Taking responsibility for the health of your mind is as important as keeping your body clean and feeding yourself a healthy diet
I woke this morning feeling guilty. I was thinking about all the people I’d harmed in the past. My poor behaviour. How the battles I fought with myself to try and make sense of life had impacted the people around me.
I thought about my ex mother-in-law and what she would say to me. She would say: ‘You treated my daughter so badly!’ And I thought about a response based on what I now understand. I would say: ‘That’s right, and have you taken responsibility for your part in that relationship?’ I imagined her indignant response of ‘how dare you! Ridiculous of course, just as that whole episode of my life was. Everybody with their own agendas seeking self-centred ends. Using and abusing. No one is without fault. No one is squeaky clean. We’re all just learning.
And now there is no guilt. When I realise how everyone needs to take responsibility for their part in any conflict, guilt melts away. Only now is there any chance of resolution.
Responsibility is such a beautiful word. Through applying it to our lives, we will see the ease with which we can become healthy.
We can of course get drugs to fix most things (or so we’re led to believe) and are the drugs a long term healthy fix? We may also be led to believe we’re powerless to make the changes we need. We may believe we’re unable to take control
Intentional or not it is in the drug industries interest that we continue to believe we need their assistance. There is no doubt modern medicines have their place and value. It would certainly never be for me to advise anyone about medication prescribed by professionals. We must remember that those professionals are as reliant on drugs as those they prescribe them to. So rather than this reliance, we can seek to find the answers from within ourselves, and if those answers are beyond any recourses we hold, we must educate ourselves into changing our thinking. How does that sound? Challenging? To love a challenge we must firstly keep an eye on the prize.
Some, after many years of searching, finally see the true reasons for their difficulties. Those that find the answers can then help us take a shortcut; a rabbit run to our prize. To take advantage of this we must listen and pay attention. We must be mindful
Always stop and take a moment to consider the root causes. What are our responses to anxiety and fear? So many children are pacified with sweets and food. Children struggle to deal with strong emotions. Parents often struggle to deal with their children’s emotions. Instead of remaining calm and reasoned a parent may instantly seek to ease their child’s unease with sweets and food. In whatever way we seek to ease our children’s upset, we can trace our own experiences back, and see how similar solutions were offered to us. These solutions have grown and mutated over time. We may be copying the behaviour we witnessed as a child. Sometimes we’re not even consciously aware of how we reach for the distraction before experiencing the emotion.
Instead, we must make offerings of love, and comfort. We then wait for the mind to gain control in its own time. The avoidance of feelings, through the usual unhealthy distractions, only delays the inevitable. They will always surface in some form. If we continue to eat, instead of feeling and working through anxiety, we end up with all the associated diseases that come with obesity
The root of our anxiety can be simple. A lonely child is standing in the que at the tuck shop because he is afraid. The sweets will act as a distraction and the sugar itself will lift his mood. When we spend time with the child within ourselves, this simple act, can ease our loneliness. As adults when we’re mindful of our habits – through seeing their root – they become less like habits. When we’re aware of the distraction the feelings will surface. We must feel them to be free of them. Will drugs help us with this? Or will our awareness?
Being made aware of what wholeness is and its importance for health and happiness is the first step
Wholeness, as the word would suggest, is the capacity to embrace all aspects of the self. To become emotionally whole, we must be able to experience and accept the whole spectrum of human emotions in a way that encourages their free movement. Put another way, we must free ourselves from the habit of judging our emotions as being either good or bad. In addition, we must acknowledge the possibility that we have suppressed certain emotions (parts of ourselves) due to past trauma.
There can be many ways in which we keep our emotional selves buried. It’s very straightforward. We may need to bury ourselves in books of a certain genre, take drugs, only ever listen to uplifting pop music, or obsessively pursue anything that takes the mind out of the present moment
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The exact mechanism used to distract ourselves isn’t that important. What is important is acknowledging that we can be better at accepting all of our emotions as being equally important. Take a moment and consider what your reaction is to the concept of emotional blockages leading to illness in the body.
For me, this idea has great value. And it really matters, not a jot, whether it remains a concept or becomes accepted fact. If we believe that emotions can become trapped in the body, and release and acceptance of these emotions helps us to feel better in the long term, this is what truly matters. I believe meditation, which leads to improved everyday mindfulness of how we avoid emotional wholeness, is key to our mental and physical well-being.
