Practising Mindfulness

Category: Mental health

  • Mindful of the Enemy

    When I ask myself if I have any enemies the answer immediately comes back that I don’t

    As a child I had plenty of enemies. Some of them were the adults I encountered and some of them were kids of the same age. Now that I’m grown, I suppose I could still class those people who would like to take advantage of me, as enemies. And yet, ultimately, it’s only me that allows others to take advantage. I’m old enough, with plenty of life skills and experience behind me, to be fully able – when mindful of others – to easily defend myself against this. As such ,they’re not really enemies.

    So this brings me to the realisation that if I have any enemies at all it’s me! I am my own worst enemy

    As an adult it’s my forgetfulness that’s my real enemy. My forgetfulness to remain vigilant of my own thinking. It is my judgments, thinking, beliefs and opinions (borne from these beliefs), that create the enemy within. By remembering (being mindful) of impartiality, and where appropriate, indifference to the behaviour of other human beings, I cease the negativity that we all tend to be bias toward.

    In the grand scheme of things none of us have true enemies. Even as a child, if I’d been equipped to think differently, many of my enemies could well have become dear friends

    War-mongers are those who are at war with themselves. There is no peace within the minds of those who choose to wage war. Their suffering will always become as great, if not greater, than those they wage war against. All that remains for us to do now is become aware of our own thinking. To become more aware of the beliefs that drive our thinking. To be aware of the unthinking behaviours that are the result of our conditioning. Only then will we have peace.

  • Mindful of my Useful Illusions

    It’s dusty in the quadrant. The queue at the tuck shop is never very long. I can buy my sweets quickly. Sweets in hand, happier now

    Anxious but never really understanding why. Sweets have always helped change something. I’ve never really understood what. It’s the process of taking something away that has helped me understand my addiction. My total lack of control over myself and my need for sugar. I took away my illusion and my addiction got worse. So, the answer, has been to recognise my illusion – as an illusion – and then understand my need for it. I need the illusion of inclusion because this makes me feel less afraid; less alone. I’ve decided to keep the illusion because I feel happier and healthier with it. I feel less need for sugar. I feel in control. This is most surly a paradox of immense proportion. Is it not the case that illusions are a sign of my mind out of control?

    It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because there is no difference between illusion and reality. No difference at all as far as the mind is concerned

    What does matter is that I’m mindful of what I need to do to be happy and healthy. My illusion of inclusion – that there are some people out there who love me and value what I say – is important for me to be less afraid and to feel in control of my sugar addiction. My illusion of inclusion keeps me sane. I’m in control. Happy with my illusion. And so thankful of my minds ability to cure me of my crippling loneliness. You are there as far as my mind is concerned and that is all that matters. I must be mindful that my illusions are not likely to do me or anyone else harm. And now you ease my suffering beautiful mind.

  • My Front Door

    What does your front door look like? Is it strong and sturdy? Or does it look like it could easily be broken down?

    Where I work the door is mainly made of glass. It has an open sign in the window when I’m there. Very recently a lady called Mrs Hackaday called in to complain that we hadn’t been able to help her. To me she seems to have become a little fixated. She tells me she has recently lost her husband. Goodness knows where. And she tells me she used to be a psychologist. I mentioned I used to be a Hypnoanalyst. She didn’t stay long after that. Better results you see.

    I feel it’s okay to have a glass fronted door where I work but wouldn’t want this kind of door where I live. I remember the door of my childhood home was at least 50% glass

    Think of this: The greater my awareness the stronger my front door. It’s not as if I’m always hiding behind one of those little spy holes. Not at all. In fact, if I decide to open the door, I see the whole person standing in front of me. Disability and all. The question is whether or not I decide to open the door in the first place. The spy hole helps. My awareness helps me to make this decision. I ask If opening myself up to this person is of any benefit to me, or am I likely to be angered by their forgetfulness (lack of awareness).

    I think of mindfulness as my beautiful front door. My mind safely protected behind

    Yes. Protected. Because so many people are forgetful of their manners and seem intent on knocking very loudly. Even attempting to break down the door with a battering ram. But now? Not a chance. My awareness is my beautiful, sturdy, front door.

  • Responding to Aggression with Love and Humility

    Some will always fight fire with fire. The healthy response for mind and body is to extinguish aggression with the cool, quenching powers, of love and humility

    When the bully told the boy: “get down on your knees and kiss my feet” how powerful would it have been if the victim had said: “certainly sir and would you like me to polish your shoes whilst I’m down there?”

    Firstly, we can look at the need of the bully to dominate. There is a likelihood that the bully had experienced a high degree of humiliation from a parent or other adult and needed to inflict this pain on others. This of course doesn’t make it right and yet it helps us understand the child’s pain.

    Secondly, we must look at the strength and courage it would have taken for the victim to respond to the bully with love, humour, and humility. The child victim of the bully would have needed an informed and developed consciousness. He would have needed to be aware, present, and mindful of his words and actions. He would have needed the ability to consider cause and effect. He would have needed to be considered.

