Looking closer at equanimity we can see how this state brings the power of serenity into our lives
There is much more to this than simple semantics. On the surface, we might think both words mean the same thing. They connect. However, they do mean slightly different things. Using words in the way I’m about to help us to pin things down to specifics. Being specific about what we’re actually seeking and the order we must follow is important. With this in mind, I feel we must have achieved equanimity before we find serenity.
Equanimity is achieved through searching and resolving that witch unsettles us
For many years, I’ve struggled to find what was causing my mind to change so drastically. Although never diagnosed as such, I feel there has been a tendency toward ADHD and manic depressive behaviour.
Those of us who have experienced a troubled childhood can find it challenging to control emotions. From a personal point of view, I feel a lack of self-awareness has been a deciding factor.
Becoming more self-conscious (in the positive sense) through mindfulness has been the tipping point for me. And so my equanimity is achieved through the constant monitoring of my internal state through the practise of contemplative meditation and mindfulness.
Mindfulness awards me greater control over my thoughts and reactions to the outside world, people, and circumstances. Also, I have greater control over cravings and habits. In fact, cravings and habits are becoming a non-issue as a result of my meditation, mindfulness, and equanimity.
Serenity is the consequence of equanimity
Often, the constant stimulation we seek has developed as a coping mechanism. So many of us simply detest having nothing to do. We might feel like we’re going out of our minds when we have nothing to stimulate us.
Meditation might be extremely challenging. Quieting the mind seemingly impossible. I think in this instance, it would be beneficial to seek assistance and work through what the mind is avoiding. Certainly advisable before or after attendance on a Meditation to Mindfulness Training Workshop.
Once the unconscious drivings behind our disquiet are revealed, our meditation practice will begin to bear fruit. Serenity is a consequence of a mind in equanimity, no longer restlessly avoiding the self. A mind that has come home.
I noticed in the news today that the mother of a child that was murdered by fellow students wants mindfulness introduced into schools. The story doesn’t make it clear what she believes there is to gain from this and I can only imagine it’s the following:
Mindfulness increases self-awareness through our ability to see ourselves objectively
Although this is the case, for children who have murder on their minds, for objectivity to be a preventative measure, these children would firstly need some comparisons and of course a developed sense of wrong and right. They would need a developed understanding of cause and effect. They would also initially need to care about whether their actions are wrong or right. Does self-awareness and objectivity award this to a child?
My personal feeling is that it would need to be the parents, carers or those responsible for murderous children, to be the ones who’re more mindful
Mindful parents are those who’re aware of what children’s minds are exposed to and the effects of this exposure. Mindful children who’ve been exposed to – and consequently instilled with – prejudices, hatred and the belief violence is a solution, will still commit murder. In fact, it might even make them better at it. Mindfulness training for children, on its own, would be insufficient.
We humans have climbed the highest mountains, dived to the deepest depths of the oceans, and travelled to the moon and back. And all of us are on the most important journey of all: The Journey Home
On many occasions over the last twenty five years I’ve asked myself this question: How am I doing this? And a very recent revelation for me was the understanding, that it is only when I take full responsibility, for how I create all my joys, sadness, anguish and suffering, will I be better able to control my internal environment. And it is this environment that matters. I have no control over external factors. From the behaviour of others, to the time and date of expected arrivals, these things are in the wind.
When I fully accept that it is me deciding all matters, whether good, bad, health or ill-health, painful or comforting, I am empowered to change things
As I go through my day, there are times when I feel my stress levels change. I live with impaired hearing and tinnitus. Through accepting that it is me creating tinnitus I’m empowered to make a choice. I can either suffer or delve into understanding the mechanism behind the issue. I can seek to understand how I increase or decrease my stress levels. This goes for all of us. We can ask ourselves the very same question: How am I doing this? Some might feel offended that I should suggest that we’re all creating our own problems. They might say: “How dare you suggest I’m creating my illness. How dare you suggest I’m choosing to suffer”
And for those who feel this way, it would be useful to question what being a victim to your problems is doing for you. This is a very important question. I could easily go through the rest of my life feeling like a victim to circumstances. I could continue to blame my past. I’ve spent far too much time doing this already. It hasn’t got me anywhere. The only thing that has succeeded at helping me move forward, and enjoy my life, is the increased awareness of how I must think and act in order to help myself feel happier.
