Practising Mindfulness

Category: Meditation

  • The Mindfulness Tool

    If it hasn’t happened already there will come a time when you’ll try and do a job without the correct tools

    In a sense much of the troubles we encounter in life can be down to using the wrong tools or not sufficiently developing the correct ones. I recently decided to replace the front suspension on my car. All was well until I tried to tighten a particular nut. In order to tighten it sufficiently, it became apparent, that a particular tool was required. I had no idea this tool even existed until I researched it. I knew the centre spindle – of what I was tightening the nut onto – needed securing in some way, but had no way of doing it. I’d worked out how it could be done, but knew of no tool on the market that would be up to the job. I searched the internet and discovered the tool required was called a ‘go through ratchet.’

    Put simply, it enables you to place an alum key through the centre of the ratchet – to hold a spindle still – whilst tightening the nut. A very simple solution that you’d have no idea existed until you took some time to research it. And without the proper tightness on this nut all sorts of problems can arise. From an annoying rattle, to parts wearing out much quicker than they should. You wouldn’t believe the satisfaction I’ve receive from finding the correct tool, that makes a job not just possible, but effortless.

    There are several tools required before you’ll be able to improve you’re level of mindfulness. The first is patience and the second is meditation. Without patience, meditation will be unpleasant, and without meditation, mindfulness will never be fully achieved

    I would suggest the first tool to attain is patience. The tool of patience does come with time, however, no matter how old a person might become they may never learn patience. I believe we develop the tool of patience when we become less fearful. All we need do is ask: How is it I’m in such a rush? What is my frustration? How is it I lack understanding?

    Perhaps compassion will also help us with patience. Yes, we must have understanding and compassion. We must also have very little fear; whether that be a fear of loss, a fear of not being understood – or whatever our fear might be – that’s causing our lack of patience.

    When it comes to meditation, our lack of patience, might be the result of our unwillingness to work as hard as is required to become effective

    Another interesting thing to consider is our self-belief. Do we believe we’re capable. If we lack self-belief this can lead to us trying to use the wrong tools (Meditation/Mindfulness apps?). In addition, attempting to do a job without the proper tools can be a symptom of these kind of beliefs: I always get things wrong. I find things too difficult. I lack patience.

    How will we ever develop patience if we believe something is too difficult. Believing things are beyond our ability will cause us to lose patience and give up.

    For me to complete the job I set out to do, I needed to firstly take a breath, and then use the tool of patience to gain a better understanding, of what I was attempting to do. All I was finding, without the correct tool, was frustration and anger. Now I have the tools and understanding I can finish the job and revel in the feelings of satisfaction that will come with this.

    The degree of mindfulness we achieve will be determined by our mental fitness. Mental fitness is improved through meditation. Meditation becomes a pleasant activity once we have the tool of patience at our disposal. So remember:

    • The tool of patience comes when we are fearless and have understanding and compassion toward ourselves and each other
    • Meditation becomes a pleasant activity once we have patience in our toolbelt
    • Our level of mindfulness is improved through the mental fitness regular meditation awards us

  • Life: A Journey of Self-discovery

    We humans have climbed the highest mountains, dived to the deepest depths of the oceans, and travelled to the moon and back. And all of us are on the most important journey of all: The Journey Home

    On many occasions over the last twenty five years I’ve asked myself this question: How am I doing this? And a very recent revelation for me was the understanding, that it is only when I take full responsibility, for how I create all my joys, sadness, anguish and suffering, will I be better able to control my internal environment. And it is this environment that matters. I have no control over external factors. From the behaviour of others, to the time and date of expected arrivals, these things are in the wind.

    When I fully accept that it is me deciding all matters, whether good, bad, health or ill-health, painful or comforting, I am empowered to change things

    As I go through my day, there are times when I feel my stress levels change. I live with impaired hearing and tinnitus. Through accepting that it is me creating tinnitus I’m empowered to make a choice. I can either suffer or delve into understanding the mechanism behind the issue. I can seek to understand how I increase or decrease my stress levels. This goes for all of us. We can ask ourselves the very same question: How am I doing this? Some might feel offended that I should suggest that we’re all creating our own problems. They might say: “How dare you suggest I’m creating my illness. How dare you suggest I’m choosing to suffer”

    And for those who feel this way, it would be useful to question what being a victim to your problems is doing for you. This is a very important question. I could easily go through the rest of my life feeling like a victim to circumstances. I could continue to blame my past. I’ve spent far too much time doing this already. It hasn’t got me anywhere. The only thing that has succeeded at helping me move forward, and enjoy my life, is the increased awareness of how I must think and act in order to help myself feel happier.

