Practising Mindfulness

Category: Health and Well-being

  • A Meditation on Low Self-Worth

    I thought I’d mark the realization that I’ve now been sober for over ten years by meditating and writing about low self-worth

    Thinking to myself about the subject of low self-worth, I understand how I can apply this limitation to so many aspects of my life.

    To begin with, what motivates us? The desire to please others is often the key to our success. Fathers, mothers, wives, husbands, and other people who we might look up to are often high on the list of people we would like to please.

    This desire to please can be something that is entirely conscious, or it can remain below our consciousness and be a driving we’re unaware of. Either way, those of us who lack self-worth can be hampered by this if it becomes the main driving.

    Hampered because there can be no real sense of achievement if we’re doing it to win favour of someone else

    If our self-worth is low, there is little reason to achieve anything for ourselves. Any achievement has no value if we don’t value ourselves. As you might expect, our self-esteem is something awarded to us during our developmental years. When the child experiences very little encouragement to achieve, or praise when succeeding, their self-esteem remains stunted.

    Once we are grown, we must firstly recognize the problem of low self-worth and set about the sometimes lengthy process of building it

    I feel one very powerful way to change low self-worth is to consider the empowering nature of love. Stopping drinking and deciding to take better care of myself speaks volumes. We can’t do this without love and a powerful survival instinct. I’m aware of love and that I’m a survivor. It is possible to use this to build self-worth.

    In terms of finding motivation and the desire to achieve, this becomes easier simply through the awareness, it’s low self-worth that’s been limiting me

    As simple as it may seem, it really can be just a case of being aware. It’s not until we’re aware of our true nature and accepting of this that we become unstuck.

    Being aware of the consequences of low self-worth, on our own behaviour and troubles, instantly causes change.

    As I do now, make your motivation all about the empowering nature of love. Become aware of love. If you’re alive, you can be certain it’s there if you look. When you find it, hold it in your arms, and know your true value as a living, breathing, human being.

  • Look Deeply Into Your Feelings and Be Free!

    No matter in what way you feel that you’re suffering, stop, experience the feeling, and look deeply into it

    Vast numbers of us deal with our pain and suffering through the coping mechanisms we’ve learnt. Without having learnt how to moderate our attachments to things and people we will of course suffer when they’re taken away. The ideal is to remain mindful of the type of love we exhibit to those around us and stay mindful of our attachments to impermeant things. Love, that’s based on ownership and desire, will cause great suffering to all, whereas love, that involves the need to empower those around us, and is built on understanding and compassion, will create a lot of joy and freedom.

    When we continue to deal with our pain and suffering through coping mechanisms, we’re never fully free, we’re simply coping

    It’s the process of stopping that we must acknowledge. In the past, when we’ve wanted to change a feeling, or try and distance ourselves from it, this is when the coping mechanisms have instantly kicked in. Instead, if we mindfully stop and notice the feelings, we’re then given the opportunity to look deeply at them and understand their root.

    Moving through our pain and suffering instantly frees us

    They say that suffering is a choice. And indeed it is when we know, and yet continue to ignore, that by exploring it and understanding its root we’d be free. Once we have this knowledge, and yet continue to use whatever means we have of coping, then we are in fact only choosing to put of our suffering. Its return is the choice we’re making.

    So stop, look, and listen. When we understand the root of our loneliness and then decide to love ourselves – through acknowledging the value of our feelings – we become free. Our feelings, whether happy, or sad and painful, must all be embraced. Until we do this, our wholeness remains illusive, and we continue to suffer. Think of a time when you’ve been fearful before a certain activity. Once you’ve moved beyond the fear all is well. It’s the same with our suffering. Move through it and be free!

  • House Clearance

    My partner’s father recently passed away and now there’s a large house and double garage to clear. For over fifteen years, nothing has been thrown away, everything has just been put somewhere out of sight. As they say: “Out of sight out of mind”. I wonder if that’s really true?