Through looking deeply into the issue of tinnitus I now understand the link between the condition and fear
As a child I often felt humiliated. I remember being placed in a remedial class in junior school and I understand the long lasting effects of this. Throughout my life I’ve had a deep fear of looking stupid; of seeming stupid to others. I developed the belief: I am stupid. The first means of attacking my misconceptions and limiting beliefs was to ask: Why does it matter what other people think? And of course it doesn’t. However, the cause of this thinking, comes down to my own habit of judging others. The cure to this is mindfulness of thoughts. Very simple.
The second means of attack is to consider the consequences of the belief : I look stupid to others. On asking myself what the consequences have been, my mind has shown me many occasions, when my behaviour has been appalling. I’ve actively humiliated myself – and made myself feel stupid to others – so many times I’ve lost count. The flipside of this is to be very controlled and uptight, for fear of making mistakes, and again, looking stupid. This is the power of beliefs. We will actively find ways to fulfil them. Once aware of how we do this, it stops.
I can easily see the connection between deafness and stupidity. Something that was very prevalent during my early years and perhaps still is today. Are you deaf or stupid? was the question. Some people often connect deafness with stupidity. This was certainly taught to me as a child. And so through this type of questioning and analysis I can clearly see that deafness is a symptom of my belief.I have unconsciously, unknowingly, damaged my very sensitive hearing during my life and there is no going back from this. Tinnitus is connected to how hard I’m straining to hear people. It creates stress and stress worsens the condition.
And so the cure is firstly to stop judging people (so I stop feeling judged myself). What does it matter what people thing? It doesn’t matter. Why should it? It mattered as a child because it reflected on my schooling. What people thing now is irrelevant. They have no right to judge me. I’m doing the best of my abilities and always have done. The second aspect of the cure is to stop straining to hear people. If I can’t hear them, it doesn’t matter. Sound is often overrated, there are many ways to communicate. At work I no longer ask someone their details, I get them to write it down. I also explain that I’m hearing impaired and seek to shift the onus onto them. We all want to help someone with a disability so people will want to help me understand them. We all want to be understood do we not?
The most important journey is the one we make in finding ourselves. The sooner the journey starts, the better.
For help and advice with your own journey you can contact me here: andrew@freedmancollege.org
My partner’s father recently passed away and now there’s a large house and double garage to clear. For over fifteen years, nothing has been thrown away, everything has just been put somewhere out of sight. As they say: “Out of sight out of mind”. I wonder if that’s really true?
I’d rather you didn’t think I was judging the old man. Many of us have houses full of stuff we no longer use or need. As far as my partner’s dad is concerned, he had health issues. His wife died in 2007 and his son also died just last year. And so things had sort of built up, I suppose. There is even a Nissan Patrol 4.2TD in the garage, that hasn’t seen active service, for many years. I got it running the weekend just gone, but can see I’ll need to replace the brake lines before we can move it anywhere. Fix the breaks, pump up the tyres, and sneak it down south for an MOT.
It can be hard work clearing out houses. Especially ones where so much stuff has been hidden away. Old bikes in the garage roof space. Piles and piles of old books. The old man actually built the house, with the help of the rest of the family, so there’s even leftover building materials to get rid of. So much stuff to dispose of
We have made a start. I started to feel a little depressed when spending so much time down at the recycling centre. I wondered: How much of this stuff is actually recyclable? Not a lot. Best to just chuck it. It’ll get burned or crushed and buried. Quite cathartic to be disposing of all the garbage.
With mindful breathing we say: “Come home to your body” When you become mindful of your breathing you become aware of your only true home
In this way we can also become aware of the clutter that’s constantly been recycled through our minds. Far best to acknowledge this ‘clutter’ than bury it where it can’t be seen. When we acknowledge it, we can deal with it. Deal with it. It seems to me, that living in a house full of unwanted and unnecessary clutter, can be very depressing. Get rid of it now, never leave it there believing . . . Out of sight out of mind. This isn’t true.