    Through looking deeply into the issue of tinnitus I now understand the link between the condition and fear

    As a child I often felt humiliated. I remember being placed in a remedial class in junior school and I understand the long lasting effects of this. Throughout my life I’ve had a deep fear of looking stupid; of seeming stupid to others. I developed the belief: I am stupid. The first means of attacking my misconceptions and limiting beliefs was to ask: Why does it matter what other people think? And of course it doesn’t. However, the cause of this thinking, comes down to my own habit of judging others. The cure to this is mindfulness of thoughts. Very simple.

    The second means of attack is to consider the consequences of the belief : I look stupid to others. On asking myself what the consequences have been, my mind has shown me many occasions, when my behaviour has been appalling. I’ve actively humiliated myself – and made myself feel stupid to others – so many times I’ve lost count. The flipside of this is to be very controlled and uptight, for fear of making mistakes, and again, looking stupid. This is the power of beliefs. We will actively find ways to fulfil them. Once aware of how we do this, it stops.

    I can easily see the connection between deafness and stupidity. Something that was very prevalent during my early years and perhaps still is today. Are you deaf or stupid? was the question. Some people often connect deafness with stupidity. This was certainly taught to me as a child. And so through this type of questioning and analysis I can clearly see that deafness is a symptom of my belief. I have unconsciously, unknowingly, damaged my very sensitive hearing during my life and there is no going back from this. Tinnitus is connected to how hard I’m straining to hear people. It creates stress and stress worsens the condition.

    And so the cure is firstly to stop judging people (so I stop feeling judged myself). What does it matter what people thing? It doesn’t matter. Why should it? It mattered as a child because it reflected on my schooling. What people thing now is irrelevant. They have no right to judge me. I’m doing the best of my abilities and always have done. The second aspect of the cure is to stop straining to hear people. If I can’t hear them, it doesn’t matter. Sound is often overrated, there are many ways to communicate. At work I no longer ask someone their details, I get them to write it down. I also explain that I’m hearing impaired and seek to shift the onus onto them. We all want to help someone with a disability so people will want to help me understand them. We all want to be understood do we not?

    The most important journey is the one we make in finding ourselves. The sooner the journey starts, the better.

    For help and advice with your own journey you can contact me here: andrew@freedmancollege.org

  • Forgetfulness and a Broken Wrist

    It’s so easy for us to slip out of being mindful of the present moment and this is when accidents can happen

    So there she is, sitting on a bench eating her sandwiches whilst admiring the bluebells, it’s a beautiful day . . . about to be shattered. Up she gets with her mind thinking about what she has next planned. You can almost imagine it happening in slow motion, can’t you? As she places her foot on the ground, she slips on some unseen bluebells growing next to the bench. As she falls backwards, her right hand automatically moves behind her to break her fall. Unfortunately, she lands awkwardly and snap! Her wrist is broken. Pain shoots up her arm instantly telling her something isn’t right.

    Sitting on the ground now, she takes a moment to absorb what’s just happened and looks down at her wrist. Oh, that doesn’t look right. Indeed, it doesn’t, and there seems to be something preventing her from moving her hand in the normal way. That’ll be because of the broken bones, my dear.

    A moment of forgetfulness is all it takes to ruin your day

    And for the unfortunate lady (my partner) in the previous paragraph, the next six weeks, are going to be a challenge. Having taken my partner to the A&E department in Torquay (who did a fantastic job) I witnessed the rather traumatic process of her having the radius bone in her wrist reset. The break is called a distal radius fracture.

    Injections (some kind of pain killer), gas and air (nitrous oxide) all administered and the pulling began. It took three of them: one to pull the hand whilst another held the elbow and the third wrapped the setting plaster. It’s a very painful way to learn about the importance of having the mind firmly in the present moment.