    I’d rather you didn’t think I was judging the old man. Many of us have houses full of stuff we no longer use or need. As far as my partner’s dad is concerned, he had health issues. His wife died in 2007 and his son also died just last year. And so things had sort of built up, I suppose. There is even a Nissan Patrol 4.2TD in the garage, that hasn’t seen active service, for many years. I got it running the weekend just gone, but can see I’ll need to replace the brake lines before we can move it anywhere. Fix the breaks, pump up the tyres, and sneak it down south for an MOT.

    It can be hard work clearing out houses. Especially ones where so much stuff has been hidden away. Old bikes in the garage roof space. Piles and piles of old books. The old man actually built the house, with the help of the rest of the family, so there’s even leftover building materials to get rid of. So much stuff to dispose of

    We have made a start. I started to feel a little depressed when spending so much time down at the recycling centre. I wondered: How much of this stuff is actually recyclable? Not a lot. Best to just chuck it. It’ll get burned or crushed and buried. Quite cathartic to be disposing of all the garbage.

    With mindful breathing we say: “Come home to your body” When you become mindful of your breathing you become aware of your only true home

    In this way we can also become aware of the clutter that’s constantly been recycled through our minds. Far best to acknowledge this ‘clutter’ than bury it where it can’t be seen. When we acknowledge it, we can deal with it. Deal with it. It seems to me, that living in a house full of unwanted and unnecessary clutter, can be very depressing. Get rid of it now, never leave it there believing . . . Out of sight out of mind. This isn’t true.

  • Mindfulness of Beliefs

    Taking mindfulness up to the next level, we can use it to improve further aspects, of our lives

    Our beliefs influence our lives in ways that it can be quite staggering to comprehend. And we can gain sufficient understanding of beliefs, and how being mindful of them can improve our lives, in a relatively short period of time. There’s little need to go into a detailed study of beliefs, all we need do, is apply some simple understandings of them – and mindfulness – in order to make some powerful changes.

    Lets’s begin with a useful example of beliefs in relationships

    Think about growing up with a parent (or parents) who believed that relationships can be open. If you’re unsure of what I mean by ‘open’ please look up the exact meaning of this type of relationship here. On a personal level, I have very firm boundaries in respect of intimate relationships, and that’s how it works for me. Some might describe my view, or beliefs, as dated or restricted in some way, however, from my understanding, open relationships tend to create far more problems than they solve. Anyway, consider how things might be to a child growing up in such a household. A specific example I can share with you is, that of a child who sensed her mothers disappointment at her fathers promiscuity. This disappointment was emotionally transferred to the child who went on to believe that relationships where ‘disappointing’.

    Now, the point to be mindful of here is, the question of how such an individual went on to create disappointing relationships, as an adult. To help with this, we can ask ourselves the question: what would need to happen for me to find relationships disappointing? And I’m not talking specifically about intimate relationships here. The deep rooted belief that relationships are disappointing will spill over into all relationships. We must remember that the mind has a tendency to generalize when it come to beliefs. The mind will group all relationships together and find ways in which they are all a disappointment in one form or another.

    When asking yourself that earlier question, I wonder what answer came back to you? Perhaps disappointment in a relationship would be something as simple as poor timekeeping. In the case of the individual who grew up in a promiscuous household, she found relationships disappointing, when she couldn’t trust people to stay true to future arrangements. The way in which she did this, was to always make some small change to plans with friends, that would involve some uninvited element that would then cause her friends to feel disappointed. This would then cause her friends to make changes that then disappointed her. The end result being the fulfillment of her belief that relationships are disappointing.

    Take some time with that last paragraph, as understanding it fully, will prove very powerful.

    Until we’re mindful of how we find fulfillment of our beliefs, and take responsibility for this, we will continue running around in circles

    It’s useful to keep in mind how it is us that creates our own difficulties. It’s far too easy to blame some sort of external element. This is of course the point. The mind would prefer to hold on to its beliefs because to do this is an efficient use of energy. So pinning the blame somewhere, other than on ourselves, saves energy. Change takes effort. Changing beliefs takes a great deal of effort, and yet through being mindful, of how our beliefs can be influencing the flow of our lives, change begins to gently happen. A gentle flow is preferable and this is helped through mindfulness of our beliefs.

