Practising Mindfulness

Category: Emotional Maturity

  • Mindful Protection

    Gently bring the mind back into the present moment through focusing on the breath

    On the occasions, when we choose to open our minds to what the media is showing us, it seems like the world has gone mad. Has it ever been any different? Large scale conflicts are only symbolic of the turmoil and conflict our leaders are facing. Warped ideology (from our perspective) anger, fear, the need for control, the ego, et cetera, et cetera. All symptomatic of minds out of control.

    Take control of your mind. Take control of your life

    Self consciousness, self awareness, call it what you will. The greater our awareness of thoughts, and how they dictate the kind of life we live, the better. There are those who thrive on chaos. In fact they long for it because it’s all they know. I can relate to this. For much of my time I rejected all that was good in my life through my minds need to feed its addiction to chaos. Constant stimulation. Constant craving. The constant need to ease my loneliness. A loneliness fed by my need for chaos. Can you see the destructive cycle I was in? This is what so many of us are doing: Seeking to ease our loneliness. In the process, our minds take us unceasingly toward what we refuse to look at: Our fear and loneliness. It is us that’s creating the destructive cycle. It is our minds attempt to understand. Great leaders and philosophers of the past knew this and looked to help humanity in its struggles. Until we break the cycle, how will we ever understand? We cannot read and implement what the great leaders of the past taught us without first becoming aware.

    The solution, countless enlightened individuals have found is, mindfulness

    With practice we can get to the root of what we are. We can find a calmness of mind, underneath the chaos, that reveals pure awareness. When we have this, we’re able to notice all the beauty that surrounds us.

    Personal circumstances matter not. There is suffering, yet our suffering can be eased, when we have clear insight into how it is us that amplifies our self-destructive tendency.

    We could choose anger

    Mindfulness helps us understand, it’s what we choose, that determines the quality of life we experience. No matter your circumstances, through learning how to take control of your mind, you empower yourself to make the right choices. If you want purpose in your life make it the development of mindfulness. Develop a beautiful mind. People with purpose make their own choices. Not those dictated to them by others.

  • Embracing Independent Thinking for a Better World

    Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect – Mark Twain

    We need only look into the recent past to see the evidence of how stupid we humans can be when following the majority. Independent thinking, based on some very simple rules, can often get us out of very tricky situations.

    There is enough for everyone. Enough land, enough food, enough money. It can be argued that boarders are necessary. We could say that our growing population needs to be evenly distributed so that a country’s infrastructure can cope. This is common sense. And so if we take the world as a whole, even though we have boarders, resources can easily be distributed among us all. It’s when we fear there not being enough that problems occur. The mentality of: this is mine and that is yours belongs in childhood. We, as a species, are still very much in our infancy.

    That said, it is not all of us that remain in our infancy. We could look at an individual such as Bill Gates and say his attitude and philanthropy is a reflection of his maturity

    Immediately, there are those who will say, oh well it’s okay for Bill Gates he has more money than he could ever spend. And extreme examples are open to this. However, putting this to one side, if we all took Bill Gates philanthropy as an example, and gave away the same proportion of our income, it wouldn’t amount to that much. But would certainly make a massive difference in terms of how wealth is distributed. All that needs to happen is for us to grow a little so we may lose the same mentality as our children.

    Ultimately, all of us are only ever custodians, of what we think of, as our possessions. And this includes land. In time all boarders will change. How will we continue to distribute land as the planet rearranges itself? Something it has done from the very beginning. Do we just fight more wars and continue with the hatred and anger we’re currently experiencing? There will be generation after generation of this. Or will we eventually reach the kind of understandings needed for a long term, peaceful, survival? I would suggest more thinking, away from the majority, is required. You can start today. Can you not? Time to pause and reflect.

  • Mindful of the Game #3

    If those closest to you cannot adequately consider your needs, or at the very least make allowances for them, what is at the root of this?

    By asking the important question of how this makes us feel, we can begin to understand. If others are unable – or just indifferent – to your needs, how does this make you feel? Lonely? Frustrated? Angry? Perhaps all of these emotions occur just on different occasions. From my own perspective, it comes down to the level of my awareness. It all depends on how mindful I choose to be about others’ behaviour. When fully aware, I predominantly feel angry when my needs are disregarded.