    When placing one foot in front of the other, we often leave this up to our unconscious mind, with the other part of our mind elsewhere. Thich Nhat Hanh actually developed a mindfulness exercise called Mindful Walking. It’s when we place all of our focus and attention on the very thing we’re doing in that moment. Not always possible. And yet if we practice mindfulness, gained from the art of meditation, we are less likely to experience accidents. Forgetfulness is when we fail to remain present.

    Get well soon my love, I promise to do my best, at looking after you. x

  • Freedom of the Present Moment

    A long time ago, living in a fantasy world, was my form of freedom

    It was important for me to develop a powerful imagination and use it as a means of escape. To be able to disassociate from the present was a coping mechanism. Young minds crave stimulation, and when this isn’t forthcoming, from those around them, developing a good imagination is important. And some might say that this can be beneficial in many other ways as we move through life. Lonely children can be very creative. This doesn’t make neglect right though does it? Fortunately enough, we humans do have a profound ability, to turn adversity to our advantage.

    Now that we’re older, continuing to live in fantasy distracts us from being fully alive, and fully experiencing beautiful realities of life. We can miss out on what beauty the world has to offer

    If our present situation is very poor or distressing there can be a tendency for us to remain with the coping mechanism of fantasy. The limitation of this is how it can tend to keep us stuck. When all we do is escape into imaginings, we will continue to live under difficult circumstances, for longer. If we wish to improve our lot then we must act. We cannot act if we don’t aspire.

    And so bringing the mind into the present moment, even when we live under difficult circumstances, guarantees we become fully engaged with the realities of life

    As painful as it might initially be, keeping the mind in the now moment, begins the process of setting ourselves free. We can’t be free if our minds our not present. We could argue that freedom is the escape fantasy offers, but we must ask: at what cost? Are we not three quarters of the way to being dead if we’re not at home?

    It’s said that when we become aware of the breath and engage with our senses that we then come home to ourselves

    Think of the image of a daydreaming person. Their mind isn’t present. Where exactly is that person whilst their mind is lost in the past, future, or fantasy? They’re not at home are they? So when we become aware of our breath – as taught during mindfulness workshops – we return home to ourselves. We can then either enjoy that present moment or decide on what we must do to improve it.

  • What Does it Take?

    What does it take to believe that we ALL hold the key to a beautiful life right there in our hands?

    I asked myself: Why didn’t I simply believe what I was being shown twenty five years ago, instead of creating the turmoil, I’ve experienced since? And I understand why. I understand that I didn’t have the courage and strength to look deeply enough into the root of my loneliness. I didn’t want to see how truly alone I was and still am. This alone is the alone we all have. We are all alone within our own minds and much of what we are doing is an attempt to escape this.

    Through looking deeply into my loneliness I understand that I have always felt this way

    And so much of my behavior over the years has been an attempt to ease this unrecognised yearning to feel less lonely. Almost everything: Pleasing people in an attempt to keep them close. The jobs I’ve done, money I’ve earned, and drink and drugs I’ve consumed. When I did finally look at the root of my loneliness it felt like I was going insane. Such was the pain, it felt like I was breaking in two.

    And I believe now, that having come through the other side, fear is no longer the obstacle it once was. What it took, was a true acceptance that I have the solution to cleaning up my life, easily, within my grasp. It took for me to finally accept that I was in charge of all my joys and sorrows. That it was me creating my good and bad experiences: That I am what I think I am, therefore, I am my thoughts. And when we have control over our thoughts we have control over our lives. It really is this simple, and what was clouding my engagement with this, was my determination to avoid looking deeply at loneliness. I was not accepting of myself. In the process all I created was my own personal hell.

    I feel anyone who is experiencing difficulties, and seeking a way out of this, must stop avoiding the self

    Many years ago I wrote about loneliness being the result of loneliness from the self. A failure to be in touch with ones self. Even seeing this and writing it down in a book was insufficient. So great was the fear and anguish. What I needed to do, was to clearly see and feel, all the pain and anguish of the lonely little boy I remained.

    And so, if you want a fast track to a beautiful life, look at what you hold in your hands right there in front of you. Believe the solution is easily within reach and it will be. Paradoxically, looking deeply into our suffering, means we stop choosing it as a life option.

    Learn to be aware of yourself; your thoughts, and award yourself the power, to create a beautiful life.