I’ve built a beautiful fortress around myself and those I love. And in search of the answer to their confusion, there are unthinking people, who want to penetrate my defenses
I cannot be an android disassociated from his feelings. As much as I might feel there is an advantage to this, I understand that if I deny my discomfort, pain or suffering, I also deny happiness and pleasure. Anger arises in me when people behave in unthinking ways. Anger arises when people behave in ways towards me – and those I love – that might hurt them or bring them down. Inconsiderate, inappropriate and damn right abusive treatment, causes such rage, it is only mindfulness of my anger, that saves me.
Mindfulness of my anger enables me to control it and use its power in a constructive fashion
When I feel my anger rising I take a breath and notice it. I then ask myself:
What is causing my anger?
What is at the root of my anger?
What is my fear?
Abusive and inconsiderate behavior angers me because I’m fearful. Fearful that I, or someone I love, is being taken advantage of. These attempts are disrespectful. If someone is unable to show me, and those I love respect, then I don’t want those people in my life. Simple.
The force of anger awards me the strength to rebuild my fortress. But only when I understand through finding the answers to my questions. The key to my freedom, strength and the beauty of my fortress, starts with mindfulness.
For you, it may not be necessary, or even attractive, to analyse the how and why of peoples behavior. All that’s necessary is the mindfulness of anger: a force to protect us
Living in the real world means we must be aware of the dangers. We must be streetwise. The only way to protect oneself – in the real world – is awareness of the darker side of human nature. There are people who want to take advantage of you. On the way to the top of their illusions, they will attempt to use you as a stepping stone. There are also people who are simply unaware of how damaging their behavior can be. Mindfulness helps to raise our awareness, ask the right questions of ourselves, and set appropriate boundaries.
If you find yourself attempting to influence or control, those things that you’re ultimately powerless to alter, take a deep breath. Seeking to change something that will always move independently of you causes stress and frustration. Recognise and accept, the only thing you have power over is, your own mind. How you perceive the world, and events beyond your control, is crucial to your well being and entirely under your control.
Feelings of powerlessness are only compounded when we’re seeking to achieve the impossible
What becomes possible is the altering of believes, viewpoints, opinions and perception. When we have the understandings of how to begin this process, we are truly, empowered.
Another interesting paradox is how the need for control actually hinders meditation and mindful awareness
I’m talking about the need for control over events and others. We’ve all heard the expression: control freak. Quiet an unpleasant terminology when we think of it. No one likes being called a freak, and yet it could be said, there’s a degree of this in all of us. It’s that need to know what’s going to happen next and the need to be in control of this. One of the problems with this need is how it can take so much of the fun out of life. The unexpected and unforeseen are often the occasions where life takes its most interesting turns. And when we feel the need to be in command and control of those people around us, this restricts the controller as much as the victim. If the controlling could see how restrictive their behaviour was, they would potentially gain the awareness needed, to make the necessary modifications.
Be reminded that the process of meditation is related to control over our internal environment through raising awareness
The quandary, the control freak finds themself in, is how the obsessive need for control, is the very mechanism that keeps the mind in constant turmoil. It’s the degree of discomfort and fear they feel that hinders the letting go required for awareness of thought to begin. We might say that focusing the mind single pointedly, during meditation, (let’s say the end of the nose) takes control. Perhaps it does, however, I would argue, that the controlling mind, finds conflict here, due to the belief constant thought and analysis, equals control.
By single pointedly focusing, we’re seeking to raise awareness of our thought processes, through becoming aware, of something physical. A challenging task for someone who needs constant thinking and analysis to alleviate fear. A powerful block to meditation.
By seeking greater awareness we uncover the illusions driving our fear
No matter how much the controlling individual is advised to tackle the fear driving their compulsion, they persist. They persist until they see the illusion. We must consider where the need for control stems: childhood. The need for control is potentially a coping mechanism learnt in childhood. The fear was real back then and now has drifted into the illusory. The controlling must learn a better way of managing fear. And the greatest paradox is how mediation and mindfulness holds the key.
