What is it that causes anxiety? What is it that causes fear? How is it I fret and worry?
It is my mind. It is my thoughts. For when my mind is still, there is no fear. There is no anger, worry, or anxiety. What remains is a beautiful feeling of serenity. Heaven on earth. A place I’ve found from within.
It may take some time to reach this place, and when you do, you may wonder why it has taken so long to find such a simple solution. Stop questioning even this. Dismiss it as unimportant. What matters is that you are finally here.
It is possible to catch our destructive thoughts before they become actions. To achieve this, we must practise. We must learn to Meditate, and we must then turn our improved mental strength into everyday Mindfulness. We must be dogged and determined if we are to improve our mental health and quality of life
It may seem like an oversimplification to say the cause of our troubles, lies within our thinking, and yet this is an inescapable truth. The tendency with sitting Meditation is for us to not practise. We must. And we must practise every day if we are to gain the life changing ability of catching our thoughts.
I recently heard that there’s something like sixty five conflicts (impossible to confirm, could be more could be less, but you get the point) currently ongoing in the world. That’s right, sixty five! We can easily be indifferent to this through saying: “oh well, that’s just human nature and there’s sod all I can do about it.” And to a degree I would advise doing just that . . . be indifference toward things you can’t possibly have any influence over. However, there is something we can learn for ourselves, through simply being aware of the conflicted nature of our fellow man.
When we have unrecognized conflict within ourselves this will always need to be expressed in some way. We humans often enjoy witnessing conflict. Be this in wars, soap operas, and politics.
On a personal level, I remember my mother saying, on several occasions, how arguments “cleared the air.” My mother was a very conflicted person who seemed generally unhappy with the cards she’d been dealt. I feel she often needed an outlet for her frustrations. I wonder now if she imagined herself with a different life to the one she had created? Was this her conflict? It’s certain that constant arguments, with whoever was at hand, had the effect of temporarily easing the anger she felt as a consequence of her conflicted mind.
Perhaps what she lacked was control over her situation. It is important to bear in mind, we can only effect positive influence over our external environment, once we have full control over the self. Mindful awareness is key.
The antidote, to easing our troubled minds, is awareness. The need to experience the friction of conflict externally is there because we lack awareness. Acknowledge this.
When we ask: What do I want? and find the answer to this question to be in opposition to what we’re actually getting, there is obviously discord. We must then find a way to become accepting of our current situation and then plan a peaceful means (draw up a peaceful plan) of getting what we want. It may take time for our plan to come to fruition and acknowledging that time is all we have helps us to become patient. After all it is not the destination that counts.
Intention, that creates the energy needed for change to happen, is very different to the negative forces created by conflict.
When we fail to see how conflicted we are, all we’re left with, is a sense of powerlessness. Expressing this through external means (war, arguments, soap operas, politics etc) creates the illusion of power and ultimately keeps us stuck. What’s needed is power over the self and this is gained through awareness. The awareness of our internal conflict. Do those who wage war have power over the self? Are they aware of their internal disputes? They are not.
There is no conflict, only a short distance between where we are now, and where we want to be in the future.
In an interesting experiment I found that I got exactly what I didn’t and did want
If ever you’ve looked to sell something, you’ll know, that the best way to achieve this (and remain calm) is, to accept that human beings are very curious creatures indeed. There are people who want the item you’re selling but can’t afford it. So these dreamers, in an attempt to feel closer to their dreams, will seek to waste your time in all manner of ways. There are serious buyers who simply refuse to pay what the item is worth (to you) so will also waste your time. And there are those who see an item, decide it’s worth, believe it’s genuine, make a decision, and then buy. I love these individuals. There are of course further examples of the type of people you’re likely to encounter but the three above are the main ones.
When advertising your item, keep it simple and, in order to remain calm, remember the code of accepting you’ll get all manner of odd replies. If you don’t have the time or inclination don’t reply
Something I’m currently advertising for sale is a motorcycle. Love them or loath them it seems to be a thriving market at the moment, and with the new season just around the corner, now is a good time to be selling. At the bottom of my ad I wrote: Serious contenders only, no silly questions please, I don’t have the time. Now this morning I had a lot of silly questions from an individual whose email address was sackmycook@ . . . I did indulge this guy and later laughed, a lot. Thankfully on this occasion I found it funny and interesting. I’ll call it an experiment and keep the wording as it is. As long as I remain mindful of keeping a sense of humour, and aware of how much time we all seem to have at playing each other, all will be well. It’s also worth remembering how our unconscious might be finding fulfillment of our expectations.
As a result of learning and practicing meditation, we’re able to cease the constant movement of the mind into the past, future, or fantasy.
In time, we can take control of unnecessary, fretful thoughts that only add to our fears. If we become anxious and fearful over the things that, ultimately, we have no control over, we damage the quality of our lives. Improved mental fitness enables us to gain proportion and understanding that the only things necessary to gain control of are ourselves and our thinking.
Only recently I began to worry about the way in which certain people were behaving. Then, I reminded myself that it’s not my responsibility to fight other peoples battles. I do feel a sense of responsibility in sharing information that may assist someone, and that is where it must end. We never actually empower an adult through taking over their battles, we may need to do this for a child, or for someone who is severely disabled, and empowerment is when we help individuals through providing tools and information.
When it comes to mental fitness, we must be prepared to work the muscle that is our brain
If all the lifting and carrying is done by someone else, we’ll never find the strength for ourselves. Strength comes when we practice. For example, when I find myself pulled into the abuse others experience, I bring my mind back into the present through using the words: ‘Aware Now.’ I’ve anchored the present-moment-feeling, I experience during meditation, to these words. An exercise conducted during Mindfulness Training
The search for fulfillment of our beliefs is a constant process. If you believe you are guilty, for example, during meditation, your mind will seek to find examples of this belief. During therapy this would be encouraged, during meditation, we must recognise the searching nature of mind, and give ourselves clear, exact instructions. We say: ‘Search for an awareness of my breathing’
Whatever it is you want, regardless of knock-backs, difficulties, or circumstances, perseverance is the quality always required in order to succeed
We might ask the deeper question: What is required for us to have perseverance? Is this a quality some just naturally have, or is it something acquired? I feel there is a certain recipe that will help us here.
