Practising Mindfulness Latest Posts

  • Life: A Journey of Self-discovery

    We humans have climbed the highest mountains, dived to the deepest depths of the oceans, and travelled to the moon and back. And all of us are on the most important journey of all: The Journey Home

    On many occasions over the last twenty five years I’ve asked myself this question: How am I doing this? And a very recent revelation for me was the understanding, that it is only when I take full responsibility, for how I create all my joys, sadness, anguish and suffering, will I be better able to control my internal environment. And it is this environment that matters. I have no control over external factors. From the behaviour of others, to the time and date of expected arrivals, these things are in the wind.

    When I fully accept that it is me deciding all matters, whether good, bad, health or ill-health, painful or comforting, I am empowered to change things

    As I go through my day, there are times when I feel my stress levels change. I live with impaired hearing and tinnitus. Through accepting that it is me creating tinnitus I’m empowered to make a choice. I can either suffer or delve into understanding the mechanism behind the issue. I can seek to understand how I increase or decrease my stress levels. This goes for all of us. We can ask ourselves the very same question: How am I doing this? Some might feel offended that I should suggest that we’re all creating our own problems. They might say: “How dare you suggest I’m creating my illness. How dare you suggest I’m choosing to suffer”

    And for those who feel this way, it would be useful to question what being a victim to your problems is doing for you. This is a very important question. I could easily go through the rest of my life feeling like a victim to circumstances. I could continue to blame my past. I’ve spent far too much time doing this already. It hasn’t got me anywhere. The only thing that has succeeded at helping me move forward, and enjoy my life, is the increased awareness of how I must think and act in order to help myself feel happier.

    Through looking deeply into the issue of tinnitus I now understand the link between the condition and fear

    As a child I often felt humiliated. I remember being placed in a remedial class in junior school and I understand the long lasting effects of this. Throughout my life I’ve had a deep fear of looking stupid; of seeming stupid to others. I developed the belief: I am stupid. The first means of attacking my misconceptions and limiting beliefs was to ask: Why does it matter what other people think? And of course it doesn’t. However, the cause of this thinking, comes down to my own habit of judging others. The cure to this is mindfulness of thoughts. Very simple.

    The second means of attack is to consider the consequences of the belief : I look stupid to others. On asking myself what the consequences have been, my mind has shown me many occasions, when my behaviour has been appalling. I’ve actively humiliated myself – and made myself feel stupid to others – so many times I’ve lost count. The flipside of this is to be very controlled and uptight, for fear of making mistakes, and again, looking stupid. This is the power of beliefs. We will actively find ways to fulfil them. Once aware of how we do this, it stops.

    I can easily see the connection between deafness and stupidity. Something that was very prevalent during my early years and perhaps still is today. Are you deaf or stupid? was the question. Some people often connect deafness with stupidity. This was certainly taught to me as a child. And so through this type of questioning and analysis I can clearly see that deafness is a symptom of my belief. I have unconsciously, unknowingly, damaged my very sensitive hearing during my life and there is no going back from this. Tinnitus is connected to how hard I’m straining to hear people. It creates stress and stress worsens the condition.

    And so the cure is firstly to stop judging people (so I stop feeling judged myself). What does it matter what people thing? It doesn’t matter. Why should it? It mattered as a child because it reflected on my schooling. What people thing now is irrelevant. They have no right to judge me. I’m doing the best of my abilities and always have done. The second aspect of the cure is to stop straining to hear people. If I can’t hear them, it doesn’t matter. Sound is often overrated, there are many ways to communicate. At work I no longer ask someone their details, I get them to write it down. I also explain that I’m hearing impaired and seek to shift the onus onto them. We all want to help someone with a disability so people will want to help me understand them. We all want to be understood do we not?

    The most important journey is the one we make in finding ourselves. The sooner the journey starts, the better.

    For help and advice with your own journey you can contact me here: andrew@freedmancollege.org

  • Forgetfulness and a Broken Wrist

    It’s so easy for us to slip out of being mindful of the present moment and this is when accidents can happen

    So there she is, sitting on a bench eating her sandwiches whilst admiring the bluebells, it’s a beautiful day . . . about to be shattered. Up she gets with her mind thinking about what she has next planned. You can almost imagine it happening in slow motion, can’t you? As she places her foot on the ground, she slips on some unseen bluebells growing next to the bench. As she falls backwards, her right hand automatically moves behind her to break her fall. Unfortunately, she lands awkwardly and snap! Her wrist is broken. Pain shoots up her arm instantly telling her something isn’t right.

    Sitting on the ground now, she takes a moment to absorb what’s just happened and looks down at her wrist. Oh, that doesn’t look right. Indeed, it doesn’t, and there seems to be something preventing her from moving her hand in the normal way. That’ll be because of the broken bones, my dear.

