Practising Mindfulness

Category: Change

  • Skimming Stones

    In an attempt to skim a stone the young child threw it into the air only for it to splash into the water and immediately sink

    The adult teaching the child managed to successfully skim the stone across the surface of the water.

    Later I began to think of how the stone represents information. How this information skims across the mind of an adult yet is easily absorbed by the child.

    It’s my experience that the older we get the less inclined we are to digesting new information. Especially when this information questions established models and belief systems

    To continue with the metaphor. To skim a stone we need to put in a great deal of effort. Getting it to skim across the surface tension of the water takes effort. Without realising the effort and technique required the child just threw the stone into the air. Moving slowly and directly downward the stone easily broke through the surface of the water.

    I recently read about a madman who had thousands of books he never read. He never read them because he was so certain in his already established beliefs. As a result, millions of people died. You might guess who I’m talking about.

    When we yield and finally decide to stop working so hard to remain fixed in our ideas and beliefs (that may have stopped working years ago) change can happen

    It takes more effort to remain stuck and unhappy than we realise. When new information isn’t properly, mindfully considered, it’s like the stone travelling quickly over the surface of the water. It skims across the surface of the mind as if it were never there. We remain unchanged and unhappy.

    Although new information can initially feel like someone’s throwing small stones at us that sting, once absorbed, we will eventually gain a different way of seeing things. Learning to meditate can help with this process.

  • Mindful Gameplay

    Winning the game of life is accomplished when we’re aware

    Currently, there are some very intelligent minds creating the belief that the universe is a simulation. So tangled have they become, with trying to make sense of it all, that they’re now beginning to postulate that the universe acts very much like a quantum computer. The conclusion they’ve reached is that the universe is a simulation being played out on a vast computer set up somewhere in an alternate alien dimension. Some very intelligent people actually believe this.

    I’m not about to start debating this either way, because I don’t think there is anything to gain from that. In other words, it doesn’t matter a toss

    It doesn’t matter, because real or simulated, we’re all still experiencing life (some more than others) and real or simulated it’s a game either way.

    Treating life as if it were a game is sensible on many levels. Not because it makes the business of living life any less important. It’s because learning gameplay helps us to navigate, what can seem on the surface, a very complicated affair.

    Establishing the rules and playing with awareness eases the way
    • Learn to love one’s self
    • Become aware of fear based gameplay (do you need to control or are you being controlled? Are you being manipulated or do you seek to manipulate?)
    • As much as possible make life decisions based on compassion and love. Ask yourself, what would love do?
    • Always act with integrity
    • Be present (to what extent are you allowing the past or future fantasy to influence your choices?)
    • Learn to meditate and practice daily
    • Be mindful of thoughts and behaviour and how they influence your feelings
    • Be mindful of allowing your feelings to overrule reasoned thinking

    Listed above are just a few simple rules you must play by. If you want to win, remove your confusion, and follow one set of rules only. The correct set.

  • Something from Nothing

    How can something come from nothing? What happened before time? What was there before the birth of the universe? Can something really come from nothing?

    I sense my addiction to stimulation on a constant basis. Indeed there was a time when my need for stimulation was at the extreme end of the scale. I needed chaos. I needed mania. There had to be something going on constantly. And if not I would find a way to create the chaos I craved. Drama. Oh yes please.

    Imagine coming to the understanding that the thing you prided yourself on (thinking) has actually been the cause of your troubles.

    I used to spend a lot of time in my head. Loneliness will cause this. Thinking, judging, ruminating, puzzling, questioning on and on and on. Constant chatter and deliberation. Chaos in my head and chaos in my life. So here is the solution . . . nothing.

    In my current role I spend a lot of time doing nothing. There are periods of time when I don’t see a customer for days. This can be excruciating for someone who needs stimulation.

    There is a need to keep the mind occupied if you’re addicted to stimulation. This can take the form of thinking or perhaps reading or watching something. Anything to take the mind out of the present moment. Because in the present moment there is nothing happening. And for me, purely because of my addiction, this nothing can be very tricky to deal with. There is even the possibility I’ll look to fill this nothing with eating! Again my addiction to sugar kicks in. Can you gain a sense of my dilemma?