  • Mindfulness of Anger: A Constructive Force for Good

    I’ve built a beautiful fortress around myself and those I love. In search of the answer to their confusion, there are unthinking people who want to penetrate my defenses

    I cannot be an android disassociated from his feelings. As much as I might feel there is an advantage to this, I understand that if I deny my discomfort, pain, or suffering, I also deny happiness and pleasure. Anger arises in me when people behave in unthinking ways. Anger arises when people behave in ways towards me – and those I love – that might hurt them or bring them down. Inconsiderate, inappropriate, and damn right abusive treatment causes such rage. It is only mindfulness of my anger that saves me.

    Mindfulness of my anger enables me to control it and use its power in a constructive fashion

    When I feel my anger rising I take a breath and notice it. I then ask myself:

    What is causing my anger?

    What is at the root of my anger?

    What is my fear?

    Abusive and inconsiderate behaviour angers me because I’m fearful. Fearful that I, or someone I love, is being taken advantage of. These attempts are disrespectful. If someone is unable to show me, and those I love respect, then I don’t want those people in my life. Simple.

    The force of anger awards me the strength to rebuild my fortress. But only when I understand through finding the answers to my questions. The key to my freedom, strength, and the beauty of my fortress starts with mindfulness.

    For you, it may not be necessary, or even attractive, to analyse the how and why of peoples behaviour. All that’s necessary is the mindfulness of anger: a force to protect us

    Living in the real world means we must be aware of the dangers. We must be streetwise. The only way to protect oneself – in the real world – is awareness of the darker side of human nature. There are people who want to take advantage of you. On the way to the top of their illusions, they will attempt to use you as a stepping stone. There are also people who are simply unaware of how damaging their behaviour can be. Mindfulness helps to raise our awareness, ask the right questions of ourselves, and set appropriate boundaries.

  • Good Consequences of Awareness

    Just as it should be I’m looking to focus on the positive consequences of awareness. Initially, increased awareness can seem negative, and indeed we can’t have one without the other, however, the initial negatives are overtaken by the good, allow me to explain

    Some time ago I was sitting in a meeting of managers headed by myself. I was introducing myself; singing my praises and generally bulling myself up before my audience. I was telling these nine managers all about how successful I’d been at varies points during my working life to date. It wasn’t long before one of these managers pipped up: “It seems you’ve been very successful at everything you’ve done!” she said. I instantly understood this as a sarcastic dig at my egotistical rant, and rightly so. My response probably wasn’t as she expected, I simply said, yes, I have, and this is something I want for you guys too.

    Whatever you set out to achieve give it your all and never give up

    Once drawn to the discipline of meditation it became my aspiration to gain the most from it. Mindfulness or increased awareness is the consequence of regular meditation. There are then consequences to this improved awareness and there is one in particular I’d like to talk about today. That of emotions.

    Of late I’ve noticed more of my emotions seem very close to the surface

    The overriding emotion, I’m accustomed to being at the surface the majority of the time, has been anger. I know how this connects to my past and I understand the associated fear and it’s awareness that has shown me this. Now that the anger is beginning to dissipate, many other emotions have begun to surface. The best way to describe it is to say: I’ve come home to myself. I’ve begun to feel more human; more in touch with myself and my emotions. Another thing that’s there is a lot of sadness and regret. The regret is something I’m dealing with, and as far as sadness is concerned, I can ease this in one major way: filter what I expose my mind to.

    In the past I’ve talked a lot about the media and the importance of filtering what you expose yourself to. The danger of overexposure is the numbing effect. We become indifferent

    It could be said indifference to the human condition has its uses. If we become bogged down with the suffering, the media tells us about every day, it can be counterproductive. So, if we want to help, rather than becoming indifferent, I feel it’s far better to accept that we live in a troubled world and then simply switch the news off. It’s unnecessary to remind oneself of this every day. That said, I know switching off the news is very difficult. Much like sorting my addictions to alcohol, nicotine and sugar (that last one still lingers) switching of my addiction to the news has proved very tricky. I find now though, as a result of my improved awareness – of the present moment – watching the news has become damaging. It’s bringing me down. I can’t be indifferent whilst also being aware. What I can and must do now is make the decision to switch it off and find something else to do.