    A moment of forgetfulness is all it takes to ruin your day

    And for the unfortunate lady (my partner) in the previous paragraph, the next six weeks, are going to be a challenge. Having taken my partner to the A&E department in Torquay (who did a fantastic job) I witnessed the rather traumatic process of her having the radius bone in her wrist reset. The break is called a distal radius fracture.

    Injections (some kind of pain killer), gas and air (nitrous oxide) all administered and the pulling began. It took three of them: one to pull the hand whilst another held the elbow and the third wrapped the setting plaster. It’s a very painful way to learn about the importance of having the mind firmly in the present moment.

    When placing one foot in front of the other, we often leave this up to our unconscious mind, with the other part of our mind elsewhere. Thich Nhat Hanh actually developed a mindfulness exercise called Mindful Walking. It’s when we place all of our focus and attention on the very thing we’re doing in that moment. Not always possible. And yet if we practice mindfulness, gained from the art of meditation, we are less likely to experience accidents. Forgetfulness is when we fail to remain present.

    Get well soon my love, I promise to do my best, at looking after you. x

  • Freedom of the Present Moment

    A long time ago, living in a fantasy world, was my form of freedom

    It was important for me to develop a powerful imagination and use it as a means of escape. To be able to disassociate from the present was a coping mechanism. Young minds crave stimulation, and when this isn’t forthcoming, from those around them, developing a good imagination is important. And some might say that this can be beneficial in many other ways as we move through life. Lonely children can be very creative. This doesn’t make neglect right though does it? Fortunately enough, we humans do have a profound ability, to turn adversity to our advantage.

    Now that we’re older, continuing to live in fantasy distracts us from being fully alive, and fully experiencing beautiful realities of life. We can miss out on what beauty the world has to offer

    If our present situation is very poor or distressing there can be a tendency for us to remain with the coping mechanism of fantasy. The limitation of this is how it can tend to keep us stuck. When all we do is escape into imaginings, we will continue to live under difficult circumstances, for longer. If we wish to improve our lot then we must act. We cannot act if we don’t aspire.

    And so bringing the mind into the present moment, even when we live under difficult circumstances, guarantees we become fully engaged with the realities of life

    As painful as it might initially be, keeping the mind in the now moment, begins the process of setting ourselves free. We can’t be free if our minds our not present. We could argue that freedom is the escape fantasy offers, but we must ask: at what cost? Are we not three quarters of the way to being dead if we’re not at home?

    It’s said that when we become aware of the breath and engage with our senses that we then come home to ourselves

    Think of the image of a daydreaming person. Their mind isn’t present. Where exactly is that person whilst their mind is lost in the past, future, or fantasy? They’re not at home are they? So when we become aware of our breath – as taught during mindfulness workshops – we return home to ourselves. We can then either enjoy that present moment or decide on what we must do to improve it.

  • What Does it Take?

    What does it take to believe that we ALL hold the key to a beautiful life right there in our hands?

    I asked myself: Why didn’t I simply believe what I was being shown twenty five years ago, instead of creating the turmoil, I’ve experienced since? And I understand why. I understand that I didn’t have the courage and strength to look deeply enough into the root of my loneliness. I didn’t want to see how truly alone I was and still am. This alone is the alone we all have. We are all alone within our own minds and much of what we are doing is an attempt to escape this.

    Through looking deeply into my loneliness I understand that I have always felt this way

    And so much of my behavior over the years has been an attempt to ease this unrecognised yearning to feel less lonely. Almost everything: Pleasing people in an attempt to keep them close. The jobs I’ve done, money I’ve earned, and drink and drugs I’ve consumed. When I did finally look at the root of my loneliness it felt like I was going insane. Such was the pain, it felt like I was breaking in two.

    And I believe now, that having come through the other side, fear is no longer the obstacle it once was. What it took, was a true acceptance that I have the solution to cleaning up my life, easily, within my grasp. It took for me to finally accept that I was in charge of all my joys and sorrows. That it was me creating my good and bad experiences: That I am what I think I am, therefore, I am my thoughts. And when we have control over our thoughts we have control over our lives. It really is this simple, and what was clouding my engagement with this, was my determination to avoid looking deeply at loneliness. I was not accepting of myself. In the process all I created was my own personal hell.

    I feel anyone who is experiencing difficulties, and seeking a way out of this, must stop avoiding the self

    Many years ago I wrote about loneliness being the result of loneliness from the self. A failure to be in touch with ones self. Even seeing this and writing it down in a book was insufficient. So great was the fear and anguish. What I needed to do, was to clearly see and feel, all the pain and anguish of the lonely little boy I remained.