    A dilemma until I find myself able to cope with nothingness in the present moment. And then something does come from nothing . . . calm control over my mind and my beautiful life.

    Learn to improve mindfulness from the gentle art of meditation

  • You Already Are What You Want to Become

    We might ask: How is it this kind of language and thinking isn’t being heard as much as it should? Much of what you will hear in this video is simple and straight forward. It is its very simplicity that makes it so challenging to listen to. Also by adopting the principles and beliefs talked about here you will need to change. And change is the most challenging thing of all. But change we must

  • What Does it Take?

    What does it take to believe that we ALL hold the key to a beautiful life right there in our hands?

    I asked myself: Why didn’t I simply believe what I was being shown twenty five years ago, instead of creating the turmoil, I’ve experienced since? And I understand why. I understand that I didn’t have the courage and strength to look deeply enough into the root of my loneliness. I didn’t want to see how truly alone I was and still am. This alone is the alone we all have. We are all alone within our own minds and much of what we are doing is an attempt to escape this.

    Through looking deeply into my loneliness I understand that I have always felt this way

    And so much of my behavior over the years has been an attempt to ease this unrecognised yearning to feel less lonely. Almost everything: Pleasing people in an attempt to keep them close. The jobs I’ve done, money I’ve earned, and drink and drugs I’ve consumed. When I did finally look at the root of my loneliness it felt like I was going insane. Such was the pain, it felt like I was breaking in two.

    And I believe now, that having come through the other side, fear is no longer the obstacle it once was. What it took, was a true acceptance that I have the solution to cleaning up my life, easily, within my grasp. It took for me to finally accept that I was in charge of all my joys and sorrows. That it was me creating my good and bad experiences: That I am what I think I am, therefore, I am my thoughts. And when we have control over our thoughts we have control over our lives. It really is this simple, and what was clouding my engagement with this, was my determination to avoid looking deeply at loneliness. I was not accepting of myself. In the process all I created was my own personal hell.

    I feel anyone who is experiencing difficulties, and seeking a way out of this, must stop avoiding the self

    Many years ago I wrote about loneliness being the result of loneliness from the self. A failure to be in touch with ones self. Even seeing this and writing it down in a book was insufficient. So great was the fear and anguish. What I needed to do, was to clearly see and feel, all the pain and anguish of the lonely little boy I remained.

    And so, if you want a fast track to a beautiful life, look at what you hold in your hands right there in front of you. Believe the solution is easily within reach and it will be. Paradoxically, looking deeply into our suffering, means we stop choosing it as a life option.

    Learn to be aware of yourself; your thoughts, and award yourself the power, to create a beautiful life.

  • House Clearance

    My partner’s father recently passed away and now there’s a large house and double garage to clear. For over fifteen years, nothing has been thrown away, everything has just been put somewhere out of sight. As they say: “Out of sight out of mind”. I wonder if that’s really true?

    I’d rather you didn’t think I was judging the old man. Many of us have houses full of stuff we no longer use or need. As far as my partner’s dad is concerned, he had health issues. His wife died in 2007 and his son also died just last year. And so things had sort of built up, I suppose. There is even a Nissan Patrol 4.2TD in the garage, that hasn’t seen active service, for many years. I got it running the weekend just gone, but can see I’ll need to replace the brake lines before we can move it anywhere. Fix the breaks, pump up the tyres, and sneak it down south for an MOT.

    It can be hard work clearing out houses. Especially ones where so much stuff has been hidden away. Old bikes in the garage roof space. Piles and piles of old books. The old man actually built the house, with the help of the rest of the family, so there’s even leftover building materials to get rid of. So much stuff to dispose of

    We have made a start. I started to feel a little depressed when spending so much time down at the recycling centre. I wondered: How much of this stuff is actually recyclable? Not a lot. Best to just chuck it. It’ll get burned or crushed and buried. Quite cathartic to be disposing of all the garbage.