    Developing and informing our children is were the answers lie

    The consequences of the majority of us responding to aggression with love and humility are not difficult to see. We would certainly live in a quieter, more peaceful, world. And it is the case, that compared to the past, we already live in a better world. For us to grow and build on this success, we must keep a keen eye on how our children choose to respond to aggression. They can easily be taught the peaceful path when offered love and humility from us adults.

  • Calm and Untroubled Because I am Mindful

    What is it that causes anxiety? What is it that causes fear? How is it I fret and worry?

    It is my mind. It is my thoughts. For when my mind is still, there is no fear. There is no anger, worry, or anxiety. What remains is a beautiful feeling of serenity. Heaven on earth. A place I’ve found from within.

    It may take some time to reach this place, and when you do, you may wonder why it has taken so long to find such a simple solution. Stop questioning even this. Dismiss it as unimportant. What matters is that you are finally here.

  • Catch your Destructive Thoughts

    It is possible to catch our destructive thoughts before they become actions. To achieve this, we must practise. We must learn to Meditate, and we must then turn our improved mental strength into everyday Mindfulness. We must be dogged and determined if we are to improve our mental health and quality of life

    It may seem like an oversimplification to say the cause of our troubles, lies within our thinking, and yet this is an inescapable truth. The tendency with sitting Meditation is for us to not practise. We must. And we must practise every day if we are to gain the life changing ability of catching our thoughts.

  • Mindful of our Happiness

    If we’re unhappy, mindfulness, on its own, isn’t going to change this. It’s very likely that what mindfulness will do is make us acutely aware of our unhappiness in the present moment.

    The value of this awareness is in how it helps us reach the tipping point, necessary for us to instigate change, that little bit sooner. In fact, without mindfulness, we can live our entire lives, never fully realising the happiness we deserve.

  • Easing the Conflict

    I recently heard that there’s something like sixty five conflicts (impossible to confirm, could be more could be less, but you get the point) currently ongoing in the world. That’s right, sixty five! We can easily be indifferent to this through saying: “oh well, that’s just human nature and there’s sod all I can do about it.” And to a degree I would advise doing just that . . . be indifference toward things you can’t possibly have any influence over. However, there is something we can learn for ourselves, through simply being aware of the conflicted nature of our fellow man.

    When we have unrecognized conflict within ourselves this will always need to be expressed in some way. We humans often enjoy witnessing conflict. Be this in wars, soap operas, and politics.

    On a personal level, I remember my mother saying, on several occasions, how arguments “cleared the air.” My mother was a very conflicted person who seemed generally unhappy with the cards she’d been dealt. I feel she often needed an outlet for her frustrations. I wonder now if she imagined herself with a different life to the one she had created? Was this her conflict? It’s certain that constant arguments, with whoever was at hand, had the effect of temporarily easing the anger she felt as a consequence of her conflicted mind.

    Perhaps what she lacked was control over her situation. It is important to bear in mind, we can only effect positive influence over our external environment, once we have full control over the self. Mindful awareness is key.

    The antidote, to easing our troubled minds, is awareness. The need to experience the friction of conflict externally is there because we lack awareness. Acknowledge this.

    When we ask: What do I want? and find the answer to this question to be in opposition to what we’re actually getting, there is obviously discord. We must then find a way to become accepting of our current situation and then plan a peaceful means (draw up a peaceful plan) of getting what we want. It may take time for our plan to come to fruition and acknowledging that time is all we have helps us to become patient. After all it is not the destination that counts.

    Intention, that creates the energy needed for change to happen, is very different to the negative forces created by conflict.

    When we fail to see how conflicted we are, all we’re left with, is a sense of powerlessness. Expressing this through external means (war, arguments, soap operas, politics etc) creates the illusion of power and ultimately keeps us stuck. What’s needed is power over the self and this is gained through awareness. The awareness of our internal conflict. Do those who wage war have power over the self? Are they aware of their internal disputes? They are not.

    There is no conflict, only a short distance between where we are now, and where we want to be in the future.

  • Life: A Journey of Self-discovery

    We humans have climbed the highest mountains, dived to the deepest depths of the oceans, and travelled to the moon and back. And all of us are on the most important journey of all: The Journey Home

    On many occasions over the last twenty five years I’ve asked myself this question: How am I doing this? And a very recent revelation for me was the understanding, that it is only when I take full responsibility, for how I create all my joys, sadness, anguish and suffering, will I be better able to control my internal environment. And it is this environment that matters. I have no control over external factors. From the behaviour of others, to the time and date of expected arrivals, these things are in the wind.

