Practising Mindfulness

Category: Beliefs

  • Right Thinking

    Be aware of this: In the minds of many, the degree of happiness and length of their survival, is determined by the amount of control they have over others. Most often this is other family members. For you, happiness, must be determined by how much control you have over yourself. If not, you will be, as the many

  • Understanding Patience

    I’m siting in my room waiting. I’m impatient for something to happen. I feel frustrated and anxious. I feel like I’m suffering, there’s almost a physical pain, to my impatience

    In that moment, back then, I’m about ten years old. I’ve always struggled with empty moments; when there’s nothing happening. During this time the void is filled with anxiety, wanting and the nonexistent silence. I might spend time running through imaginary scenarios in my mind, seeking to figure out what I’d like to do, in order to fill up these nothing moments. Often, none of the scenarios I imagine take my fancy, and so I’m just left with feelings of frustration, over my sense that time, is being wasted. And our time is short.

    I’ve since learnt to lower my expectations and understand how inevitable it is that a lonely and unstimulated child will suffer

    The opposite, is an overly stimulated child, who doesn’t know this nothingness and then grows into an adult who always crams to much in; late for everything and everyone. Finding somewhere in between is the ideal. The ability to calmly make a plan for the day appreciating how long each activity will take.

    Oddly enough I’m drawn to nothingness; the desire to do nothing. It’s as if my mind is seeking to show me what exists within this nothingness; that my mind is seeking to reveal the root of my frustration: a childhood of neglect

    It’s often the case, that the many children who experience neglect, build powerful imaginations. We could even say that the building of a powerful imagination was our coping mechanism. Certainly useful as a child and also useful when seeking creativity as an adult. One thing we must now learn though, is the ability to quieten such an imagination. The mind can become hopelessly addicted to the stimulation our imagination provides. We must learn the patience needed to calm ourselves, and accept that we are no longer a child, that craves the stimulation and company of an absent parent.

    Patience comes from maturity and wisdom. Emotional maturity reveals how ridiculous it is, to expect something to happen, if we just wait long enough. Wisdom shows us what we must do to make our desires a reality

    Impatience is borne from a mind that is constantly casting itself into an imagined future. A mind that is untamed – believing that time is short – will be frustrated to be elsewhere doing something else, seeking fulfillment of impossible dreams. Patience comes when we cease the unnecessary search; when we’re able to move from one moment to the next, content in ourselves; expectations properly placed. Stop listening to the nonexistent.

  • Loves Freedom

    Fear can come in many guises, and yet once we become aware of it, we have the power to push it away

    I was reminded recently of the manipulative nature of fear. It’s important to consider that it is OUR fear that manipulates us. For example, if we fear loss or hardship, it is this that others are able to tap into. Once our fear is tapped into they’re able to bend us to their will. Whether this fear is generated by a lonely parent, who threatens to change a will, or job insecurities that enable an employer to gain more than their monies worth, it is OUR fear that’s the problem.

    When we turn to love – of ourselves, our lives and our time – fear melts away

    Of course, if we’re to lose the type of fear, the above examples generate, we need to be in love with the very basics of what life has to offer. If we believe, deep in our hearts, that as a consequence of the wily whits evolution has provided us, that we will always be okay, fear has no hold on us. When we fully understand how personal responsibility applies to everyone, and are fearless of loss or hardship, no one has a hold on us either. Sometimes we may need to face up to the hardship – of not having everything we want – and we might miss the futures we imagined, however, be assured that these are only lessons in our beautiful journey through life. Free yourself and turn to love.

  • Love is Forever

    Through leading a good life, when we are gone, all that remains is love

    It isn’t complicated, leading a good life. In fact, it’s the simplest thing there is. I think of the people who’ve led peaceful lives and I gain a sense of the love that remains. After the peaceful man or woman is gone there are only fond memories. There are only memories of the lessons in love they taught us.

    Like many there’s been fear in my life, yet, there is the knowledge, that holding on to the memories, beliefs, and feelings fear creates, is pointless

    Yes it’s true, these things don’t remain after we’ve gone, they’re forgotten, so why hang on to them now? Let them go. In my mind, the most influential people of the past, are the one’s who’ve led peaceful lives. It’s those people who’ve stayed within the boundaries of decent, loving behaviour, that endure in the memories of the majority. I don’t see monuments, cathedrals and places of remembrance, for the haters, or controlling, power hungry, dictators.

    All evidence of man’s existence will of course one day be gone but, it’s my belief, that even then, what will remain is information containing the evidence that we have loved. That we have loved each other, our home, and ourselves. Look up at the stars and instantly fall in love with the wonder of the universe. Look at each other, through the eyes of an innocent child, and you will love. So sit for a moment and let it all go. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we seek to lead peaceful loving lives, because this, is all we leave behind. Love. x

  • The Grey Market

    Image by amh1988
    Your brain is a very delicate instrument that may not have been handle with care in the past, ensure it’s treated with respect now

    As with all things on the market today there’s the good, the bad, and the ugly. When it comes to mental health, one of the first things to be aware of, is the tendency for the mind to continue with familiar themes. What the mind knows and has become accustomed to will be the general theme pursued. To put it bluntly, if all you’ve ever known is an amateurish attitude to your wellbeing, then that’s unfortunately the very thing you will seek.