    The good consequences of awareness is how much more human we become

    All manner of things become brighter and more pleasurable once we’re aware. Aware, it can feel like a shroud has been lifted from your head. It’s as if a level of depression, that you didn’t even realise was there, has been lifted. I’m left wondering how many of us are walking around mildly numb. How many of us, in order to survive, have pushed our awareness and emotions down below the surface? Breath in now, come up for air, it’s time to wake up. It may seem difficult to begin with, but if we don’t do this now, most of us will go to our graves never really experiencing how it feels to be fully alive.

  • What to Believe to Make the Change

    My curiosity constantly draws me into seeking to understand what drives people. I’m curious as to what it takes to make a person want to live well. Why should we search for peace? Why should we question our addictions? Why should we care?

    I feel the answer to these questions lies entirely in the level of compassion that’s been instilled in us from a very early age. Self-compassion, or compassion for the wellbeing of others, I believe is something that starts very early. It’s those parents who buy their child a rabbit, with the intention of helping that child build love and compassion for other beings, who raise a human that’s likely to care. The caring and taking responsibility for another being, from an early age, helps the child understand the two way nature of the relationship. Pleasure is awarded the child whose rabbit is healthy because they’ve taken proper care of it. Also, when the rabbit eventually dies, the child learns from their suffering. They learn that happiness and suffering go hand in hand.

    There must be sufficient reward for caring. There must always be something in it for us and we must never be ashamed to know and admit this. Our survival is paramount and we must be taught that when we make our survival the priority, we inadvertently lift everyone else

    Consider the late spiritual leader Thích Nhất Hạnh. Many have described his greatest achievement as the communities he created; the Sangha. We must ask what was his motivation? The first driver will have been his belief. His faith. He believed in Buddhism with every fiber of his being. He also believed he had the medicine to help people out of their suffering; that Buddhism had some of the solutions to humanities plight. The second driving will have been his compassion. He wanted all of us to better deal with our suffering, through living lives, that had more of an acceptance of how – according to Buddhist understandings – we generate our suffering. The third, and by no means last motivation, will have concerned the pleasure he received as a result of helping others prosper.

    The communities he created are currently hard at work looking to spread the word. They’re looking to spread the word of mindfulness and the importance of love and compassion in the world. It’s my understanding, that the current they will always be swimming against, is that of the conflicting beliefs our children are still being taught.

    We must understand that the rewards we receive concern the easing of our own suffering. The child must be taught to understand, how it’s the process of helping other beings prosper, that in turn creates their own prosperity

    It starts with: What do I want? Thích Nhất Hạnh saw the image of a Buddha as a child and decided: “That’s what I want to be” it started with what he wanted and the comfort that there will be some benefit to him. His compassion for other beings then drove him to want this for others too. His communities were his masterpiece and what piece of mind this must have offered him.

    If you want piece of mind, if you’ve finally had enough of our destructive patterns of living, ask yourself what you believe is the best way to live well. To give or to take? I would suggest neither. I would suggest that through reaching for the child within, who wanted the rabbit to thrive, we get closer to finding the truth. We are neither giving or taking, just simply being compassionately and mindfully there for another being, and in turn it will be there for us. Make your driving a deep desire to help others prosper and make the miracle happen.

  • Discover a Different Form of Happiness

    It is slightly mind-blowing to think that there is, in fact, a different form of happiness that we can cultivate and focus on

    We must first consider what it takes to touch on this other form of happiness. We do, of course, know the happiness we get from being amongst other people or from our consumerism. We can see the from of happiness we get from outside of ourselves. We feel it internally, but the trigger is an external stimuli.

    Imagine the excitement of a night out with friends or a trip abroad. Image the feelings we receive when we buy something new. This is often what we’re taught happiness is about. I can even remember my own mother describing a child, who had everything they wanted in the material world, as someone who was very loved. Perhaps a way to justify her own inability to express love for her children in a tactile way.

