Practising Mindfulness

Category: love

  • The Palace of Your Wisdom

    Image by Tibor Lezsófi from Pixabay

    Oftentimes, we hear something, and it just seems to fit. The belief, philosophy, or concept we’re hearing just sits very comfortably

    Try this one and see how it makes you feel:

    We suffer because of our attachment to impermanent things.

    Straight away, as I did, you might think that this is fairly obvious. And it is. It fits, does it not? Even so, we do it anyway. We attach ourselves to our possessions and the people we love. How can we avoid this?

    It is possible to love and at the same time recognise the importance of accepting that everything (except one thing) is impermanent

    Nothing (except one thing) lasts forever. To assume we’re going to be with the same person, or that our circumstances will remain unchanged, all our life is madness. The likelihood is that you’ll have more than one meaningful relationship, and you’ll most certainly experience changes that are both welcome and unwelcome throughout your life. And thank goodness for that.

    The most valuable thing we can take from all of this is how we can reduce our suffering.

    We love someone without attachment when our love is unconditional. Unconditional love for another happens when we’ve looked closely at our fears and fantasies. If there is fear, this means we will apply conditions to our love. These conditions create attachment. They are the attachment

    The long and the short of understanding attachment to anything, be it relationships, money, circumstances, or even life itself, comes from acknowledging our fears and our fantasies.

    There is an antidote to fear. Firstly, we must acknowledge our fear of change and truth (reality). Secondly, we must embrace this fear. To do this, we must imagine how life would be without the thing we’ve become attached to through fantasy and/or fear and simply experience and embrace this feeling. It then becomes easy for us to begin imagining a future where we are free. A future beyond the fear and fantasy

    Loving life , people, and nature becomes something exceptional and genuine when we’re free of fear and fantasy. Accepting impermanence frees us to love unconditionally. We’re able to express love in such a way that it empowers all around us. Unconditional love really is a beautiful thing because I believe it’s the only permanence you’ll ever find.

  • The Strawberry and Custard Tart

    I’ve noticed in one of my local supermarkets that there’s a certain dessert that, although very expensive, is very difficult to get hold of

    On the rare occasion I can find them on the shelf I buy a packet of two. One for me and one for my partner. They are delicious. A short crunchy pastry cup filled with sweet custard and topped with fresh half strawberry’s . . . yum! And this is the very reason they’re in such short supply; they’re so lovely. And here ‘s the thing; they are very expensive. Even so, they sell out, so very quickly. The lesson being: if something is right people will pay for it. It will be in demand. Especially if it satisfies a craving and makes us feel good.

    Is it not the case that the whole of humanity is craving something good? With this in mind how would it be if you were the Strawberry and Custard Tart? How do we need to be so that we’re craved after and in demand?

    In short, the simple answer is, we all need to be excellent examples, of human beings. And there are some excellent examples out there. They just disappear of the shelves rather quickly.

    Quite the opposite are the extreme examples the media like to make so much fuss of. The humans that feel they have the right to dictate how we live, and even if we live at all, are most certainly not Strawberry and Custard tarts. More like a burger made of meat manufactured in a lab. Yuck!

  • Mindful of the Root to Anger

    We see violence and anger, and for many of us, our instant reaction is to be angry and violent ourselves

    I watch a child shouting abusive language at an adult, and I instantly feel angry. I want to discipline this child. Teach them to respect adults and know their place. I want to shout and slap. I’m angry enough for this to build into rage and fury.

    It’s only when I stop and become mindful do I realise what this actually is. I become aware of how infected by fear I have become. The angry child is terrified and powerless, and all I wanted to do was compound this. I became fearful and angry myself. It’s a childish response. I must be the adult

    Once I acknowledge the responsibility of becoming the adult, I allow something else to take over my mind. That’s right. I allow room in my mind for the opposite of fear. As soon as I do this, it’s this emotion that begins to consume my thinking and feelings. I allow it to consume my mind. When I do this, what I want now is to hold this terrified child in my arms until my love helps their fear subside.

    The antidote to fear and anger is love. All we need do is become mindful enough to begin questioning our initial reaction. In this way, we begin to give love room to exist in our minds.

    An important consideration is how mindfulness can allow us to see the very root of our initial reaction to a child’s anger. We can ask: How is it I feel instantly angry myself? Where did I learn this reaction?

    In my case, this reaction is down to conditioning. I was taught that children are inferior to adults and should reflect this in their behaviour. Authoritarian parents – inferior, childish, and conditioned themselves – made certain that I showed inferiority to their superiority. As such, my instant reaction to seeing or experiencing a child demonstrating abusive, angry language to an adult, was as my conditioning dictated. Instead, I can be aware now and allow the opposite of fear to consume me.

  • The Loving Nature of Mindfulness

    By becoming better aware (mindful), of what’s behind our self-destructive nature, we can turn our lives around

    Let’s jump straight in. For us to live a long and fulfilling life, we need to start with something very important. The ability to love one’s self. That’s right. And once again it’s possible to instantly think that this is an oversimplification.

    And yet, when we look, it is easy to see, that those of us who have the grounding of self-love, are, more often than not, the healthiest, most balanced and fulfilled people around.

