Practising Mindfulness

Category: Mental health

  • The Problem isn’t “Out There”

    Nurture the Protected Garden Within Ones Self

    The Way Out is In

    – Thich Nhat Hanh

    For a very long time I thought the issue was with the people I meet

    It sometimes seems to me that people have no consideration for my needs, and within my work, some people seem to act in a superior manner. They speak in condescending and sarcastic tones. Some of the people I meet within my work are wealthy.

    It often seems that wealthy people believe that wealth awards them the power and right to talk down to others. They do this in a supercilious way. When this happens to me personally, or I hear of it, there’s a tendency for me to ruminate and become angry. I now realise the problem has never been with other people, the problem lies within me.

    Now, don’t misunderstand me. Saying the problem lies within me doesn’t make inequality or inconsiderate behaviour right

    These things are never acceptable. However, as it stands right now, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change inequality and inconsiderate behaviour. What I can do is far more powerful. I can stop judging.

    That’s right. I must constantly remind myself that what lies within my power is how I think and react. Through making judgements – of whether the behaviour of people is right or wrong – it becomes me that’s acting superior. I’m judging that people should behave toward me in a certain manner. This is ridiculous.

    A stranger (and some might even say close friends and family) know nothing about me. They’re only ever projecting a judgment of me based on what exactly? An illusion? Something that exists within them? An assumption that people who serve are here to be abused? That I’m an easy target? It can never be personal, and we all need to remember this if we’re to remain unaffected by inconsiderate behaviour.

    Through becoming non-judgmental, we remove the target from our backs

    How people behave toward me is actually none of my business. I needn’t give a damn. And when this is the case, my equanimity remains unaffected. There is nothing for me to ruminate on after the event and, therefore, nothing for me to get angry about.

    Instantly making a judgment about someone will cause us to adjust our behaviour accordingly. If this is a negative, it may exacerbate the situation; our provocative reaction and behaviour, just making matters worse. All the time confirming our expectations

    The answer to so many of my internal struggles and resulting shift in my moods lies in my habit of being judgemental. As soon as I asked myself where I learnt such a habit, the answer came

    Once I have the answer to where I learnt the habit of judging everyone and everything, I’m able to hand it back to those individuals from the past.

    None of us are born making judgments of wrong or right. We learn this, and giving it back to those who taught us helps us come home to our original selves. Remember, the behaviour of others is none of your business.

  • Equanimity and Serenity

    Image by Jason from Pixabay

    Looking closer at equanimity we can see how this state brings the power of serenity into our lives

    There is much more to this than simple semantics. On the surface, we might think both words mean the same thing. They connect. However, they do mean slightly different things. Using words in the way I’m about to help us to pin things down to specifics. Being specific about what we’re actually seeking and the order we must follow is important. With this in mind, I feel we must have achieved equanimity before we find serenity.

    Equanimity is achieved through searching and resolving that witch unsettles us

    For many years, I’ve struggled to find what was causing my mind to change so drastically. Although never diagnosed as such, I feel there has been a tendency toward ADHD and manic depressive behaviour.

    Those of us who have experienced a troubled childhood can find it challenging to control emotions. From a personal point of view, I feel a lack of self-awareness has been a deciding factor.

    Becoming more self-conscious (in the positive sense) through mindfulness has been the tipping point for me. And so my equanimity is achieved through the constant monitoring of my internal state through the practise of contemplative meditation and mindfulness.

    Mindfulness awards me greater control over my thoughts and reactions to the outside world, people, and circumstances. Also, I have greater control over cravings and habits. In fact, cravings and habits are becoming a non-issue as a result of my meditation, mindfulness, and equanimity.

    Serenity is the consequence of equanimity

    Often, the constant stimulation we seek has developed as a coping mechanism. So many of us simply detest having nothing to do. We might feel like we’re going out of our minds when we have nothing to stimulate us.

    Meditation might be extremely challenging. Quieting the mind seemingly impossible. I think in this instance, it would be beneficial to seek assistance and work through what the mind is avoiding. Certainly advisable before or after attendance on a Meditation to Mindfulness Training Workshop.

    Once the unconscious drivings behind our disquiet are revealed, our meditation practice will begin to bear fruit. Serenity is a consequence of a mind in equanimity, no longer restlessly avoiding the self. A mind that has come home.