I’ve noticed in one of my local supermarkets that there’s a certain dessert that, although very expensive, is very difficult to get hold of
On the rare occasion I can find them on the shelf I buy a packet of two. One for me and one for my partner. They are delicious. A short crunchy pastry cup filled with sweet custard and topped with fresh half strawberry’s . . . yum! And this is the very reason they’re in such short supply; they’re so lovely. And here ‘s the thing; they are very expensive. Even so, they sell out, so very quickly. The lesson being: if something is right people will pay for it. It will be in demand. Especially if it satisfies a craving and makes us feel good.
Is it not the case that the whole of humanity is craving something good? With this in mind how would it be if you were the Strawberry and Custard Tart? How do we need to be so that we’re craved after and in demand?
In short, the simple answer is, we all need to be excellent examples, of human beings. And there are some excellent examples out there. They just disappear of the shelves rather quickly.
Quite the opposite are the extreme examples the media like to make so much fuss of. The humans that feel they have the right to dictate how we live, and even if we live at all, are most certainly not Strawberry and Custard tarts. More like a burger made of meat manufactured in a lab. Yuck!
I’ve heard it said that mindfulness is about developing an empty mind. In a way this is correct
Even though I was a little taken aback by this, I feel it’s far easier and more constructive to not disagree, but to develop the idea. It is in fact impossible for the vast majority of us to empty our minds completely. Practice meditation for sixty years though, and there’s a good chance, you’ll be getting somewhere.
It’s going to be far more constructive to explain very clearly what in fact we’re looking to achieve through mindfulness. What we’re seeking is a single-pointed awareness of what we’re doing from moment to moment. Be this washing up, mowing the lawn, or walking the dog. During any one of these activities there can be happiness. And this happiness is brought about in the moments when the mind is empty of everything except what we’re doing. When the mind is empty of distracting thought.
What we must have, in order to consider ourselves mindful (better still, Mindfulness Practitioners), is a single-pointed awareness of the activity we’re currently engaging in. No outside thoughts, feelings or distractions whatsoever. When we have this we will have discovered the secret to happiness.
That’s right! Happiness is to be aware of the present moment. It’s when our mind is taken from what we’re doing right now that our happiness is destroyed. When our thoughts stray
These thoughts might be comparisons (if only I had this that or the other) or they might be worries concerning the future. Perhaps your thoughts are persistent or lingering – I would be happy if I did this or achieved that. Whatever the distraction, the answer is not an empty mind, but a mind that is empty of everything except what is happening right now. The answer is an awareness of the nature of your thoughts. The answer is to be mindful (aware) of your mind. To think about your thinking.
The only way to strengthen the mind, so that a single-pointed awareness is achievable, is through Meditation
During meditation we study our consciousness. We become aware of our thoughts and feelings and practise putting these things to one side. To do this we must constantly bring the mind back to our point of focus.
This need only be an awareness of the breath. Awareness of the difference in temperature between the in breath and the out breath is a great way to start. Just twenty minutes per day, at least three times a week, is sufficient. And the better we get, at bringing the mind back to our point of focus, the stronger our mind is becoming.
So much of poor mental health is down to fractured thinking. Good mental health relates to the strength of our mind. Thinking of the mind as a muscle helps. If we want stronger arms, legs or heart, we must engage in physical activity. Developing single-pointed awareness is the answer to strengthening our minds. Developing better focus, on one activity, to the exclusion of everything else, will lead to improved mental health and ultimately happiness
When we get right down to the heart of the matter it’s possible to remove so much of the wheat from the chaff
Starting with opinions. Ask: What is my opinion based on? Naturally the answer is knowledge. Your understandings of the world and most importantly your beliefs.
And so opinions are based on beliefs. What about thought? What is thought based on? A though might start with a feeling. You see in the news that an aeroplane has crashed and you feel upset. Fear is there. Anger is there. Wonder is there (someone survived). And then you form opinions based on your thoughts. What are your beliefs about the safety of aeroplanes? Do you believe they are intrinsically unsafe? If so, even though it’s a very rare event, your opinion might be; Oh my God, another one! Your beliefs will filter your opinions and, subsequently, your reactions. It might even affect you to the point of avoiding flying from this point on. At the extreme, you might become fearful of travel in general.
How would it be if you simply learned of the accident and managed to stop yourself from thinking and forming an opinion? How would it be if you understood the suffering of others through ambivalence (neutrality)?
Other peoples suffering is something we must be aware of. We decide how their suffering affects us. If we allow ourselves to become overly involved in the suffering of others we can also become lost. Far better to be one step removed (emotionally) and then seek to understand how suffering is generated and exacerbated. We can then offer this understanding to others.
There is a need to being removed from our opinions and emotions
Especially if you have no direct involvement. Ambivalence to the seeming chaos in the world is necessary for our own well-being. We find the ability to remain neutral and unaffected by tragic events through mental strength. Our mental strength will determine control over thoughts and opinions based on beliefs. The most effective method of improving how much control we have over our minds is meditation.