  • Being Aware of the Deceptive Nature of Mind

    Once the mind is accustomed to certain habits and ways of thinking, it will work hard to keep them, including deception

    We can’t help wondering how it is that a virus can become so successful that it eventually kills its host. A virus can become the ultimate victim of its own success, can it not? How curious it is, and yet it can certainly seem this way. But the purpose of a virus is simply to reproduce. Its aim is to spread beyond its host so it then survives in another, and on and on, it goes. Eventually, though, once all suitable hosts have died, it will die also. A little pointless, you might think.

    Where we differ from a virus is our capacity to think

    Even so, when it comes to our ability to control our self-destructive behaviour, thinking our way out of it often seems impossible. Addictions to stimulants, be this drink, drugs, or over consumption of anything, reward us so greatly, that they often outweigh the potential damage to our wellbeing. Why is this? And indeed, how is it the mind is so adept at deceiving us into continuing with destructive behaviours?

    We can quickly come to the issue of coping mechanisms. If unresolved issues concerning conflict, guilt, emotional pain and confusion, stay locked away within the mind, we must stay busy and stimulated at all costs. Drink and drugs will of course stimulate us in ways that also distract us from the real issues at hand. As far as the mind is concerned, these methods of coping, through distraction and even oblivion, are the ideal solution. The mind, in a sense, becomes the unthinking virus that just wants to replicate its own solution to the problem. As we all too often see though, if we remain unthinking, falling for the minds many means of deception, the solution becomes the final decider. Our addictions will kill us.

    The answer, as simple as it might seem, is to become aware

    That’s right. Once we become aware of the tricks our mind plays, to remain on the easy path of the solutions it has found to survival (without suffering), there is no looking back. Becoming aware, of the tricks and deceptions played out within our own thinking, means we then have the power to choose.

    If you want change, it begins with meditation, leading to mindfulness. However, the mind, as it may well already be doing, will work hard at making sure you remain oblivious to a different, healthy solution. Remember, as far as the mind is concerned, it already has the answers to easing our pain and loneliness. Change, though, need only be one decision away.

  • stop.

    It’s only when we stop; stop consuming, thinking, planning, striving, that we realise there’s something that isn’t quite right. And this is why so many avoid stopping. Yet those who do succeed at this, and then look deeply into their feelings, become freer and happier as a result

  • House Clearance

    My partner’s father recently passed away and now there’s a large house and double garage to clear. For over fifteen years, nothing has been thrown away, everything has just been put somewhere out of sight. As they say: “Out of sight out of mind”. I wonder if that’s really true?

    I’d rather you didn’t think I was judging the old man. Many of us have houses full of stuff we no longer use or need. As far as my partner’s dad is concerned, he had health issues. His wife died in 2007 and his son also died just last year. And so things had sort of built up, I suppose. There is even a Nissan Patrol 4.2TD in the garage, that hasn’t seen active service, for many years. I got it running the weekend just gone, but can see I’ll need to replace the brake lines before we can move it anywhere. Fix the breaks, pump up the tyres, and sneak it down south for an MOT.

    It can be hard work clearing out houses. Especially ones where so much stuff has been hidden away. Old bikes in the garage roof space. Piles and piles of old books. The old man actually built the house, with the help of the rest of the family, so there’s even leftover building materials to get rid of. So much stuff to dispose of

    We have made a start. I started to feel a little depressed when spending so much time down at the recycling centre. I wondered: How much of this stuff is actually recyclable? Not a lot. Best to just chuck it. It’ll get burned or crushed and buried. Quite cathartic to be disposing of all the garbage.

    With mindful breathing we say: “Come home to your body” When you become mindful of your breathing you become aware of your only true home

    In this way we can also become aware of the clutter that’s constantly been recycled through our minds. Far best to acknowledge this ‘clutter’ than bury it where it can’t be seen. When we acknowledge it, we can deal with it. Deal with it. It seems to me, that living in a house full of unwanted and unnecessary clutter, can be very depressing. Get rid of it now, never leave it there believing . . . Out of sight out of mind. This isn’t true.

  • Mindfulness of Beliefs

    Taking mindfulness up to the next level, we can use it to improve further aspects, of our lives

    Our beliefs influence our lives in ways that it can be quite staggering to comprehend. And we can gain sufficient understanding of beliefs, and how being mindful of them can improve our lives, in a relatively short period of time. There’s little need to go into a detailed study of beliefs, all we need do, is apply some simple understandings of them – and mindfulness – in order to make some powerful changes.