  • Power Over The Self (knowing when you have it)

    Image by Thị Hồng Phương Phan from Pixabay

    There is a moment of recognition. A feeling of certainty. So strong is the certainty that once you experience it, you will know you have finally gained control over the self

    I am now in my 61st year. Today, I feel the certainty that I have control. Yesterday, I was exposed to the anger and frustration of people I sensed have little control over themselves. These people are still attempting to control circumstances outside of themselves. Something we have no control over. The result is fear, anger, and frustration. We have no control over what happens to us. What we can control is how we react.

    Progress for me came in the form of recognising how important it is to stop reacting to the crisis of others and seek to protect myself from this. There is no gain for me to become involved with the drama others are constantly experiencing

    So many of the people I’m currently exposed to seem to be living in a drama. It seems to me that the universe (useful belief) is exposing me to these people in order for me to learn how to better deal with it.

    I need and enjoy a feeling of equanimity. These days, it’s a feeling I’ve fallen in love with. I adore equanimity. I love feeling calm, balanced, and at ease within myself. I love feeling in control of my mind. It’s beautiful. Equanimity is a thing of beauty.

    I can name the year I found myself on the path toward equanimity: 1998. Will it take 27 years for others to find the things I have? Probably longer. It’s of no concern to me.

    And because I deeply understand this now and feel okay, there’s a better chance others might want to follow my example

    Others sense neediness, fear, and loneliness. Would any sensible person choose to follow the examples set by fearful, lonely people? No. And it’s an awareness of these things that we must have if we’re to set useful and powerful examples to others.

  • Skimming Stones

    In an attempt to skim a stone the young child threw it into the air only for it to splash into the water and immediately sink

    The adult teaching the child managed to successfully skim the stone across the surface of the water.

    Later I began to think of how the stone represents information. How this information skims across the mind of an adult yet is easily absorbed by the child.

    It’s my experience that the older we get the less inclined we are to digesting new information. Especially when this information questions established models and belief systems

    To continue with the metaphor. To skim a stone we need to put in a great deal of effort. Getting it to skim across the surface tension of the water takes effort. Without realising the effort and technique required the child just threw the stone into the air. Moving slowly and directly downward the stone easily broke through the surface of the water.

    I recently read about a madman who had thousands of books he never read. He never read them because he was so certain in his already established beliefs. As a result, millions of people died. You might guess who I’m talking about.

    When we yield and finally decide to stop working so hard to remain fixed in our ideas and beliefs (that may have stopped working years ago) change can happen

    It takes more effort to remain stuck and unhappy than we realise. When new information isn’t properly, mindfully considered, it’s like the stone travelling quickly over the surface of the water. It skims across the surface of the mind as if it were never there. We remain unchanged and unhappy.

    Although new information can initially feel like someone’s throwing small stones at us that sting, once absorbed, we will eventually gain a different way of seeing things. Learning to meditate can help with this process.

  • Why the Concept of Non-Self or Emptiness is Useful

    Embracing our connection to the earth and each other

    One thing is pretty clear: Our identity is something that is both cherished and important. Does the importance we place on identity come at a cost?

    I believe it does come at a cost when the importance of identity results in us believing we are in some way separate from everyone else and indeed our home. A growing separateness from others, through strong identity, and the growing distance we place between ourselves and nature can only exacerbate human loneliness. I believe loneliness is becoming an increasing problem that can be addressed through the understanding of non-self and emptiness.

    We must think of ourselves as being empty of a separate self and full of everything else

    To better understand emptiness, all we need to do is consider what it has taken for us to be alive. Can we be alive without the sun? Can we have formed in our mothers womb without absorbing all the necessary elements from nature through our mothers blood? If any elements had been missing or deficient, we will have not developed properly and may not have survived. Can a tree form without water? Can a cloud form without the warmth of the sun?

    You see, the universe has provided us with all the necessary ingredients to be human. As such, it’s impossible for us to separate ourselves from the planet and the wider universe on any level. It’s where we have come from and where we will return. This is the definition of emptiness or non-self.

    From a personal standpoint, when I meditate and embrace my connectedness to my home (Earth), I feel a sense of wonder and ease

    It’s easy to understand how and why the ego strives for a separate identity. It’s important for us to feel special, and we place great value on our identity. This is fine, provided it isn’t adding to any sense of loneliness or causing us to distance ourselves from the very things we depend on for our survival.

    Underneath all of our thoughts, beliefs, and identities we form, there is only pure awareness. We all bleed red blood and cry salty tears. No matter what our outward appearance or deep-rooted beliefs are, we’re all the same underneath. Embracing this can only help us to build better connections to others and our home.

  • Creating the Space for Reality

    Through stopping we create space and allow a different reality in

    Caution is advised.