Now I can only believe it if I see it with my own two eyes, and even then it will only be my truth, and no one else’s
I made a mistake this morning, I decided to read the news. I allowed my brain to be infected by the nonsense and I also allowed it to upset me. It was for my partner to make me aware of my horrible negativity. Once again my downcast-destructive side came to the fore and it was driven by the media. Not truth, you understand, but the media. And it really is the case that you cannot believe a word they say. In this respect there is no point in reading it. Their desperate need for my attention creates their need to fantasise. Propaganda and nonsense.
Again and again I make the mistake of allowing my attention to wander off to the places where truth and lies intermingle. And now I’m in a state of constant confusion and unbelieving
Because of this I’m now asking if truth or lies actually matter. Can we really ever distinguish between the two? I feel the reality is, truth can only ever be something that occurs within the mind, of the believer. All truth is subjective. We must believe it before it becomes true and even then it is only a belief. It is only our belief. Just because we believe something doesn’t mean it’s true for anybody else. Often it can prove to be completely the opposite. Do you believe, for example, that sexual abuse of our children is at epidemic proportions? Do you believe that there are millions of podophiles amongst us?
I suppose it matters that we make children aware of the dangers. Whether we want to believe it or not there is a dark side to human nature. Evidence speaks the truth. A child has no hope of protecting himself or herself if there’s no awareness of the dangers. And yet this doesn’t mean that we have to read about it every day. It doesn’t mean we must fix our attention on this every day. And we must accept all the darkness that’s possible, however unpalatable, we might find it.
I find myself not wanting to believe the despicable nature of my fellow human beings, but I must be cautious of what dangers, there are in denial.
If I choose to ignore the unpleasant what will that make me? Happy, or just as ignorant and innocent as the vulnerable child. Awareness enlightens us sufficiently so we may protect ourselves. Ignorance IS the darkness. There is such danger in this confusion between truth and lies. In time, we will simply fail to see, and how will the blind ever protect themselves?
How remarkable it is that we’re able to think about our own thinking
What an extraordinary talent we have in being able to objectively observe our own thoughts. That is of course providing we choose to. If we’re too integrated; intertwined with our thoughts, we might struggle to step away from them, long enough to see them as separate from ourselves. This is where meditation comes to the fore.
With practice meditation enables us to slow down and become aware
That’s right, as we seek to focus our attention on a physical function of the body (breathing for example) we can become aware of our thoughts. We expand on this by then beginning to question their nature. More than anything, we must ask ourselves if our thoughts have any positive, and productive value. Are our thoughts of a critical, judgmental nature, only there to compound the negatives we believe about ourselves, or are they constructive and valuable? The simple process of observing these thoughts, and asking if they’re of any real value to our lives, is an example of the power of awareness.
As we become increasingly aware of our thoughts, building the ability to detach ourselves from them, we raise awareness and take control
So often our defensive ego seeks to ward off attacks from those who might be less aware than ourselves. The negative, patronising comment or post-it note a colleague leaves for our attention, becomes a little mind-worm. We might believe ourselves to be quite important with a valuable contribution to make and all we get is attacked. If we are to remain healthy and well adjusted it is our ego we must bring under control.
Our ego has no concern for our mental health it is simply the custodian of our beliefs and must defend them to the death
One of the most powerful points you must take from this post today is, how the ego knows no difference between those beliefs that lift us, and help us move forward in life, and those that simply lock us into circular, negative thinking. All is not lost though, you’ve been made aware of how meditation enables you to step away from your thoughts – raising your awareness to them – so you may cease their destructive influence. In this way, you are actively selecting those ego-driven thoughts that are positive, and rejecting those that have no real value. You are actively choosing thoughts that improve and maintain a good quality of life.