    And so, if you want a fast track to a beautiful life, look at what you hold in your hands right there in front of you. Believe the solution is easily within reach and it will be. Paradoxically, looking deeply into our suffering, means we stop choosing it as a life option.

    Learn to be aware of yourself; your thoughts, and award yourself the power, to create a beautiful life.

  • Being Aware of the Deceptive Nature of Mind

    Once the mind is accustomed to certain habits and ways of thinking, it will work hard to keep them, including deception

    We can’t help wondering how it is that a virus can become so successful that it eventually kills its host. A virus can become the ultimate victim of its own success, can it not? How curious it is, and yet it can certainly seem this way. But the purpose of a virus is simply to reproduce. Its aim is to spread beyond its host so it then survives in another, and on and on, it goes. Eventually, though, once all suitable hosts have died, it will die also. A little pointless, you might think.

    Where we differ from a virus is our capacity to think

    Even so, when it comes to our ability to control our self-destructive behaviour, thinking our way out of it often seems impossible. Addictions to stimulants, be this drink, drugs, or over consumption of anything, reward us so greatly, that they often outweigh the potential damage to our wellbeing. Why is this? And indeed, how is it the mind is so adept at deceiving us into continuing with destructive behaviours?

    We can quickly come to the issue of coping mechanisms. If unresolved issues concerning conflict, guilt, emotional pain and confusion, stay locked away within the mind, we must stay busy and stimulated at all costs. Drink and drugs will of course stimulate us in ways that also distract us from the real issues at hand. As far as the mind is concerned, these methods of coping, through distraction and even oblivion, are the ideal solution. The mind, in a sense, becomes the unthinking virus that just wants to replicate its own solution to the problem. As we all too often see though, if we remain unthinking, falling for the minds many means of deception, the solution becomes the final decider. Our addictions will kill us.

    The answer, as simple as it might seem, is to become aware

    That’s right. Once we become aware of the tricks our mind plays, to remain on the easy path of the solutions it has found to survival (without suffering), there is no looking back. Becoming aware, of the tricks and deceptions played out within our own thinking, means we then have the power to choose.

    If you want change, it begins with meditation, leading to mindfulness. However, the mind, as it may well already be doing, will work hard at making sure you remain oblivious to a different, healthy solution. Remember, as far as the mind is concerned, it already has the answers to easing our pain and loneliness. Change, though, need only be one decision away.

  • A Meditation on Low Self-Worth

    I thought I’d mark the realization, that I’ve now been sober for over ten years, by meditating and writing about low self-worth

    Thinking to myself about the subject of low self-worth I understand how I can apply this limitation to so many aspects of my life. To begin with, what motivates us? The desire to please others is often the key to our success. Fathers, mothers, wives, husbands, and other people who we might look up to, are often high on the list of people we would like to please. This can be something that is entirely conscious, or it can remain below our consciousness, and be a driving we’re unaware of. Either way, those of us who lack self-worth, can be hampered by this if it becomes the main driving.

    Hampered because there can be no real sense of achievement if we’re doing it to win favour of someone else

    If our self-worth is low there is little reason to achieve anything for ourselves. Any achievement has no value if we don’t value ourselves. As you might expect, our self-esteem if something awarded to us during our developmental years. When the child experiences very little encouragement to achieve, or praise when succeeding, their self-esteem remains stunted.

    Once we are grown we must firstly recognize the problem of low self-worth and set about the sometimes lengthy process of building it

    I feel one very powerful way to change low self-worth is to consider the empowering nature of love. Stopping drinking, and deciding to take better care of myself, speaks volumes. We can’t do this without love and a powerful survival instinct. I’m aware of love and that I’m a survivor. It is possible to use this to build self-worth.

    In terms of finding motivation, and the desire to achieve, this becomes easier simply through the awareness, it’s low self-worth that’s been limiting me

    As simple as it may seem it really can be just a case of being aware. It’s not until we’re aware of our true nature, and accepting of this, that we become unstuck. Being aware of the consequences of low self-worth, on our own behavior and troubles, instantly causes change. As I do now, perhaps it will be useful to make your motivation all about the empowering nature of love. Become aware of love, if you’re alive, you can be certain it’s there if you look. When you find it, hold it in your arms, and know your true value as a living, breathing, human being.

  • stop.

    It’s only when we stop; stop consuming, thinking, planning, striving, that we realise there’s something that isn’t quite right. And this is why so many avoid stopping. Yet those who do succeed at this, and then look deeply into their feelings, become freer and happier as a result

  • Look Deeply Into Your Feelings and Be Free!