    And here is the answer: My anger. Others need this if they’re unable to express this themselves. The purpose, or root to the game, of disregarding my needs, is no more complicated than this. In my particular circumstances, once I ask the right questions, I’m able to remind myself of the limitations of those around me. The game of ignoring my needs is being played in order to use my emotions as a tool. This tool can then be used for varying things. Rejection can be an aspect to this.

    So, to recap. If others are being inconsiderate to your needs, ask yourself how this makes you feel. Now. Why would others need you to feel this way? To help you? Or as a means of using your emotions to reach a goal of their own?

    The key to a more comfortable life and to finding considerate, loving people within it is mindfulness. Become aware of the game. If you remain unaware of how others may be subtly manipulating you or even bullying you, the game is over before you’ve even begun. Without awareness, you’re stuck in a game being played around you that you’re losing. Be mindful and begin to play with a far better hand.

  • Mindful of the Game

    By taking a moment to process the kind of responses people give, can help to ensure the rules or purpose of the game, (it’s always a game) are fully understood

    Often, when talking to friends, family and partners, we can neglect to register the nature and true purpose of the interaction. Most importantly, there are times when the interaction has a nefarious root. Responses can be geared so that their effect, if not quickly realised, are unconsciously damaging. Subtle gaslighting if you will. Always slow and consider any potential hidden agenda when interacting with other game players.

    It may not be possible to read the true purpose of the interaction first time. No matter. Just acknowledge how the conversation or questions make you feel. In this way the next time you’ll be ready to play the game differently

    Consider something as simple as giving your opinion on how something looks. It may be that the true intention (unconscious intention) is to ultimately dismiss your opinions as worthless. Are you being lead to feel that your opinion will help to ease someone’s indicisiveness only for this to then be ignored? Does this happen often? Be aware of the game and learn how gaslighting in this way can be played to give others a harmful advantage. Harmful, because ultimately, it’s psychologically damaging. Once you’re aware (mindful), of their fear based advantage, it becomes neutralised. Your love based gameplay can come into force when you gently point out your awareness of their intention. They will of course deny any nefarious intention and this, once again, is just gameplay. Be aware.

  • Mindful of the Root to Anger

    We see violence and anger and for many of us our instant reaction is to be angry and violent ourselves

    I watch a child shouting abusive language at an adult and I instantly feel angry. I want to discipline this child. Teach them to respect adults and know their place. I want to shout and slap. I’m angry enough for this to build into rage and fury.

    It’s only when I stop and become mindful do I realise what this actually is. I become aware of how infected by fear I have become. The angry child is terrified and powerless and all I wanted to do was compound this. I became fearful and angry myself. It’s a childish response. I must be the adult

    Once I acknowledge the responsibility of becoming the adult I allow something else to take over my mind. That’s right. I allow room in my mind for the opposite of fear. As soon as I do this it is this emotion that begins to consume my thinking and feelings. I allow it to consume my mind. When I do this, what I want now, is to hold this terrified child in my arms until my love helps their fear subside. The antidote to fear and anger, that can all too easily build into rage and fury, is love. All we need do is become mindful enough to begin questioning our initial reaction. In this way we begin to give love room to exist in our minds.

    An important consideration is how mindfulness can allow us to see the very root to our initial reaction to a child’s anger. We can ask: How is it I feel instantly angry myself? Where did I learn this reaction?

    In my case this reaction is down to conditioning. I was taught that children are inferior to adults and should reflect this in their behaviour. Authoritarian parents – inferior, childish and conditioned themselves – made certain that I showed inferiority to their superiority. As such, my instant reaction to seeing, or experiencing a child demonstration abusive angry, language to an adult, was as my conditioning dictated. Instead, I can be aware now, and allow the opposite of fear to consume me.

  • Replace all the Parts

    When components are interconnected it means all of the parts will experience wear. If we replace a shock absorber on a car’s suspension system, we must replace all the interconnected components that are also likely to be worn. If not, we won’t experience the full benefit of the replaced part, and quite possibly, cause damage to this new part as a result.

    In this respect, if we want mindfulness to be effective, and receive great benefits from our practise, we must have an understanding of the interconnectedness and relationships between our thoughts and behaviours. Provided our understanding is deep enough, the practice of mindfulness, can improve our lives and help us understand why we do what we do. When we have this understanding we have the power to change.