    When we begin to see that happy children aren’t necessarily from wealthy backgrounds, we begin to understand how innocence plays its part. Provided poverty doesn’t equal neglect, money, is actually irrelevant to a child

    One of the most important ways to discover, the form of happiness that exists within us, is the ability to be absolutely, fully, present. I’ve recently found myself with a responsibility I didn’t particularly want. However, understanding the importance of being present has helped me not only carry the burden easily but to enjoy it.

    My sharing of a responsibility is easing the burden on someone else, and that is giving me an enormous amount of satisfaction and pleasure. Being present during the process is enabling me to immerse myself fully into it.

    Whilst aware and present, my mind is no longer seeking to be somewhere else doing something that carries less responsibility or involves another form of stimulation, which might be more fun.

    Mindfully working through my responsibility has taken any form of suffering away. When we want (to be doing something different somewhere else), we suffer. We could say that when suffering is removed, happiness is what remains.

    This happiness is brought about as a result of fully immersing oneself in being alive. When we do this, pleasure can be derived from the most mundane of actions because our happiness has changed form

    That’s right! The form of happiness has switched from an external stimulation to the simple pleasure derived from being present and alive.

    When we fully appreciate the pleasure of being alive – experienced when fully and absolutely present – we are happy. If we’re not fully present, we’re not fully appreciating what it actually means to be alive. Our mind is somewhere other than here and now. Surly, when this is the case, are we not three quarters of the way to being dead?

    Be present and happy, through the mindfulness gained from learning how to improve your mental fitness, through proper meditation practice. Return to innocence now.

  • All the things to Cultivate

    Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

    Does the condition of being human make it hard to cultivate the following?

    • Love
    • Compassion
    • Generosity
    • Empathy
    • Kindness
    • Gentleness
    • Understanding
    • Acceptance

    What I find fascinating is, it’s the very condition of being human, that would have prevented me from seeking more of these things as a younger man.

    In fact, I wouldn’t have had a reason, to seek these things. The methods taught me to survive and cope with the madness were working. For so long, I’ve been wrapped up in the western world’s belief in what form happiness should take, and how to find it.

    Perhaps, now that you are reading this, you’re ready to cultivate the things that really matter in life. If not, there’s every chance it will be a while, before you come back here. Don’t leave it too long.

    The most powerful way of helping others to live with less pain and suffering is to be the very example of what we seek to cultivate

    If you’re ready to find more of these things, and would like to become a shinning example to others, this podcast is a good place to start. Be clear: there is no suggestion that we should all become Buddhist monks. No. The suggestion is that we begin to listen, and become further examples, of those who believe, not just in the power of love and compassion, but in all the things to cultivate.

  • Reduce the Suffering of Others

    I no longer have anything to prove or reason to compete. I’d also like to cease any need to feel validated or approved of. Achieving these things requires mindfulness and once achieved bring peace of mind

    I’ve wondered what’s left when we take away competitiveness, approval and validation. I realise that in order to move forward and engage with life, as the teachers we all are, what remains, indeed must remain, is the simple desire to reduce the suffering of others. Why should we desire this? Because it reduces our own suffering.

    We can all help reduce the suffering we and others experience, through being mindful of our thoughts, speech and actions. These things are interconnected

    I feel we must have the ability to question our beliefs, so we may alter our views, as this enables us to ‘clean up’ our thinking; thinking that is the result of how we were conditioned. Once we’re able to clear the view we’re then able to ensure our thoughts are of a wholesome nature. When our thoughts are wholesome this is reflected in the things we say and do. As a consequence of improving these things, through mindfulness, we instantly reduce all suffering.

    It’s interesting to consider how life would be if more of us gained the awareness of unhealthy competitiveness and how we remain childlike in our need for validation and approval. By casting these things aside, we clear a path for different motivations, of a more wholesome nature. We experience more love and become more compassionate toward our fellow man, our home, our true home (our selves) and all living beings.

    Mindfulness is key. Consider today, how raising your awareness, can improve your quality of life.