Practising Mindfulness

Category: mental Fitness

  • The Problem isn’t “Out There”

    Nurture the Protected Garden Within Ones Self

    The Way Out is In

    – Thich Nhat Hanh

    For a very long time I thought the issue was with the people I meet

    It sometimes seems to me that people have no consideration for my needs, and within my work, some people seem to act in a superior manner. They speak in condescending and sarcastic tones. Some of the people I meet within my work are wealthy.

    It often seems that wealthy people believe that wealth awards them the power and right to talk down to others. They do this in a supercilious way. When this happens to me personally, or I hear of it, there’s a tendency for me to ruminate and become angry. I now realise the problem has never been with other people, the problem lies within me.

    Now, don’t misunderstand me. Saying the problem lies within me doesn’t make inequality or inconsiderate behaviour right

    These things are never acceptable. However, as it stands right now, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change inequality and inconsiderate behaviour. What I can do is far more powerful. I can stop judging.

    That’s right. I must constantly remind myself that what lies within my power is how I think and react. Through making judgements – of whether the behaviour of people is right or wrong – it becomes me that’s acting superior. I’m judging that people should behave toward me in a certain manner. This is ridiculous.

    A stranger (and some might even say close friends and family) know nothing about me. They’re only ever projecting a judgment of me based on what exactly? An illusion? Something that exists within them? An assumption that people who serve are here to be abused? That I’m an easy target? It can never be personal, and we all need to remember this if we’re to remain unaffected by inconsiderate behaviour.

    Through becoming non-judgmental, we remove the target from our backs

    How people behave toward me is actually none of my business. I needn’t give a damn. And when this is the case, my equanimity remains unaffected. There is nothing for me to ruminate on after the event and, therefore, nothing for me to get angry about.

    Instantly making a judgment about someone will cause us to adjust our behaviour accordingly. If this is a negative, it may exacerbate the situation; our provocative reaction and behaviour, just making matters worse. All the time confirming our expectations

    The answer to so many of my internal struggles and resulting shift in my moods lies in my habit of being judgemental. As soon as I asked myself where I learnt such a habit, the answer came

    Once I have the answer to where I learnt the habit of judging everyone and everything, I’m able to hand it back to those individuals from the past.

    None of us are born making judgments of wrong or right. We learn this, and giving it back to those who taught us helps us come home to our original selves. Remember, the behaviour of others is none of your business.

  • Why the Concept of Non-Self or Emptiness is Useful

    Embracing our connection to the earth and each other

    One thing is pretty clear: Our identity is something that is both cherished and important. Does the importance we place on identity come at a cost?

    I believe it does come at a cost when the importance of identity results in us believing we are in some way separate from everyone else and indeed our home. A growing separateness from others, through strong identity, and the growing distance we place between ourselves and nature can only exacerbate human loneliness. I believe loneliness is becoming an increasing problem that can be addressed through the understanding of non-self and emptiness.

    We must think of ourselves as being empty of a separate self and full of everything else

    To better understand emptiness, all we need to do is consider what it has taken for us to be alive. Can we be alive without the sun? Can we have formed in our mothers womb without absorbing all the necessary elements from nature through our mothers blood? If any elements had been missing or deficient, we will have not developed properly and may not have survived. Can a tree form without water? Can a cloud form without the warmth of the sun?

    You see, the universe has provided us with all the necessary ingredients to be human. As such, it’s impossible for us to separate ourselves from the planet and the wider universe on any level. It’s where we have come from and where we will return. This is the definition of emptiness or non-self.

    From a personal standpoint, when I meditate and embrace my connectedness to my home (Earth), I feel a sense of wonder and ease

    It’s easy to understand how and why the ego strives for a separate identity. It’s important for us to feel special, and we place great value on our identity. This is fine, provided it isn’t adding to any sense of loneliness or causing us to distance ourselves from the very things we depend on for our survival.