    With mindful breathing we say: “Come home to your body” When you become mindful of your breathing you become aware of your only true home

    In this way we can also become aware of the clutter that’s constantly been recycled through our minds. Far best to acknowledge this ‘clutter’ than bury it where it can’t be seen. When we acknowledge it, we can deal with it. Deal with it. It seems to me, that living in a house full of unwanted and unnecessary clutter, can be very depressing. Get rid of it now, never leave it there believing . . . Out of sight out of mind. This isn’t true.

  • Good Consequences of Awareness

    Just as it should be I’m looking to focus on the positive consequences of awareness. Initially, increased awareness can seem negative, and indeed we can’t have one without the other, however, the initial negatives are overtaken by the good, allow me to explain

    Some time ago I was sitting in a meeting of managers headed by myself. I was introducing myself; singing my praises and generally bulling myself up before my audience. I was telling these nine managers all about how successful I’d been at varies points during my working life to date. It wasn’t long before one of these managers pipped up: “It seems you’ve been very successful at everything you’ve done!” she said. I instantly understood this as a sarcastic dig at my egotistical rant, and rightly so. My response probably wasn’t as she expected, I simply said, yes, I have, and this is something I want for you guys too.

    Whatever you set out to achieve give it your all and never give up

    Once drawn to the discipline of meditation it became my aspiration to gain the most from it. Mindfulness or increased awareness is the consequence of regular meditation. There are then consequences to this improved awareness and there is one in particular I’d like to talk about today. That of emotions.

    Of late I’ve noticed more of my emotions seem very close to the surface

    The overriding emotion, I’m accustomed to being at the surface the majority of the time, has been anger. I know how this connects to my past and I understand the associated fear and it’s awareness that has shown me this. Now that the anger is beginning to dissipate, many other emotions have begun to surface. The best way to describe it is to say: I’ve come home to myself. I’ve begun to feel more human; more in touch with myself and my emotions. Another thing that’s there is a lot of sadness and regret. The regret is something I’m dealing with, and as far as sadness is concerned, I can ease this in one major way: filter what I expose my mind to.

    In the past I’ve talked a lot about the media and the importance of filtering what you expose yourself to. The danger of overexposure is the numbing effect. We become indifferent

    It could be said indifference to the human condition has its uses. If we become bogged down with the suffering, the media tells us about every day, it can be counterproductive. So, if we want to help, rather than becoming indifferent, I feel it’s far better to accept that we live in a troubled world and then simply switch the news off. It’s unnecessary to remind oneself of this every day. That said, I know switching off the news is very difficult. Much like sorting my addictions to alcohol, nicotine and sugar (that last one still lingers) switching of my addiction to the news has proved very tricky. I find now though, as a result of my improved awareness – of the present moment – watching the news has become damaging. It’s bringing me down. I can’t be indifferent whilst also being aware. What I can and must do now is make the decision to switch it off and find something else to do.

    The good consequences of awareness is how much more human we become

    All manner of things become brighter and more pleasurable once we’re aware. Aware, it can feel like a shroud has been lifted from your head. It’s as if a level of depression, that you didn’t even realise was there, has been lifted. I’m left wondering how many of us are walking around mildly numb. How many of us, in order to survive, have pushed our awareness and emotions down below the surface? Breath in now, come up for air, it’s time to wake up. It may seem difficult to begin with, but if we don’t do this now, most of us will go to our graves never really experiencing how it feels to be fully alive.

  • Discover a Different Form of Happiness

    It is slightly mind blowing to think that there is in fact a different form of happiness that we can cultivate and focus on

    We must firstly consider what it takes to touch on this other form of happiness. We do of course know the happiness we get from being amongst other people or from our consumerism. We can see the from of happiness we get from outside of ourselves. We feel it internally but the trigger is an external stimuli. Imagine the excitement of a night out with friends or a trip abroad. Image the feelings we receive when we buy something new. This is often what we’re taught happiness is about. I can even remember my own mother describing a child, who had everything they wanted in the material world, as someone who was very loved. Perhaps a way to rationalise her own inability to express love for her children in a tactile way.