Mindfulness is the product of meditation and it is our improved awareness that will keep tabs on destructive thinking from the ego
So when it comes down to it the power of awareness is the power to live well. The power to actively choose happiness over worry, stress and negativity, comes from improved awareness of thoughts and their nature. We can choose to either get upsetand become defensive over the behaviour of others, or we can choose calm as we see the real driver of our emotions, as us. Remember, the ego is the custodian of beliefs and many of our thoughts are simply there as a means to compound and maintain them. This is the job of the ego no matter how beneficial or destructive these beliefs are. It is our job to raise our awareness so we may bring the ego under our control. When we practice this kind of mindfulness, every moment of our lives, amazing begins to happen. We begin to live well under the terms of the beliefs we choose to see value in.
The mind will always provide what you want, and yet, what exactly do you want?
There’s something very special about human intelligence. There are a lot of things that we don’t fully understand about compassion and our ability to read others and their wants.
Many years ago, when I first started out as a Hypnotherapist, clients would often send me thank you cards. So much so, that in my waiting room, I started to struggle for space on top of filing cabinets etc. As I reflect on that time, it’s possible to understand why; it was something I needed. Not on a level fully recognised by me you understand, it was a message I was sending out, unconsciously. My clients actually wanted me to succeed and felt the need to encourage me.
In what I’ve just stated I once again find myself facing one of the beautiful ironies of life
As a Therapist, I’m in the business of helping people. In this respect surely it’s not for my clients to be helping me? But of course any interaction between humans, is going to be interlaced, with the unexpected. And the relationship between client and therapist can be an extremely complicated one (less so for the Therapist). That said, we must never underestimate the capacity we humans have, for showing love to one another, in unexpected ways.
It’s a very strange thing to assert, that even if this is only in our imagination, the mind will always provide what we want
Much of the communication between us humans is done at an unconscious level. And it all gets very interesting when we realise that the mind always provides what we want, even if this, is something unpleasant. If what we believe, about our fellow man for example, has been built on hatred, anger and intolerance, then this is exactly what we will receive. The mind will provide exactly that. And what we want, from moment to moment, is confirmation, of what we believe.
If you want a beautiful life, the trick, is to simply believe in the possibility and how to find it
At a very basic level we humans don’t need a great deal to survive. Surviving and thriving can be two very different things though. For example is a thriving life achieved simply through our needs being fully understood and met? It’s important to remember, we all have the same basic needs, but very different wants. One person can very well believe they’re thriving with only their basic needs met. For others thriving means something very different. Perhaps these are the people the lottery fund is dependent upon. People who are always found wanting.
The advice to acknowledge, must be to seek out love, and the need to understand it
A common misunderstanding is that love is self-sacrifice. Giving of oneself, so we may gain the pleasure of seeing loved ones thrive, can never be about sacrifice. In the past we might have been told that people have given up a lot for us, or made some kind of sacrifice, but this is a lie.
It can never be a sacrifice to give of oneself so those we love can thrive. We gain pleasure when we love. It must be a pleasure to give, because if it isn’t, this is something else entirely. We may even be seeking to control others with giving. In fact, if we want others to believe we’ve made sacrifices for them, this is all about needing control.
Man’s need for control over other men is ever present
This is especially the case from those who have very little control over themselves. There are times when we all feel a little out of control. This self-control is regained once we realise something fundamental: There are many things in life that are beyond our influence or control, and so much of the suffering in life, is caused through our want to chase those things, we have no real need or aptitude for.
It’s how we view life that is important
It’s how we react to events that determines our level of happiness. If what you are striving for seems illusive, change your perspective. It could well be that the thing you’re striving for is already where you’re at and you’re just not seeing it as such. For example, you might – on a conscious level – see success as one thing, and yet all along, the unconscious mind has been viewing things very differently. The way your unconscious mind is seeing success, may well be the very place, you’re already in! An interesting thought.
So to sum up, it’s all about understanding the wants and needs of your mind. Your wants are built on your beliefs. What you unconsciously want, may differ greatly, to your conscious desires.
When this kind of conflict exists the result is suffering. Suffering is eased when we have greater understanding of our unconscious beliefs. At it’s basic level, all you actually need to be a successful human being, is some of that magical ingredient called love. Send that out and it’s a need that’s easily met.
Practising Mindfulness 