    No matter in what way you feel that you’re suffering, stop, experience the feeling, and look deeply into it

    Vast numbers of us deal with our pain and suffering through the coping mechanisms we’ve learnt. Without having learnt how to moderate our attachments to things and people we will of course suffer when they’re taken away. The ideal is to remain mindful of the type of love we exhibit to those around us and stay mindful of our attachments to impermeant things. Love, that’s based on ownership and desire, will cause great suffering to all, whereas love, that involves the need to empower those around us, and is built on understanding and compassion, will create a lot of joy and freedom.

    When we continue to deal with our pain and suffering through coping mechanisms, we’re never fully free, we’re simply coping

    It’s the process of stopping that we must acknowledge. In the past, when we’ve wanted to change a feeling, or try and distance ourselves from it, this is when the coping mechanisms have instantly kicked in. Instead, if we mindfully stop and notice the feelings, we’re then given the opportunity to look deeply at them and understand their root.

    Moving through our pain and suffering instantly frees us

    They say that suffering is a choice. And indeed it is when we know, and yet continue to ignore, that by exploring it and understanding its root we’d be free. Once we have this knowledge, and yet continue to use whatever means we have of coping, then we are in fact only choosing to put of our suffering. Its return is the choice we’re making.

    So stop, look, and listen. When we understand the root of our loneliness and then decide to love ourselves – through acknowledging the value of our feelings – we become free. Our feelings, whether happy, or sad and painful, must all be embraced. Until we do this, our wholeness remains illusive, and we continue to suffer. Think of a time when you’ve been fearful before a certain activity. Once you’ve moved beyond the fear all is well. It’s the same with our suffering. Move through it and be free!

  • Silence or You’ll Get What You Want

    In an interesting experiment I found that I got exactly what I didn’t and did want

    If ever you’ve looked to sell something, you’ll know, that the best way to achieve this (and remain calm) is, to accept that human beings are very curious creatures indeed. There are people who want the item you’re selling but can’t afford it. So these dreamers, in an attempt to feel closer to their dreams, will seek to waste your time in all manner of ways. There are serious buyers who simply refuse to pay what the item is worth (to you) so will also waste your time. And there are those who see an item, decide it’s worth, believe it’s genuine, make a decision, and then buy. I love these individuals. There are of course further examples of the type of people you’re likely to encounter but the three above are the main ones.

    When advertising your item, keep it simple and, in order to remain calm, remember the code of accepting you’ll get all manner of odd replies. If you don’t have the time or inclination don’t reply

    Something I’m currently advertising for sale is a motorcycle. Love them or loath them it seems to be a thriving market at the moment, and with the new season just around the corner, now is a good time to be selling. At the bottom of my ad I wrote: Serious contenders only, no silly questions please, I don’t have the time. Now this morning I had a lot of silly questions from an individual whose email address was sackmycook@ . . . I did indulge this guy and later laughed, a lot. Thankfully on this occasion I found it funny and interesting. I’ll call it an experiment and keep the wording as it is. As long as I remain mindful of keeping a sense of humour, and aware of how much time we all seem to have at playing each other, all will be well. It’s also worth remembering how our unconscious might be finding fulfillment of our expectations.

  • The Power of Mindful Speech

    I now understand why I talk so much and this has now awarded me the power to choose

    Most often the reason why I talk is because I want to put someone at ease and befriend them. I’m often very curious and conversation is a means of discovering more about someone. Talking is also an attempt to ease loneliness. The first two sometimes work the latter never. Another very interesting reason why I sometimes talk too much is due to a childhood experience that taught me that speech is powerful. The expression power of speech is what’s come to mind. This, I now understand, is actually an erroneous belief. Being a man of few words has far more power.

    How is it that fewer words have more power than many?

    It’s very useful for me to pose this question. When I take the time to ponder on it, the answer that comes back, are the words yes and no. I remember an instant where too many words enabled someone to humiliate me. If I’d responded to this person with either a yes or a no, my use of fewer words would have empowered me, rather than my interrogator. I would simply have not given them any ammunition to use against me. What occurs to me now is, how things would have been, if I’d remained totally silent. Even better no doubt.

    When we’re mindful of our speech we’re awarding ourselves power

    It is important to be aware, that without the earlier understanding I’ve come to, regarding why I used to talk too much, it’s highly likely my behavior would have remained the same. I would have continued with my verbal diarrhea (an expression also learnt in childhood) and all the problems this brings. What we believe, holds such influence over us, that mindfulness without initial analysis can be very difficult to master. We must firstly understand the root to our limiting behavior before mindfulness can really come into its own. We can of course ask ourselves during meditation: How is it I talk too much? or whatever the issue might be, and we must then seek to unravel the answers, that come back.

    Learn to meditate it will lead to improved mindfulness.