    Lets’s begin with a useful example of beliefs in relationships

    Think about growing up with a parent (or parents) who believed that relationships can be open. If you’re unsure of what I mean by ‘open’ please look up the exact meaning of this type of relationship here. On a personal level, I have very firm boundaries in respect of intimate relationships, and that’s how it works for me. Some might describe my view, or beliefs, as dated or restricted in some way, however, from my understanding, open relationships tend to create far more problems than they solve. Anyway, consider how things might be to a child growing up in such a household. A specific example I can share with you is, that of a child who sensed her mothers disappointment at her fathers promiscuity. This disappointment was emotionally transferred to the child who went on to believe that relationships where ‘disappointing’.

    Now, the point to be mindful of here is, the question of how such an individual went on to create disappointing relationships, as an adult. To help with this, we can ask ourselves the question: what would need to happen for me to find relationships disappointing? And I’m not talking specifically about intimate relationships here. The deep rooted belief that relationships are disappointing will spill over into all relationships. We must remember that the mind has a tendency to generalize when it come to beliefs. The mind will group all relationships together and find ways in which they are all a disappointment in one form or another.

    When asking yourself that earlier question, I wonder what answer came back to you? Perhaps disappointment in a relationship would be something as simple as poor timekeeping. In the case of the individual who grew up in a promiscuous household, she found relationships disappointing, when she couldn’t trust people to stay true to future arrangements. The way in which she did this, was to always make some small change to plans with friends, that would involve some uninvited element that would then cause her friends to feel disappointed. This would then cause her friends to make changes that then disappointed her. The end result being the fulfillment of her belief that relationships are disappointing.

    Take some time with that last paragraph, as understanding it fully, will prove very powerful.

    Until we’re mindful of how we find fulfillment of our beliefs, and take responsibility for this, we will continue running around in circles

    It’s useful to keep in mind how it is us that creates our own difficulties. It’s far too easy to blame some sort of external element. This is of course the point. The mind would prefer to hold on to its beliefs because to do this is an efficient use of energy. So pinning the blame somewhere, other than on ourselves, saves energy. Change takes effort. Changing beliefs takes a great deal of effort, and yet through being mindful, of how our beliefs can be influencing the flow of our lives, change begins to gently happen. A gentle flow is preferable and this is helped through mindfulness of our beliefs.

  • Mindfulness of Anger: A Constructive Force for Good

    I’ve built a beautiful fortress around myself and those I love. In search of the answer to their confusion, there are unthinking people who want to penetrate my defenses

    I cannot be an android disassociated from his feelings. As much as I might feel there is an advantage to this, I understand that if I deny my discomfort, pain, or suffering, I also deny happiness and pleasure. Anger arises in me when people behave in unthinking ways. Anger arises when people behave in ways towards me – and those I love – that might hurt them or bring them down. Inconsiderate, inappropriate, and damn right abusive treatment causes such rage. It is only mindfulness of my anger that saves me.

    Mindfulness of my anger enables me to control it and use its power in a constructive fashion

    When I feel my anger rising I take a breath and notice it. I then ask myself:

    What is causing my anger?

    What is at the root of my anger?

    What is my fear?

    Abusive and inconsiderate behaviour angers me because I’m fearful. Fearful that I, or someone I love, is being taken advantage of. These attempts are disrespectful. If someone is unable to show me, and those I love respect, then I don’t want those people in my life. Simple.

    The force of anger awards me the strength to rebuild my fortress. But only when I understand through finding the answers to my questions. The key to my freedom, strength, and the beauty of my fortress starts with mindfulness.

    For you, it may not be necessary, or even attractive, to analyse the how and why of peoples behaviour. All that’s necessary is the mindfulness of anger: a force to protect us

    Living in the real world means we must be aware of the dangers. We must be streetwise. The only way to protect oneself – in the real world – is awareness of the darker side of human nature. There are people who want to take advantage of you. On the way to the top of their illusions, they will attempt to use you as a stepping stone. There are also people who are simply unaware of how damaging their behaviour can be. Mindfulness helps to raise our awareness, ask the right questions of ourselves, and set appropriate boundaries.