    Underneath all of our thoughts, beliefs, and identities we form, there is only pure awareness. We all bleed red blood and cry salty tears. No matter what our outward appearance or deep-rooted beliefs are, we’re all the same underneath. Embracing this can only help us to build better connections to others and our home.

  • Quietly Observing War of the Forgetful

    It’s interesting how when I have cool-control over my mind, calmly observing the behaviour of the people around me, without judgement and emotion, I’m able to distance myself from its harm

    My mind is calm and quiet. I see the disrespectful son, insulting his father with no clear idea of how protected and shielded he is from the world through nepotism. If his father were to retire unexpectedly or become incapacitated in some way, the son would have a very rude awakening. He’s unaware of the true nature needed, and of what qualities it takes, to run a successful company.

    You see, I work for a company where the son, works for the father. A common thing and sometimes the dynamic can be difficult. If we were able to take each of them to one side it would be fairly easy to teach them how to better get along, before some calamity strikes. I feel it’s inevitable that things will reach a climax, and when they do, I’ll potentially be out of a job. At least for a while. So be it. Que sera, sera . . .

    Both father and son are players. In a way it doesn’t really matter. It’s only a small war of words and emotions. Something humans seem to thrive on, unless you’re a practitioner of meditation, and mindfulness that is. Then you thrive on something very different

    As someone engaged with the study of mind you’re able to defend yourself against any unnecessary, painful, war of words and emotions

    I’m aware of how father, son and colleagues, are attempting to play me. I often imagine myself as a spiting cobra, raised up, silently assessing the threat, ready to strike. I could, if I chose, spit the venom of well chosen words. Instead, knowing I have a dangerous bite, I silently observe the game-play and remind myself of how this war is the war of the forgetful. I choose not to engage with it, the war rages on without me. A practitioner of mindfulness has no need for such things. The practitioner of mindfulness has love on their side.

  • Know Meditation Know Mindfulness

    This week, I slipped. That’s right, I slipped into an old pattern of feeling negative, stressed, and eating junk. And the only reason for it was forgetting the importance of Meditation

    Monday and Tuesday felt like great days. I felt calm and contented. I ate exactly the amount of food that was right for my body and activity. The energy in energy out balance was in tune. I felt great. The rest of the week gradually went to shit and the reason? I forgot to Meditate on each of the subsequent mornings.

    My usual routine is to do some stretches (yes, I’ve succumbed and learnt some yoga), and then I sit for around twenty minutes to meditate and calm my mind. When I do this, the day is always improved, my mood is better, and of course, it’s conducted Mindfully.

    When my day is conducted mindfully – that is to say I’m predominantly in the present moment and aware – it always runs smoother. The quality of my work is on form, and the customers I meet feel better for the experience

    I’ve come to realise that as I reflect on the week, it was the days I didn’t meditate that were markedly different. I felt harassed by my boss and my customers’ demands. Their demands hadn’t changed it was my mood and attitude that had. In an attempt to change my mood, I craved and ate sugar. And after eating pastry and chocolate, I actually ended up feeling worse! Guilt stepped in!

    Each day, my stress and problems grew worse. It was as if my forgetfulness (opposite of Mindfulness) was some kind of sick experiment on myself to see how shit I could make my week. To make matters worse, I didn’t go for my daily walk. What the hell!?

    The positive from this is how I’m reminded of the importance of sticking to my routine. For me, routine is very important

    Every negative has its opposite. I’m now renewed in my endeavour to be an enthusiastic exponent of Meditation that leads to Improved Mindfulness. I’m reminded of how important it is to Meditate every day. If we want to strengthen our minds and improve the quality of our lives, we must practise. We must practise Mindfulness to stay on the path. It is easy to forget its power.

    Remember, the mind is predisposed to lead you along the path of least resistance. Old established patterns that conserve energy are easily fallen into.

    The mind easily falls into old patterns of thinking and behaviour. And like cart wheels that are stuck in a rut, we must, from time to time, use that little extra effort to pull the mind free.