    In contrast, as with many others, I personally grew up with love being extremely conditional. There were strings attached to any sense of self-love. In other words, I was taught to love only a few aspects of myself.

    These things, within myself, that I learnt to believe as lovable, were only serving a purpose for the people I was around during childhood.

    “Oh doesn’t he have an old head on his shoulders” As with this example – to learn to love one’s self for not being a child – when in childhood – can lead to all sorts of problems

    Being robbed of childhood in this way can be very damaging. To much responsibility in childhood has led me to fervently avoid responsibility in adulthood. Even to myself.

    And we could ask, why did this child have ‘an old head on his shoulders?’ Neglect is what comes to mind. Instead, how would it be if we were taught to love ourselves as a whole?

    How would it be if we were taught, that simply acknowledging our humanity, can be sufficient to love one’s self? Why do we feel the need to make love specific to certain things? Surely our whole being is love.

    Meditation that leads to improved mindfulness is an act of self- love. If we lack this, then caring for ourselves, in any fashion, will be a challenge

    In this respect, if we’re struggling with our practice of meditation, and giving out all manner of reasons for why (I don’t have time, I lack self discipline etc.) it would be very valuable to question if it’s a lack of self-love that’s lying at the core.

    If so, learning to love one’s self, can be a challenge the mind would prefer not to take on. Bear this in mind with the answers that present themselves when asking probing questions.

  • Why a Mindfulness Workshop is so Important

    When first becoming involved with mindfulness you’ll quickly learn that meditation is the root to improvement

    Meditation has its challenges and as Mark Manson so eloquently puts it in his book Every Thing is F*cked:

    “Rigorous meditation involves sitting quietly and mercilessly observing yourself. Every thought, every judgment, every inclination, every minute fidget and flake of emotion and trace of assumption that passes before your mind’s eye is ideally captured, acknowledged, and then released back into the void. And worst of all, there’s no end to it. People always lament that they’re “not good” at meditation. There is no getting good. That’s the whole point. You are supposed to suck at it. Just accept the suckage. Embrace the suckage. Love the suckage.”

    As a result of attending a workshop, that teaches the use of meditation as a means of improving mindfulness, you will learn that lengthy or rigorous meditation is really only for hard core extremists or devout Buddhists.

    All we’re looking to achieve is an improved level of consciousness. To simply become more aware. This improved awareness can help us to care for our mind and body.

    Something that Mark Manson also points out is the importance of community. It is important to be amongst people who have similar aspirations. Workshops that bring like minded people together are very powerful at validating and supporting individuals who are embarking on change.

    And change is something you will experience with improved mindfulness. You will become aware of how forgetful (the opposite of mindful) others seem to be. And you will also see, that through learning to view ourselves in a non-judgmental way during meditation, we’re then aware of the importance of viewing everything and everybody in this way too.

  • Remove the cancer of negativity

    Negativity
    Think about dreams. Think about their symbolic nature. More than symbolic, we could even go as far as saying our dreams, are metaphorical

    Dreams are the language of the unconscious. Taking this one step further, what other methods of communication does the unconscious utilise? Our unintentional, or unconscious behaviour, is of course a form of communication to others. So what about the unconscious communication our mind uses, along with dreams, to speak directly to our consciousness? It’s important to consider the symbolic, metaphorical nature, of unconscious communication.

    Gilbert Ryle condescendingly referred to René Descartes‘ concept of mind-body dualism as: “The Ghost In The Machine.” It’s also certainly clear to me, no duality exists between body and mind, hence the term ‘bodymind’ found elsewhere, in this blog. As such, when we look closely at this inseparable and complex link, we can safely say, the unconscious communicates in any way it possibly can.

    When we see dis-ease as a clear communication from the bodymind, we’re on the right track to taking full control, of our lives. What do you imagine – with everything said so far – is the bodymind looking to communicate, through the dis-ease of cancer? What metaphorical meaning can we attribute to a cell that won’t die; a cell that refuses to stop replicating itself? Can we consider this cells refusal to die, a metaphor, for not letting go? You bet we can.

    It’s important we understand the necessity in letting go of negativity. Repetitive, negative thoughts and memories, are the product of a mind that refuses to let go. We must understand the message our bodymind sends us. Cancer is a clear message: Let go of the negatives from the past

    Some might say forgiveness is the tool needed for this letting go. I say forget forgiveness, we now have better tools, at our disposal. When we truly let go of the past, forgiveness becomes irrelevant. When we’re able to fully and completely move on, through dropping the past – as you’d drop a piece of rotten wood – we free ourselves of a negative future. That’s right, I repeat: We free ourselves of a negative future.

    Remove the cancer of negativity
    New Growth once we remove the cancer of negativity

    I can teach you how to use tools that utterly dispose of the self-destructive negatives from your past. Learn more here.

  • The Restless Horses

    It has everything to do with awareness of mind

    We might think it’s a secret, or what only the few seem to possess, yet there really is something so simple, and so beautiful, about being aware of your state of mind. It’s the difference that makes the difference.

    When we can answer these next questions we start to understand: From moment to moment what am I thinking? What is my mind seeking?