    To a greater or lesser extent everything is grey market. Buying a product from those who manufactured it is very rare. When visiting a therapist you’re not actually meeting the creator of the treatments

    So with this in mind, what we must look for, are the signs that identify the product or service, to have originally come from the genuine source. We must look to ensure corners aren’t being cut and that professional standards are being met. You cannot expect to feel better, through pandering to the minds whim, of pursuing the amateurish treatment it might have become accustomed to. Get to meet the genuine article and show your mind the respect it deserves.

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  • Here and Gone

    Death can be such a shock. It can be hard to accept that a person is no longer here

    This is, of course, especially the case if we were close to the person who has died. How can it be that someone simply ceases to exist, that they’ve gone, and we will never again experience their presence? It can seem unbelievable and so hard to accept. There is an empty space there now that can never be filled.

    Take a moment to contemplate the word gone and how it makes you feel

    It’s the finality of the word, is it not? It’s the finality of death. How can it be that death is so final? Why do we struggle so much with this ending of life? They’re such extreme opposites, are they not? Alive/Dead. Aware/Unaware.

    It’s said that the main reason for our suffering in life is our attachment to impermanent things. And we humans are most certainly impermanent. Our awareness of this goes some way to explain our need to leave something of ourselves behind after we’ve gone. Be this our DNA or a statue to mark our achievements whilst we were alive. This is important to most, but not all.

    Professor Brian Cox recently commented on how he always smiles when thinking about the eventual death of the universe and the nonsense of our attempts to immortalize people with things like statues or history books.

    When our attachment to the impermanent fades we begin to accept the absolute necessity of endings

    Why is it necessary, and how do we lose our attachment? Whether we like it or not, nature dictates the need for opposites. It’s deeply enshrined within the laws under which the universe operates. There is on, and there is off. When we are alive, the light is switched on, and when we die, it is off. We could say: the light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long, and yet, this is not always the case.

    A long life is never certain. I believe we can sometimes influence the odds slightly, but that’s about all. Ultimately, if we stay attached to the life that was, we will struggle to accept someone’s passing. If we create an imagined future of what the dead could have achieved and attach ourselves to this, we will struggle. An imagined future is an illusion. They lived, and we must find a way to be thankful for that.

    You may choose to believe that the light can be turned on again in some other place or form or time

    Does this belief have value? I feel that it can be very comforting to believe that our loved ones go on in some way after their death. They have a soul that has permanence.

    It has been noted that when we look deeply at matter, what we see is that it mainly contains information. I wonder if it’s useful to believe that information has permanence and that even after the death of this universe, the information it contains will continue to exist in some form or another. It’s hard to believe that it will all be lost forever, is it not?

    In memory of Pete Cawthorne 1963 – 2021

  • Just Be Gentle

    When you hold someone today, do it gently. In your everyday activities make a point, today, of being gentle in all you do. When placing a cup down on a surface, do it so gentle, that it barely makes a sound. When you speak, make the tones quiet, slow and soft.

    In everything you touch today do it mindfully and gently

    I believe you’ll be surprised by the results. There really isn’t enough gentleness in the world right now. So if we make it a good habit to treat each other gently and to be gentle in everything we do, it starts to take hold, and becomes our reality. We become gentle in turn. We become gentle with ourselves. After all, it is to ourselves that we hand out the harshest critique and instigate the cruelest of punishments.

    A welder or a blacksmith will tell you, it’s only by applying just the right amount of energy, do we get the desired results

    Never mistake gentleness with weakness. It takes great strength to respond to anger with gentle reasoning. And it is this that ultimately gets the best results; lasting change. Show your enemies how to love and how to use the power of gentleness, and in time, it will become their reality also. Just be gentle.

  • Equipped for Life

    There are those who, on the first signs of trouble, take to their beds and disappear down into a depressive funk. And their are those who would thrive on this same trouble. What is it that makes the difference?

    The easy answer lies in how well we’ve been equipped for life during our developmental years. If wrapped in cotton wool, cosseted and pampered during childhood, we might grow to be fragile and overly sensitive to stress and worry.

    Compared to someone who has grown up knowing little other than drama, stress and violence (physical and/or emotional) it’s certainly likely – the cosseted – will be less well equipped to deal with this side of life.

    As strange as it may seem, a difficult childhood can leave us better equipped to deal with the inevitable stresses, of life. With this in mind, it’s true that children must be protected with appropriate boundaries and sensitive parenting, however, at the same time, we mustn’t overprotect them. We must find ways to equip them for the ups and downs of life in the best ways possible.

    There are always alternative consequences to consider.

    If we find ourself scarred, as a result of being inappropriately exposed to the violence of adult problems during childhood, rather than equipping us, we can develop conflicts that cause us to shift uncontrollably between emotional states. Sometimes we’re strong and on top of the world, and yet at other times, fearful and incapacitated.