    We have to focus and concentrate. This strengthens the mind. And just as a weightlifter might occasionally feel tired and disinclined to work out, he must persist. The results speak for themselves.

  • Mindful of Mind

    Be mindful of your mind and become aware of how you create the reality you’re living

    Your reality is determined by your thoughts and drivings. The filters to life are your beliefs. If, for example, I choose to put a backpack on and simply walk the earth, how would my life be?

    Life would initially become very frightening and insecure for me. I would experience hardship and hunger. We all have the capacity to survive extreme hardship. As such, in time, my life would open up into something extraordinary.

    No telly, no media, no influence other than the world of nature I see around me. Without the influences of society, how would things change? Without a ‘normal’ life, doing everything I believed I needed to do in order to fit in, there would be a massive shift. If I stuck with it for long enough, my fear would fade. I would be as free as a tramp.

    My beliefs, no longer fed by ‘normality’, would change. I would need to be cautious. I might be in danger; shunned and perhaps even hated by the rest of society. My freedom would terrify them.

    Most of these changes would happen as a result of the quiet

    Mindfully going about the business of walking the earth, my mind would become calm. My internal dialogue would change. The old dialogue, previously there simply as a means of confirming my old identity, would be fading. Thoughts about where my next meal was coming from and where I would sleep later in the evening would be my overriding concerns.

    My mind would certainly not be filled with opinions and judgements about the activities of other people. I would need to draw no comparisons. My thinking would change.

    Being aware of my thoughts would help me ‘catch’ the old habit of comparing myself to others. I might walk past a large beautiful house, and momentarily, I might start making a comparison. They have everything, and I have nothing. This comparison is easily quashed when I become aware: It is me that has freed myself. The house, the status; all there as a prize for the owners success in life. What success? Is success the ‘trappings’ of life? Or is success the discovery of ones self? Ones mind?

    Is success measured by our ability to conform to the ‘norms’ set out by society. It certainly seems this way. What happens when we measure success as non-success? As non-attainment? What happens when we see how success is something built on our need for power over others?

    I can finally see the power in humility. It is, in fact, the humble who has true power. The humble-aware are allowing the rest of us to continue making fools of ourselves in our pursuit of power.

    For a time, we may lose our minds in our need for the illusion of power. We find our true power when we find our self

    Returning home to ones self is achieved through becoming aware. Our true power is realised when we have awareness. Awareness of the consequences of our thoughts. Awareness of cause and effect. Control over the nature of our thoughts. The strength of mind to bring ourselves home.

  • The Power to Choose over the Pervasive Influence of Anxiety

    We can of course get drugs to fix most things (or so we’re led to believe) and are the drugs a long term healthy fix? We may also be led to believe we’re powerless to make the changes we need. We may believe we’re unable to take control

    Intentional or not it is in the drug industries interest that we continue to believe we need their assistance. There is no doubt modern medicines have their place and value. It would certainly never be for me to advise anyone about medication prescribed by professionals. We must remember that those professionals are as reliant on drugs as those they prescribe them to. So rather than this reliance, we can seek to find the answers from within ourselves, and if those answers are beyond any recourses we hold, we must educate ourselves into changing our thinking. How does that sound? Challenging? To love a challenge we must firstly keep an eye on the prize.

    Some, after many years of searching, finally see the true reasons for their difficulties. Those that find the answers can then help us take a shortcut; a rabbit run to our prize. To take advantage of this we must listen and pay attention. We must be mindful

    Always stop and take a moment to consider the root causes. What are our responses to anxiety and fear? So many children are pacified with sweets and food. Children struggle to deal with strong emotions. Parents often struggle to deal with their children’s emotions. Instead of remaining calm and reasoned a parent may instantly seek to ease their child’s unease with sweets and food. In whatever way we seek to ease our children’s upset, we can trace our own experiences back, and see how similar solutions were offered to us. These solutions have grown and mutated over time. We may be copying the behaviour we witnessed as a child. Sometimes we’re not even consciously aware of how we reach for the distraction before experiencing the emotion.