Meditation leads to improved mindfulness. Mindfulness is the awareness of our emotions and thoughts. Meditation is the study of our consciousness. Through becoming aware, we can control our thoughts and opinions, directly influencing our overall well-being. Well reasoned and measured reactions to events are a sign of our maturity and mental fitness.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect – Mark Twain
We need only look into the recent past to see the evidence of how stupid we humans can be when following the majority. Independent thinking, based on some very simple rules, can often get us out of very tricky situations.
There is enough for everyone. Enough land, enough food, enough money. It can be argued that boarders are necessary. We could say that our growing population needs to be evenly distributed so that a country’s infrastructure can cope. This is common sense. And so if we take the world as a whole, even though we have boarders, resources can easily be distributed among us all. It’s when we fear there not being enough that problems occur. The mentality of: this is mine and that is yours belongs in childhood. We, as a species, are still very much in our infancy.
That said, it is not all of us that remain in our infancy. We could look at an individual such as Bill Gates and say his attitude and philanthropy is a reflection of his maturity
Immediately, there are those who will say, oh well it’s okay for Bill Gates he has more money than he could ever spend. And extreme examples are open to this. However, putting this to one side, if we all took Bill Gates philanthropy as an example, and gave away the same proportion of our income, it wouldn’t amount to that much. But would certainly make a massive difference in terms of how wealth is distributed. All that needs to happen is for us to grow a little so we may lose the same mentality as our children.
Ultimately, all of us are only ever custodians, of what we think of, as our possessions. And this includes land. In time all boarders will change. How will we continue to distribute land as the planet rearranges itself? Something it has done from the very beginning. Do we just fight more wars and continue with the hatred and anger we’re currently experiencing? There will be generation after generation of this. Or will we eventually reach the kind of understandings needed for a long term, peaceful, survival? I would suggest more thinking, away from the majority, is required. You can start today. Can you not? Time to pause and reflect.
If those closest to you cannot adequately consider your needs, or at the very least make allowances for them, what is at the root of this?
By asking the important question of how this makes us feel, we can begin to understand. If others are unable – or just indifferent – to your needs, how does this make you feel? Lonely? Frustrated? Angry? Perhaps all of these emotions occur just on different occasions. From my own perspective, it comes down to the level of my awareness. It all depends on how mindful I choose to be about others’ behaviour. When fully aware, I predominantly feel angry when my needs are disregarded.
And here is the answer: My anger. Others need this if they’re unable to express this themselves. The purpose, or root to the game, of disregarding my needs, is no more complicated than this. In my particular circumstances, once I ask the right questions, I’m able to remind myself of the limitations of those around me. The game of ignoring my needs is being played in order to use my emotions as a tool. This tool can then be used for varying things. Rejection can be an aspect to this.
So, to recap. If others are being inconsiderate to your needs, ask yourself how this makes you feel. Now. Why would others need you to feel this way? To help you? Or as a means of using your emotions to reach a goal of their own?
The key to a more comfortable life and to finding considerate, loving people within it is mindfulness. Become aware of the game. If you remain unaware of how others may be subtly manipulating you or even bullying you, the game is over before you’ve even begun. Without awareness, you’re stuck in a game being played around you that you’re losing. Be mindful and begin to play with a far better hand.
In this reality, he sat next to the bed of the dying child and told her all about heaven. In an alternate reality, he told her this . . .
We all die. Some die sooner than others. It is nature or circumstances that decide this. And it’s true that you will never see me again but that’s okay. Okay, because of what I’m about to tell you.
There are many different elements that have made you who you are. Those elements, or parts, were already here before you were born. When you die, your body returns to the earth. All that you are is recycled and used again. You become the grass, the trees, and the blue sky. You, my love, will go everywhere. You will be in everything and that everything will be here for as long as there is a universe. And how long will the universe live? Longer than our minds can conceive of.
Which reality we live in is, of course, a choice. If we chose a reality based on fantasy, what is this life? Is our life something vague and filled with conflict and denial? Are we wrapping ourselves in cotton wool created by lies? Facing the truth means experiencing the stark realities of life. And those realities, although sharp and focused, are the truth of a beautiful life
When we have the courage to face our suffering and talk to our children with truths, only then will we live in a world that knows how to escape the madness. Always be mindful of the truth, and that way, you will find truth in everything. Love. Loss. Joy. Sadness. Life. Everything becomes clear. Life and death are beautiful then.
Practising Mindfulness 