    If we wish, we can trace the origins of mindfulness, back to Buddhism. And if we’re embarking on a spiritual path, as a means of developing ourselves, or simply because we have an interest in this area, then I will agree with the Buddhist’s point of view – that we cannot have mindfulness, without Buddhist beliefs.

    I am not on a spiritual path but I do want a healthy mind and body. In this respect, developing and improving my awareness of actions, words. thoughts, their root, and how they effect me, is the way forward. This, is to have a deep understanding, of mindfulness.

    I must remember that the mind is predisposed to reject what contrary to the established beliefs I hold. And to question the effectiveness of complicated solutions will help with this. Simple is challenging, and yet simple solutions, are always the most powerful. It’s conflicting beliefs that complicate matters. The belief that mindfulness must be associated with being spiritual can hold us back. We can take this one aspect of a belief system (mindfulness), believe in it’s effectiveness, and improve our general wellbeing.

    I feel that it’s much to the chagrin of spiritual leaders that we can take one aspect of a belief system, without having to abide to ridged doctrines, for it to be effective. However, to succeed at our endeavour of improved wellbeing, we must grasp all aspects of what it means to be mindful.

    The challenge is mindfulness in itself. Our addiction to being over stimulated, through thinking, lifestyle, beliefs and our behaviours is, so powerful, that the mind would much rather stick with this chaos, than find the opposing state of mind stillness will bring. The mind is often completely unaccustomed to stillness, especially during stressful, anxious times. And we can still the mind, through a deep understanding of mindfulness, even when what’s going on around us is the usual chaos. All we need do is believe it’s possible.

  • What Does it Take?

    What does it take to believe that we ALL hold the key to a beautiful life right there in our hands?

    I asked myself: Why didn’t I simply believe what I was being shown twenty five years ago, instead of creating the turmoil, I’ve experienced since? And I understand why. I understand that I didn’t have the courage and strength to look deeply enough into the root of my loneliness. I didn’t want to see how truly alone I was and still am. This alone is the alone we all have. We are all alone within our own minds and much of what we are doing is an attempt to escape this.

    Through looking deeply into my loneliness I understand that I have always felt this way

    And so much of my behavior over the years has been an attempt to ease this unrecognised yearning to feel less lonely. Almost everything: Pleasing people in an attempt to keep them close. The jobs I’ve done, money I’ve earned, and drink and drugs I’ve consumed. When I did finally look at the root of my loneliness it felt like I was going insane. Such was the pain, it felt like I was breaking in two.

    And I believe now, that having come through the other side, fear is no longer the obstacle it once was. What it took, was a true acceptance that I have the solution to cleaning up my life, easily, within my grasp. It took for me to finally accept that I was in charge of all my joys and sorrows. That it was me creating my good and bad experiences: That I am what I think I am, therefore, I am my thoughts. And when we have control over our thoughts we have control over our lives. It really is this simple, and what was clouding my engagement with this, was my determination to avoid looking deeply at loneliness. I was not accepting of myself. In the process all I created was my own personal hell.

    I feel anyone who is experiencing difficulties, and seeking a way out of this, must stop avoiding the self

    Many years ago I wrote about loneliness being the result of loneliness from the self. A failure to be in touch with ones self. Even seeing this and writing it down in a book was insufficient. So great was the fear and anguish. What I needed to do, was to clearly see and feel, all the pain and anguish of the lonely little boy I remained.

    And so, if you want a fast track to a beautiful life, look at what you hold in your hands right there in front of you. Believe the solution is easily within reach and it will be. Paradoxically, looking deeply into our suffering, means we stop choosing it as a life option.

    Learn to be aware of yourself; your thoughts, and award yourself the power, to create a beautiful life.

  • Empower Your Higher Self

    By taking control of your chattering mind you’re automatically giving your higher self a chance to be heard

    I firmly believe in the concept of a higher self. Without this belief to call on I feel my life would be at risk of spiralling out of control. And the important point to gain from todays post, is not so much the idea of a higher self, but the necessity of allowing this aspect of ourselves to be heard.

    If we never take the opportunity to stop and take control of our minds, through meditation that leads to improved mindfulness, what chance would a quiet, peaceful, and loving voice have of being heard? This voice is of course our own and can only be heard once all other chatter is still.