    Instead, we must make offerings of love, and comfort. We then wait for the mind to gain control in its own time. The avoidance of feelings, through the usual unhealthy distractions, only delays the inevitable. They will always surface in some form. If we continue to eat, instead of feeling and working through anxiety, we end up with all the associated diseases that come with obesity

    The root of our anxiety can be simple. A lonely child is standing in the que at the tuck shop because he is afraid. The sweets will act as a distraction and the sugar itself will lift his mood. When we spend time with the child within ourselves, this simple act, can ease our loneliness. As adults when we’re mindful of our habits – through seeing their root – they become less like habits. When we’re aware of the distraction the feelings will surface. We must feel them to be free of them. Will drugs help us with this? Or will our awareness?

  • A Single-Pointed Answer

    The Empty Bowl

    I’ve heard it said that mindfulness is about developing an empty mind. In a way this is correct

    Even though I was a little taken aback by this, I feel it’s far easier and more constructive to not disagree, but to develop the idea. It is in fact impossible for the vast majority of us to empty our minds completely. Practice meditation for sixty years though, and there’s a good chance, you’ll be getting somewhere.

    It’s going to be far more constructive to explain very clearly what in fact we’re looking to achieve through mindfulness. What we’re seeking is a single-pointed awareness of what we’re doing from moment to moment. Be this washing up, mowing the lawn, or walking the dog. During any one of these activities there can be happiness. And this happiness is brought about in the moments when the mind is empty of everything except what we’re doing. When the mind is empty of distracting thought.

    What we must have, in order to consider ourselves mindful (better still, Mindfulness Practitioners), is a single-pointed awareness of the activity we’re currently engaging in. No outside thoughts, feelings or distractions whatsoever. When we have this we will have discovered the secret to happiness.

    That’s right! Happiness is to be aware of the present moment. It’s when our mind is taken from what we’re doing right now that our happiness is destroyed. When our thoughts stray

    These thoughts might be comparisons (if only I had this that or the other) or they might be worries concerning the future. Perhaps your thoughts are persistent or lingering – I would be happy if I did this or achieved that. Whatever the distraction, the answer is not an empty mind, but a mind that is empty of everything except what is happening right now. The answer is an awareness of the nature of your thoughts. The answer is to be mindful (aware) of your mind. To think about your thinking.

    The only way to strengthen the mind, so that a single-pointed awareness is achievable, is through Meditation

    During meditation we study our consciousness. We become aware of our thoughts and feelings and practise putting these things to one side. To do this we must constantly bring the mind back to our point of focus.

    This need only be an awareness of the breath. Awareness of the difference in temperature between the in breath and the out breath is a great way to start. Just twenty minutes per day, at least three times a week, is sufficient. And the better we get, at bringing the mind back to our point of focus, the stronger our mind is becoming.

    So much of poor mental health is down to fractured thinking. Good mental health relates to the strength of our mind. Thinking of the mind as a muscle helps. If we want stronger arms, legs or heart, we must engage in physical activity. Developing single-pointed awareness is the answer to strengthening our minds. Developing better focus, on one activity, to the exclusion of everything else, will lead to improved mental health and ultimately happiness

    Learn to meditate. Seek it out. Stick with it.

  • Opinions Thoughts & Beliefs – The Crux of the Matter

    When we get right down to the heart of the matter it’s possible to remove so much of the wheat from the chaff

    Starting with opinions. Ask: What is my opinion based on? Naturally the answer is knowledge. Your understandings of the world and most importantly your beliefs.

    And so opinions are based on beliefs. What about thought? What is thought based on? A though might start with a feeling. You see in the news that an aeroplane has crashed and you feel upset. Fear is there. Anger is there. Wonder is there (someone survived). And then you form opinions based on your thoughts. What are your beliefs about the safety of aeroplanes? Do you believe they are intrinsically unsafe? If so, even though it’s a very rare event, your opinion might be; Oh my God, another one! Your beliefs will filter your opinions and, subsequently, your reactions. It might even affect you to the point of avoiding flying from this point on. At the extreme, you might become fearful of travel in general.