    To stop the constant stimulation; the constant need to have some form of distraction, is to open up the space in our awareness, to see a different reality.

    There are times when the reality created for us, by certain aspects of the media and majority-thinking, can overwhelm. And we begin to think in ways that are filtered through victim-mentality and negativity in general.

    The human mind is at its best when being creative. Innovative ideas that help humanity become the masters of their environment only come about as the result of a certain type of thinking

    Creative thinking is one thing. Filling the mind with the distraction of television, books, games, films, or whatever, is an entirely different thing. It’s a form of stimulation that takes us away from our self; our own minds. We’re taken away from our conscious critical thinking.

    For example, the dormant, unconscious seeds of anger, and aggressive responses can be roused through watching violent films

    We might believe that we need this. There is nothing wrong with entertaining the mind in this way. However, if we never stop to give the mind space, we continue to delude ourselves. We continue to delude ourselves into believing the reality created for us is real.

    Through losing the need for constant stimulation and developing mindfulness, we create space. This space enables us to create our own reality, not the reality designed by others

    At first, when we stop and contemplate life, it can be a shock to the system. Realise that the distractions of the media, or that of films, books, socializing, games, etc., are the distractions of illusions.

    Our perceptions are clouded through what we distract ourselves with. Our interactions with others are filtered in a way that is biased to how the majority are being taught to perceive life.

    We might filter things in such a way that we become victims. We can fail to see how we may have created an aggressive or negative response from others

    As the saying goes: ‘there are always two sides to a coin.’ Through mindfulness, we’re better able to start seeing things through the eyes of others. We can build our compassion and empathy toward others. In this way, we help ourselves to see; it is our perception that is at fault. We begin to take responsibility.

    With constant stimulation and failure to make time to stop, we will never see the reality. The reality is that we are not victims but the perpetrators of our own suffering. With mindfulness, you can begin to create a balanced and more meaningful existence. Something created by you.

  • Quietly Observing War of the Forgetful

    It’s interesting how when I have cool-control over my mind, calmly observing the behaviour of the people around me, without judgement and emotion, I’m able to distance myself from its harm

    My mind is calm and quiet. I see the disrespectful son, insulting his father with no clear idea of how protected and shielded he is from the world through nepotism. If his father were to retire unexpectedly or become incapacitated in some way, the son would have a very rude awakening. He’s unaware of the true nature needed, and of what qualities it takes, to run a successful company.

    You see, I work for a company where the son, works for the father. A common thing and sometimes the dynamic can be difficult. If we were able to take each of them to one side it would be fairly easy to teach them how to better get along, before some calamity strikes. I feel it’s inevitable that things will reach a climax, and when they do, I’ll potentially be out of a job. At least for a while. So be it. Que sera, sera . . .

    Both father and son are players. In a way it doesn’t really matter. It’s only a small war of words and emotions. Something humans seem to thrive on, unless you’re a practitioner of meditation, and mindfulness that is. Then you thrive on something very different

    As someone engaged with the study of mind you’re able to defend yourself against any unnecessary, painful, war of words and emotions

    I’m aware of how father, son and colleagues, are attempting to play me. I often imagine myself as a spiting cobra, raised up, silently assessing the threat, ready to strike. I could, if I chose, spit the venom of well chosen words. Instead, knowing I have a dangerous bite, I silently observe the game-play and remind myself of how this war is the war of the forgetful. I choose not to engage with it, the war rages on without me. A practitioner of mindfulness has no need for such things. The practitioner of mindfulness has love on their side.

  • Know Meditation Know Mindfulness

    This week, I slipped. That’s right, I slipped into an old pattern of feeling negative, stressed, and eating junk. And the only reason for it was forgetting the importance of Meditation

    Monday and Tuesday felt like great days. I felt calm and contented. I ate exactly the amount of food that was right for my body and activity. The energy in energy out balance was in tune. I felt great. The rest of the week gradually went to shit and the reason? I forgot to Meditate on each of the subsequent mornings.

    My usual routine is to do some stretches (yes, I’ve succumbed and learnt some yoga), and then I sit for around twenty minutes to meditate and calm my mind. When I do this, the day is always improved, my mood is better, and of course, it’s conducted Mindfully.

    When my day is conducted mindfully – that is to say I’m predominantly in the present moment and aware – it always runs smoother. The quality of my work is on form, and the customers I meet feel better for the experience

    I’ve come to realise that as I reflect on the week, it was the days I didn’t meditate that were markedly different. I felt harassed by my boss and my customers’ demands. Their demands hadn’t changed it was my mood and attitude that had. In an attempt to change my mood, I craved and ate sugar. And after eating pastry and chocolate, I actually ended up feeling worse! Guilt stepped in!