    When we begin to see, that happy children aren’t necessarily from wealthy backgrounds, we begin to understand how innocence plays its part. Provided poverty doesn’t equal neglect, money, is actually irrelevant to a child

    One of the most important ways to discover, the form of happiness that exist within us, is the ability to be absolutely, fully, present. I’ve recently found myself with a responsibility I didn’t particularly want. However, understanding the importance of being present, has helped me, not only carry the burden easily, but to enjoy it.

    My sharing of a responsibility is easing the burden on someone else and that is giving me an enormous amount of satisfaction and pleasure. Being present during the process is enabling me to immerse myself fully into it. Whilst aware and present my mind is no longer seeking to be somewhere else doing something that carries less responsibility, or involves anther form of stimulation, that might be more fun. Mindfully working through my responsibility has taken any form of suffering away. When we want (to be doing something different somewhere else) we suffer. We could say that when suffering is removed happiness is what remains.

    This happiness is brought about as a result of fully immersing oneself in being alive. When we do this, pleasure can be derived from the most mundane of actions, because our happiness has changed form

    That’s right! The form of happiness has switch from an external stimulation to the simple pleasure derived from being present and alive. When we fully appreciate the pleasure of being alive – experienced when fully and absolutely present – we are happy. If we’re not fully present we’re not fully appreciating what it actually means to be alive. Our mind is somewhere other than here and now. Surly, when this is the case, are we not three quarters of the way to being dead? Be present and happy, through the mindfulness gained from learning how to improve your mental fitness, through proper meditation practice. Return to innocence now.

  • Right Thinking

    Be aware of this: In the minds of many, the degree of happiness and length of their survival, is determined by the amount of control they have over others. Most often this is other family members. For you, happiness, must be determined by how much control you have over yourself. If not, you will be, as the many

  • Here and Gone

    Death can be such a shock. It can be hard to accept that a person is no longer here

    This is, of course, especially the case if we were close to the person who has died. How can it be that someone simply ceases to exist, that they’ve gone, and we will never again experience their presence? It can seem unbelievable and so hard to accept. There is an empty space there now that can never be filled.

    Take a moment to contemplate the word gone and how it makes you feel

    It’s the finality of the word, is it not? It’s the finality of death. How can it be that death is so final? Why do we struggle so much with this ending of life? They’re such extreme opposites, are they not? Alive/Dead. Aware/Unaware.

    It’s said that the main reason for our suffering in life is our attachment to impermanent things. And we humans are most certainly impermanent. Our awareness of this goes some way to explain our need to leave something of ourselves behind after we’ve gone. Be this our DNA or a statue to mark our achievements whilst we were alive. This is important to most, but not all.

    Professor Brian Cox recently commented on how he always smiles when thinking about the eventual death of the universe and the nonsense of our attempts to immortalize people with things like statues or history books.

    When our attachment to the impermanent fades we begin to accept the absolute necessity of endings

    Why is it necessary, and how do we lose our attachment? Whether we like it or not, nature dictates the need for opposites. It’s deeply enshrined within the laws under which the universe operates. There is on, and there is off. When we are alive, the light is switched on, and when we die, it is off. We could say: the light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long, and yet, this is not always the case.

    A long life is never certain. I believe we can sometimes influence the odds slightly, but that’s about all. Ultimately, if we stay attached to the life that was, we will struggle to accept someone’s passing. If we create an imagined future of what the dead could have achieved and attach ourselves to this, we will struggle. An imagined future is an illusion. They lived, and we must find a way to be thankful for that.

    You may choose to believe that the light can be turned on again in some other place or form or time

    Does this belief have value? I feel that it can be very comforting to believe that our loved ones go on in some way after their death. They have a soul that has permanence.

    It has been noted that when we look deeply at matter, what we see is that it mainly contains information. I wonder if it’s useful to believe that information has permanence and that even after the death of this universe, the information it contains will continue to exist in some form or another. It’s hard to believe that it will all be lost forever, is it not?

    In memory of Pete Cawthorne 1963 – 2021