    How would it be if you simply learned of the accident and managed to stop yourself from thinking and forming an opinion? How would it be if you understood the suffering of others through ambivalence (neutrality)?

    Other peoples suffering is something we must be aware of. We decide how their suffering affects us. If we allow ourselves to become overly involved in the suffering of others we can also become lost. Far better to be one step removed (emotionally) and then seek to understand how suffering is generated and exacerbated. We can then offer this understanding to others.

    There is a need to being removed from our opinions and emotions

    Especially if you have no direct involvement. Ambivalence to the seeming chaos in the world is necessary for our own well-being. We find the ability to remain neutral and unaffected by tragic events through mental strength. Our mental strength will determine control over thoughts and opinions based on beliefs. The most effective method of improving how much control we have over our minds is meditation.

    Meditation leads to improved mindfulness. Mindfulness is the awareness of our emotions and thoughts. Meditation is the study of our consciousness. Through becoming aware, we can control our thoughts and opinions, directly influencing our overall well-being. Well reasoned and measured reactions to events are a sign of our maturity and mental fitness.

    Learn to meditate . . .

  • My Front Door

    What does your front door look like? Is it strong and sturdy? Or does it look like it could easily be broken down?

    Where I work the door is mainly made of glass. It has an open sign in the window when I’m there. Very recently a lady called Mrs Hackaday called in to complain that we hadn’t been able to help her. To me she seems to have become a little fixated. She tells me she has recently lost her husband. Goodness knows where. And she tells me she used to be a psychologist. I mentioned I used to be a Hypnoanalyst. She didn’t stay long after that. Better results you see.

    I feel it’s okay to have a glass fronted door where I work but wouldn’t want this kind of door where I live. I remember the door of my childhood home was at least 50% glass

    Think of this: The greater my awareness the stronger my front door. It’s not as if I’m always hiding behind one of those little spy holes. Not at all. In fact, if I decide to open the door, I see the whole person standing in front of me. Disability and all. The question is whether or not I decide to open the door in the first place. The spy hole helps. My awareness helps me to make this decision. I ask If opening myself up to this person is of any benefit to me, or am I likely to be angered by their forgetfulness (lack of awareness).

    I think of mindfulness as my beautiful front door. My mind safely protected behind

    Yes. Protected. Because so many people are forgetful of their manners and seem intent on knocking very loudly. Even attempting to break down the door with a battering ram. But now? Not a chance. My awareness is my beautiful, sturdy, front door.

  • Responding to Aggression with Love and Humility

    Some will always fight fire with fire. The healthy response for mind and body is to extinguish aggression with the cool, quenching powers, of love and humility

    When the bully told the boy: “get down on your knees and kiss my feet” how powerful would it have been if the victim had said: “certainly sir and would you like me to polish your shoes whilst I’m down there?”

    Firstly, we can look at the need of the bully to dominate. There is a likelihood that the bully had experienced a high degree of humiliation from a parent or other adult and needed to inflict this pain on others. This of course doesn’t make it right and yet it helps us understand the child’s pain.

    Secondly, we must look at the strength and courage it would have taken for the victim to respond to the bully with love, humour, and humility. The child victim of the bully would have needed an informed and developed consciousness. He would have needed to be aware, present, and mindful of his words and actions. He would have needed the ability to consider cause and effect. He would have needed to be considered.

    Developing and informing our children is were the answers lie

    The consequences of the majority of us responding to aggression with love and humility are not difficult to see. We would certainly live in a quieter, more peaceful, world. And it is the case, that compared to the past, we already live in a better world. For us to grow and build on this success, we must keep a keen eye on how our children choose to respond to aggression. They can easily be taught the peaceful path when offered love and humility from us adults.