    Our internal chatter is the self-programming that instructs us on how to think and behave. And this in turn is based on our beliefs, hang ups, fears and ambitions. There’s a lot of clutter there and some of this clutter is the deciding factor in so many of our difficulties and anguish. So when we’re able to silence all the noise – if only for brief moments – our higher self is given the opportunity to break through.

    Your higher self knows the answers to so many of your questions. It is the part of you that knows what you must do in order to live well

    Through choosing to take control of your mind, you will be empowering your higher self, to award you clear instructions on what you must do. Consider how the only motivation of this aspect of your self is love. When we give love a voice, what do we hear?

  • Understanding Patience

    I’m siting in my room waiting. I’m impatient for something to happen. I feel frustrated and anxious. I feel like I’m suffering, there’s almost a physical pain, to my impatience

    In that moment, back then, I’m about ten years old. I’ve always struggled with empty moments; when there’s nothing happening. During this time the void is filled with anxiety, wanting and the nonexistent silence. I might spend time running through imaginary scenarios in my mind, seeking to figure out what I’d like to do, in order to fill up these nothing moments. Often, none of the scenarios I imagine take my fancy, and so I’m just left with feelings of frustration, over my sense that time, is being wasted. And our time is short.

    I’ve since learnt to lower my expectations and understand how inevitable it is that a lonely and unstimulated child will suffer

    The opposite, is an overly stimulated child, who doesn’t know this nothingness and then grows into an adult who always crams to much in; late for everything and everyone. Finding somewhere in between is the ideal. The ability to calmly make a plan for the day appreciating how long each activity will take.

    Oddly enough I’m drawn to nothingness; the desire to do nothing. It’s as if my mind is seeking to show me what exists within this nothingness; that my mind is seeking to reveal the root of my frustration: a childhood of neglect

    It’s often the case, that the many children who experience neglect, build powerful imaginations. We could even say that the building of a powerful imagination was our coping mechanism. Certainly useful as a child and also useful when seeking creativity as an adult. One thing we must now learn though, is the ability to quieten such an imagination. The mind can become hopelessly addicted to the stimulation our imagination provides. We must learn the patience needed to calm ourselves, and accept that we are no longer a child, that craves the stimulation and company of an absent parent.

    Patience comes from maturity and wisdom. Emotional maturity reveals how ridiculous it is, to expect something to happen, if we just wait long enough. Wisdom shows us what we must do to make our desires a reality

    Impatience is borne from a mind that is constantly casting itself into an imagined future. A mind that is untamed – believing that time is short – will be frustrated to be elsewhere doing something else, seeking fulfillment of impossible dreams. Patience comes when we cease the unnecessary search; when we’re able to move from one moment to the next, content in ourselves; expectations properly placed. Stop listening to the nonexistent.

  • Stimulation

    Image by Pexels
    The need for stimulation is fine and creating the need for it’s opposite is also fine

    Think of a child constantly seeking stimulation. When a child is stimulated, it’s often because a parent, carer or teacher, is being attentive to them. They’re being entertained, educated and played with. When the child is stimulated in this way the result is happiness, excitement and growth. Ultimately, and for obvious reasons, we can become totally addicted to this.

    On a personal level the later part of my childhood was filled with the kind of stimulation fear brings: chaos

    Interestingly enough I feel that as a result of this chaos my mind often craved calm. The only problem with calm is it’s seeming lack of stimulus. Children that are unfamiliar with calm, only knowing chaos, become very accustomed to the need for stimulation. We can end up conflicted, wondering about the exhaustion we often feel, and why we can’t seem to turn of our need for constant stimulus.

    Wanting is driven by our addiction and craving for stimulation

    It harks back to childhood and the way in which we were stimulated then. The positive of this was experienced by lucky children who where encouraged to find stimulation through creativeness. We can easily recognise those individuals, especially those who continue to be creative all their lives. Caution is advised though, because craving the kind of stimulation creativeness brings, does engender a degree of danger. However, the survivors of this danger, are those who’re able to find balance and a calmness of mind inbetween their creativeness. Sting would be a fine example.

    And so we can experience happiness, growth and contentment if we have a healthy balance between our need for stimulation, and our need for calm. Learning to meditate, in order to find improved mindfulness, is the easiest way to begin finding this kind of balance. The alternative, could well be a lifetime seeking to understand the conflict, caused by our addiction.