    Each day, my stress and problems grew worse. It was as if my forgetfulness (opposite of Mindfulness) was some kind of sick experiment on myself to see how shit I could make my week. To make matters worse, I didn’t go for my daily walk. What the hell!?

    The positive from this is how I’m reminded of the importance of sticking to my routine. For me, routine is very important

    Every negative has its opposite. I’m now renewed in my endeavour to be an enthusiastic exponent of Meditation that leads to Improved Mindfulness. I’m reminded of how important it is to Meditate every day. If we want to strengthen our minds and improve the quality of our lives, we must practise. We must practise Mindfulness to stay on the path. It is easy to forget its power.

    Remember, the mind is predisposed to lead you along the path of least resistance. Old established patterns that conserve energy are easily fallen into.

    The mind easily falls into old patterns of thinking and behaviour. And like cart wheels that are stuck in a rut, we must, from time to time, use that little extra effort to pull the mind free.

    We have to focus and concentrate. This strengthens the mind. And just as a weightlifter might occasionally feel tired and disinclined to work out, he must persist. The results speak for themselves.

  • Mindful of Mind

    Be mindful of your mind and become aware of how you create the reality you’re living

    Your reality is determined by your thoughts and drivings. The filters to life are your beliefs. If, for example, I choose to put a backpack on and simply walk the earth, how would my life be? Life would initially become very frightening and insecure for me. I would experience hardship and hunger. We all have the capacity to survive extreme hardship. As such, in time, my life would open up into something extraordinary.

    No telly, no media, no influence other than the world of nature I see around me. Without the influences of society how would things change? Without a ‘normal’ life, doing everything I believed I needed to do in order to fit in, there would be a massive shift. If I stuck with it for long enough my fear would fade. I would be as free as a tramp. My beliefs, no longer fed by ‘normality’, would change. I would need to be cautious. I might be in danger; shunned and perhaps even hated by the rest of society. My freedom would terrify them.

    Most of these changes would happen as a result of the quiet

    Mindfully going about the business of walking the earth my mind would become calm. My internal dialog would change. The old dialog, previously there simply as a means of confirming my old identity, would be fading. Thoughts about where my next meal was coming from and where I would sleep later in the evening would be my overriding concerns. My mind would certainly not be filled with opinions and judgements about the activities of other people. I would need to draw no comparisons. My thinking would change.

    Being aware of my thoughts would help me ‘catch’ the old habit of comparing myself to others. I might walk past a large beautiful house and momentarily I might start making a comparison. They have everything and I have nothing. This comparison is easily quashed when I become aware: It is me that has freed myself. The house, the status; all there as a prize for the owners success in life. What success? Is success the ‘trappings’ of life? Or is success the discovery of ones self? Ones mind?

    Is success measured by our ability to conform to the ‘norms’ set out by society. It certainly seems this way. What happens when we measure success as non-success? As non-attainment? What happens when we see how success is something built on our need for power over others? I can finally see the power in humility. It is in fact the humble who have true power. The humble-aware are allowing the rest of us to continue making fools of ourselves in our pursuit of power.

    For a time we may lose our minds in our need for the illusion of power. We find our true power when we find our self

    Returning home to ones self is achieved through becoming aware. Our true power is realised when we have awareness. Awareness of the consequences of our thoughts. Awareness of cause and effect. Control over the nature of our thoughts. The strength of mind to bring ourselves home.

  • Mindfulness is a Responsibility you Owe to Yourself

    Taking responsibility for the health of your mind is as important as keeping your body clean and feeding yourself a healthy diet

    I woke this morning feeling guilty. I was thinking about all the people I’d harmed in the past. My poor behaviour. How the battles I fought with myself to try and  make sense of life had impacted the people around me.

    I thought about my ex mother-in-law and what she would say to me. She would say: ‘You treated my daughter so badly!’ And I thought about a response based on what I now understand. I would say: ‘That’s right, and have you taken responsibility for your part in that relationship?’ I imagined her indignant response of ‘how dare you! Ridiculous of course, just as that whole episode of my life was. Everybody with their own agendas seeking self-centred ends. Using and abusing. No one is without fault. No one is squeaky clean. We’re all just learning.

    And now there is no guilt. When I realise how everyone needs to take responsibility for their part in any conflict, guilt melts away. Only now is there any chance of resolution.

    Responsibility is such a beautiful word. Through applying it to our lives, we will see the ease with which we can become healthy.