Firstly, we must have passion. We must want the desired outcome passionately. Secondly, we must be able to keep the mind present and focused on the desired outcome. Dwelling on past failures is the fire, which turns perseverance to ashes.
It really is a matter of ensuring our improvement isn’t hampered with thoughts of past performance. Be it a frame of snooker, a game of tennis, or gaining a qualification, dwelling on the last frame, game, or test will distract from the mater in hand: Winning.
We humans love to win. We know that in order to win, we must be better than all the rest. Yes, we need natural talent. Nevertheless, no matter how much natural talent we possess, believing we can simply win without perseverance and practice leads to disappointment.
We have to continually put the past where it belongs and keep going, on and on, regardless of how we might feel or whatever circumstances we might be facing. This is perseverance.
Unless dealt with, limiting aspects of the past can be an echo that never fades
Recognizing how the past can unconsciously influence the present is most certainly a skill we can learn. Briefly examining limiting behaviour is key. We must ask: How do I continue to replicate mistakes of the past?
As odd as it might sound, understanding how we failed at our goals in the past can help us to eliminate unconscious limitations in the now.
The unconscious mind will persevere in whatever direction it is focused. We must ensure it is correctly focused. Our beliefs come into play here, and perseverance is required if we’re to question and change them. Once the past is dealt with, limiting beliefs removed and unfinished business concluded, we’re better able to direct the energy of our perseverance with the correct focus: Upward and onward.
The need for stimulation is fine and creating the need for it’s opposite is also fine
Think of a child constantly seeking stimulation. When a child is stimulated, it’s often because a parent, carer, or teacher is attentive to them. They’re being entertained, educated, and played with.
When the child is stimulated in this way, the result is happiness, excitement, and growth. Ultimately, and for obvious reasons, we can become totally addicted to this.
On a personal level, the later part of my childhood was filled with the kind of stimulation fear brings: chaos
Interestingly enough, I feel that as a result of this chaos, my mind often craved calm. The only problem with calm is its seeming lack of stimulus.
Children who’re unfamiliar with calm, only knowing chaos, become very accustomed to the need for stimulation. We can end up conflicted, wondering about the exhaustion we often feel and why we can’t seem to turn off our need for constant stimulus.
Wanting is driven by our addiction and craving for stimulation
It harks back to childhood and the way in which we were stimulated then. The positive of this was experienced by lucky children who were encouraged to find stimulation through creativeness. We can easily recognise those individuals, especially those who continue to be creative all their lives.
Caution is advised, though, because craving the kind of stimulation creativeness brings does engender a degree of danger. However, the survivors of this danger are those who’re able to find balance and a calmness of mind in between their creativeness. Sting would be a fine example.
And so we can experience happiness, growth, and contentment if we have a healthy balance between our need for stimulation and our need for calm.
Learning to meditate, in order to find improved mindfulness, is the easiest way to begin finding this kind of balance. The alternative could well be a lifetime seeking to understand the conflict caused by our addiction.
There are those who, on the first signs of trouble, take to their beds, and disappear down into a depressive funk. And their are those who would thrive on this same trouble. What is it that makes the difference?
The easy answer lies in how well we’ve been equipped for life during our developmental years. If wrapped in cotton wool, cosseted, and pampered during childhood, we might grow to be fragile and overly sensitive to stress and worry.
Compared to someone who has grown up knowing little other than drama, stress and violence (physical and/or emotional) it’s certainly likely – the cosseted – will be less well equipped to deal with this side of life.
As strange as it may seem, a difficult childhood can leave us better equipped to deal with the inevitable stresses of life. With this in mind, it’s true that children must be protected with appropriate boundaries and sensitive parenting. However, at the same time, we mustn’t overprotect them. We must find ways to equip them for the ups and downs of life in the best ways possible.
There are always alternative consequences to consider.
If we find ourself scarred, as a result of being inappropriately exposed to the violence of adult problems during childhood, rather than equipping us, we can develop conflicts that cause us to shift uncontrollably between emotional states. Sometimes, we’re strong and on top of the world, and yet at other times, fearful and incapacitated.
So a childhood that can equip, can just as easily disable. It’s a little like the child who sees a negative comment from a teacher, for example, as confirmation of their poor self-belief, or uses it as a means to strengthen them. It can go one way or the other. Or is there an alternative to this black and white viewpoint?
Perhaps the ideal is the child who has the ability to remain indifferent to those who don’t actually understand how to love them. Consider the words: “You’ll never amount to much.” Are they based on fear or love? I feel the words: “Once you’re grown, you’ll be free to choose,” sound far more loving and empowering.
Coming back to the individual who’s likely to take to their bed at the first sign of trouble, we must understand that this kind of behaviour is rooted in the past. It got them something then, and the belief is it’ll get them something now. We could also call this a scar that has resulted in childish behaviour being echoed in adulthood. Conversely, if stress is seen simply as being part of life, then surly we’re able to simply brush troubles away, that would debilitate the adult-child.
Solving depression and developing a worry-free mind can seem complicated. The conditions and symptoms of depression or anxiety are simple to spot. It is unravelling the root causes that are a little more complex. One thing is for sure, once we see how the present often echoes the past, we’re able to break away from behaviour that belongs there. Put your feet on the floor, put your clothes on, and walk away from the past.
Practising Mindfulness 