    So a childhood that can equip, can just as easily disable. It’s a little like the child who sees a negative comment from a teacher, for example, as confirmation of their poor self-belief, or uses it as a means to strengthen them. It can go one way or the other. Or is there an alternative to this black and white viewpoint?

    Perhaps the ideal is the child who has the ability to remain indifferent to those who don’t actually understand how to love them. Consider the words: “You’ll never amount to much” are they based on fear or love? I feel the words: “Once you’re grown you’ll be free to choose” sound far more loving and empowering.

    Coming back to the individual who’s likely to take to their bed at the first sign of trouble, we must understand, that this kind of behaviour is rooted in the past. It got them something then and the belief is it’ll get them something now. We could also call this a scar that has resulted in childish behaviour being echoed in adulthood. Conversely, if stress is seen simply as being part of life, then surly we’re able to simply brush troubles away, that would debilitate the adult-child.

    Solving depression and developing a worry-free mind can seem complicated. The conditions and symptoms of depression or anxiety are simple to spot, it is unraveling the root causes, that are a little more complex. One thing is for sure, once we see how the present often echoes the past, we’re able to break away from behaviour that belongs there. Put your feet on the floor, put your clothes on, and walk away from the past.

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  • Reaching for Ideals

    All images courtesy of pixabay

    Ideal:

    noun

    1. a conception of something in its perfection.
    2. a standard of perfection or excellence.
    3. a person or thing conceived as embodying such a conception, or conforming to such a standard, and taken as a model for imitation.

    Should we seek the ideal? Is being an idealist different to being a perfectionist? The English dictionary defines the idealist as this:

    • Someone who believes that very good things can be achieved often when this does not seem likely to others.
    We’re told that perfectionism is a negative

    We’re told that wanting perfection, and only settling for this, is something to be avoided. If we believe there’s no such thing as perfect, yet at the same time seek it, we’re certainly going to be wasting a lot of energy.

    Alternatively, when we understand perfection – as simply an ideal to strive for – we’re able to achieve our best in any given moment of time. Our efforts may not have been perfect, yet we can be comfortable in the knowledge, we did our best. In this respect we must have a ‘benchmark’ to reach for. There must always be a gold standard.

    So whether we like it or not, perfection, is always going to be something striven for. The perfect body, the perfect house, life, car, job, child, marriage, we could go on. The downside of this, will be the negative feelings we’re left with, when we inevitably fall short. We’ll feel frustrated, dissatisfied and unfulfilled when we fail to reach perfection. Eventually we may give up altogether.

    With this in mind, only reaching for the ideal, is the objective

    Being the best we can be without achieving perfection is the plan. After all, to be perfect would leave us with nowhere else to go; a very dangerous situation indeed. And so in this respect, it’s very sensible for us to see perfection, as unachievable. Thankfully there will always be better to strive for. Seeing this for what it is, gives us room to work harder, even when we know we’ve done our very best.

    It’s the knowledge that there is always more that keeps humans striving to move forward. We can always do better. There is always more. A very reassuring fact. This brings me on to the key understanding we must strive for.

    At The Freedman College we believe it makes perfect sense for us to be striving for a better understanding of one key element in our lives.

    When we focus our attention on this one key element all other things are found

    If we come back to the examples given of what we seek perfection in for a moment (be it lives, bodies, marriages or houses), all of these things are easily achieved, when we have a clear understanding of this key element. Here it is: The Ideal of Love.

    Once we cease – in our misunderstandings and misinterpretations of love – we will stop striving for an unachievable ideal. Because we’re confused about love, we don’t actually know, what we are in fact striving for. For example, we’re told that love is many things. The nonsense of this definition is the very thing causing confusion. If we don’t even know what it is, how can we strive to find it?

    When young we often think we’re in love

    We confuse the feelings we may have for someone as love. We may feel that we need someone, or that we feel lost without them; that we pander for them, or pine for their attention. We mistake lust and infatuation for love. We must make ourselves aware: Emotions of craving have nothing to do with love. Further to this, we mistake many aspects of fear, for love. We think because we fear losing them that we must love them. Fear of loss is fear of pain. Love is completely devoid of this.

    We really only need ask ourselves one thing to know whether we’re in love or not. Here it is: Do I want to empower this person? The true emotion of love is something we’re awarded when we witness the freedom of our loved ones. Anything other than this will never be love and only a poor imitation and illusion of it. 

    To know if our version of love is reciprocal, all we need do, is turn the question around like this: Is this person empowering me?  

    At this stage be sure to have a clear understanding of the word empower. It is not empowerment to need a person and neither is it empowerment to give yourself up to another. Empowerment is when we’re able to lift a person to be a free individual standing on their own two feet who is the best version of themselves they can possibly be at that moment in time.

    At the same time – as your empowerment of them – this power sets you free. The more people who have a clear understanding of this the better.

    Here is the definition of an ideal love that we believe to be A Basic Human Right:

    “Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness”

    – Create Beautiful Partnerships

    Wholeness is a calm acceptance of this version of love and that of yourself as a near perfect example of a human being.

    Strive for this ideal and all other things will come.