    When meditating, I sense the thoughts within my mind, as being similar, to a paddock full of wild horses. These horses are noisy and restless. They’re stirring up the dust; it’s arid within the confines of the paddock. They want to escape to an imagined lush green land. They want the satisfaction this would bring. They’re sweating and the whites of their eyes are showing. Their ears are back; focusing only on their fear and agitation. They long to escape.

    The similarity is this restless craving to satisfy their need. My mind craves the escape of thought. It wants to escape its confines

    When the mind is constantly stimulated and engaged it’s happily satisfying its addiction. Like the alcoholic taking the drink, or the sugar addict biting into the chocolate bar – satisfied and happy – if just for a moment. The nature of thought is no different. It becomes addicted to movement, thoughts, and stimulation. If never slowed and calmed it remains as the restless horses. The restless horses have become fearful of their confinement.

    The paradox is, our minds, even though busy and stimulated, are no less restricted. As with any addiction, it serves to distract us, from the real issue

    Think of overeating. When we’re eating we’re happily enjoying the pleasure of satisfying a need. We do this to excess, when the pleasure we gain from eating, has become greater than our conscious awareness. When we’re overeating, or eating the wrong things, we’ve lost conscious control. We’re simply indulging in the pleasure and distraction we gain; we’re mindlessly bolting from the paddock to get at the lush green grass. Feelings of hunger have negative associations to food addicts. They’re blindly satisfying a need with no thought as to why.

    Medicine for your mind    

    Firstly we must imagine that we’ve employed the services of a horse whisperer. We invite him into the paddock and watch, mesmerised as he calms the neighing, crazed wild horses. Once calmed, something magical happens. The horse whisperer is able to open the gate and gently lead the horses out. Once there they’re able to eat from the lush pasture all around. There’s no rush, there’s no wildness in their eyes, anymore. Their ears are forward and with a gentle swish of the tail they stop to stare. Once calm, there’s more for all of us to see, and explore.

    Consider for a moment what the horse whisperer has achieved

    How did he calm them? He calmed them by making them aware. He took the wild panic away through showing them what it was to be calm. He moved slowly and gently amongst them. He lay a calming hand on their manes. He showed them how safe it was inside the paddock. Once they understood, there was no rush to escape; no panic, fuelled by one another. He calmed the horses sufficiently for them to become aware.

    Slow now, be aware of the nature, of your mind

    Notice how it craves to escape. Notice. Where is it seeking to escape to? Away from itself perhaps? Away into thoughts of the past, future or fantasy? How is it we imagine these thoughts are richer than now? Is the alcoholic seeking to escape from himself? Is the food addict doing the same? Our minds have learnt to crave this wild escape; this escape from ourselves. We’ve become addicted to how it feels. 

    Why are meditators happier? They’re happier because they’ve regained awareness of themselves in the present moment. Imagine how it would feel to calmly explore the lush green, present-moment-pastures, the craving for mindlessness is keeping us from. Calm and still our minds will be satisfied.

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  • How to Defend the Empath

    A modern term banded about nowadays is that of being an Empath. It’s really just a way of describing those who have a particularly overblown sensitivity to the mental or emotional state of another

    One of the main reasons for this sensitivity, I believe, comes as a result of the empath being very in touch with themselves. Those of us who have a good understanding of what it is to ‘know oneself’ do tend to display above average empathic abilities.

    There is of course disadvantage, as much as there is advantage, to being an empath. The empath can find themselves easily affected by the behaviour of others. They can also tend to be highly suggestible, and effected by others moods, to such a degree, they’re often swept along by the moment.

    There are times when the majority of us, and not just highly empathic people, become all too aware of the unpalatable and unpleasant aspects of human nature. Under such circumstances, we must all know how to protect ourselves, from its effects.

    We must distract ourselves by focusing our minds on the more positive aspects of human nature. Becoming more involved with the world around us will also help. Move attention, away from the feelings centre, and more toward the other senses.

    I clearly remember telling a trainee therapist one time, how, if she ever felt emotional – at an inappropriate moment – she’d find it useful to look upward

    This is done in order to take the mind out of our feelings or kinaesthetic sense. You’ll often see this when people are unconsciously seeking to control tearfulness. Conscious awareness of this phenomenon (of moving eyes upward) awards us greater control.

    When it comes to greater control, one last thing for us to look at today, is that of how easily empathic people can be emotionally manipulated. This is simply due to their high degree of awareness: the moods of others become theirs. When others are sad so are they, when others are happy, so are they. With this in mind, the clever, abusive manipulator, has the empath in the palm of their hand.

    An uncomfortable paradox for the empath is they’ve often experienced neglect, and other kinds of abuse, during childhood

    And to add insult to injury, as adults, they can also easily find themselves in the hands of abusers. Paradoxically, this is due to survival skills established during childhood, creating vulnerability (if not understood) in adulthood.

    Be aware: if you are empathic there are times when your mind, is quite literally, not your own. Taking back control involves detaching yourself from certain senses. Move your mind onto other things. Allowing yourself to be distracted from the moods of others, may be necessary, to take back control of your mind. As odd as it sounds, you may need to start caring, slightly less.