Showing up For Life

In my previous post I mentioned feeling a little upset

And that feeling has only gotten worse. Is this another example of me experimenting with my own mind? Or is it that I’m simply beginning to heed/read my own words?

In this post I spoke about the importance of stopping in order to create the space for a reality of our own making. And now that I have stopped I’m realising to what extent I’ve lost myself again.

A long time ago now I walked away from a life. It had gotten pretty shit. In the process, I found myself without a TV, books, or any form of entertainment. This went on for many months. I spent a lot of time doing much of what I’ve spent the last few years writing about: I became mindful. Through mindfulness, I set about finding myself. I believe I succeeded.

But lately I’ve become adrift. I’ve become embroiled in modern life once again. I’ve become addicted to constant stimulation. And now that I’ve reached the point that I have in my writing (and heeding my words), I see the mess I’ve gotten myself in.

So I walked mindfully again this morning. This is what I noticed:

• A Heron in the creek fishing for his breakfast at the waters edge
• The morning light behind the warm duvet of grey cloud
• Members of the rowing club in their boats out on the mouth of the river, resting before the slog home
• A small red and white fishing boat making its chugging return
• The cruciform metal struts reinforcing a bridge I walked beneath
• The emptying trees and fluttering leaves
• My loneliness

Is it the case that so many of us are waiting for an invitation for our lives to begin? The thing is, there will be no invitation. It’s up to us to crash the party. And the host of the party might well be someone you’ve been trying to avoid.

In the post linked to, I advised caution. I did this because as a result of stopping the constant stimulation of books, TV, videos, social media, et cetera, et cetera, a change will happen. In mindful awareness, you will find yourself in the absolute present moment. And in this moment, all might seem very different, to the delusion you’ve been kidding yourself, was something real.

What will you do now? Will you escape back into the oblivion of constant stimulation that takes you away from yourself? Or will you continue to find your true self within a reality devoid of delusion?