    When I fully accept that it is me deciding all matters, whether good, bad, health or ill-health, painful or comforting, I am empowered to change things

    As I go through my day, there are times when I feel my stress levels change. I live with impaired hearing and tinnitus. Through accepting that it is me creating tinnitus I’m empowered to make a choice. I can either suffer or delve into understanding the mechanism behind the issue. I can seek to understand how I increase or decrease my stress levels. This goes for all of us. We can ask ourselves the very same question: How am I doing this? Some might feel offended that I should suggest that we’re all creating our own problems. They might say: “How dare you suggest I’m creating my illness. How dare you suggest I’m choosing to suffer”

    And for those who feel this way, it would be useful to question what being a victim to your problems is doing for you. This is a very important question. I could easily go through the rest of my life feeling like a victim to circumstances. I could continue to blame my past. I’ve spent far too much time doing this already. It hasn’t got me anywhere. The only thing that has succeeded at helping me move forward, and enjoy my life, is the increased awareness of how I must think and act in order to help myself feel happier.

    Through looking deeply into the issue of tinnitus I now understand the link between the condition and fear

    As a child I often felt humiliated. I remember being placed in a remedial class in junior school and I understand the long lasting effects of this. Throughout my life I’ve had a deep fear of looking stupid; of seeming stupid to others. I developed the belief: I am stupid. The first means of attacking my misconceptions and limiting beliefs was to ask: Why does it matter what other people think? And of course it doesn’t. However, the cause of this thinking, comes down to my own habit of judging others. The cure to this is mindfulness of thoughts. Very simple.

    The second means of attack is to consider the consequences of the belief : I look stupid to others. On asking myself what the consequences have been, my mind has shown me many occasions, when my behaviour has been appalling. I’ve actively humiliated myself – and made myself feel stupid to others – so many times I’ve lost count. The flipside of this is to be very controlled and uptight, for fear of making mistakes, and again, looking stupid. This is the power of beliefs. We will actively find ways to fulfil them. Once aware of how we do this, it stops.

    I can easily see the connection between deafness and stupidity. Something that was very prevalent during my early years and perhaps still is today. Are you deaf or stupid? was the question. Some people often connect deafness with stupidity. This was certainly taught to me as a child. And so through this type of questioning and analysis I can clearly see that deafness is a symptom of my belief. I have unconsciously, unknowingly, damaged my very sensitive hearing during my life and there is no going back from this. Tinnitus is connected to how hard I’m straining to hear people. It creates stress and stress worsens the condition.

    And so the cure is firstly to stop judging people (so I stop feeling judged myself). What does it matter what people thing? It doesn’t matter. Why should it? It mattered as a child because it reflected on my schooling. What people thing now is irrelevant. They have no right to judge me. I’m doing the best of my abilities and always have done. The second aspect of the cure is to stop straining to hear people. If I can’t hear them, it doesn’t matter. Sound is often overrated, there are many ways to communicate. At work I no longer ask someone their details, I get them to write it down. I also explain that I’m hearing impaired and seek to shift the onus onto them. We all want to help someone with a disability so people will want to help me understand them. We all want to be understood do we not?

    The most important journey is the one we make in finding ourselves. The sooner the journey starts, the better.

    For help and advice with your own journey you can contact me here: andrew@freedmancollege.org

  • What to Believe to Make the Change

    My curiosity constantly draws me into seeking to understand what drives people. I’m curious as to what it takes to make a person want to live well. Why should we search for peace? Why should we question our addictions? Why should we care?

    I feel the answer to these questions lies entirely in the level of compassion that’s been instilled in us from a very early age. Self-compassion, or compassion for the wellbeing of others, I believe is something that starts very early. It’s those parents who buy their child a rabbit, with the intention of helping that child build love and compassion for other beings, who raise a human that’s likely to care. The caring and taking responsibility for another being, from an early age, helps the child understand the two way nature of the relationship. Pleasure is awarded the child whose rabbit is healthy because they’ve taken proper care of it. Also, when the rabbit eventually dies, the child learns from their suffering. They learn that happiness and suffering go hand in hand.

    There must be sufficient reward for caring. There must always be something in it for us and we must never be ashamed to know and admit this. Our survival is paramount and we must be taught that when we make our survival the priority, we inadvertently lift everyone else

    Consider the late spiritual leader Thích Nhất Hạnh. Many have described his greatest achievement as the communities he created; the Sangha. We must ask what was his motivation? The first driver will have been his belief. His faith. He believed in Buddhism with every fiber of his being. He also believed he had the medicine to help people out of their suffering; that Buddhism had some of the solutions to humanities plight. The second driving will have been his compassion. He wanted all of us to better deal with our suffering, through living lives, that had more of an acceptance of how – according to Buddhist understandings – we generate our suffering. The third, and by no means last motivation, will have concerned the pleasure he received as a result of helping others prosper.

    The communities he created are currently hard at work looking to spread the word. They’re looking to spread the word of mindfulness and the importance of love and compassion in the world. It’s my understanding, that the current they will always be swimming against, is that of the conflicting beliefs our children are still being taught.

    We must understand that the rewards we receive concern the easing of our own suffering. The child must be taught to understand, how it’s the process of helping other beings prosper, that in turn creates their own prosperity

    It starts with: What do I want? Thích Nhất Hạnh saw the image of a Buddha as a child and decided: “That’s what I want to be” it started with what he wanted and the comfort that there will be some benefit to him. His compassion for other beings then drove him to want this for others too. His communities were his masterpiece and what piece of mind this must have offered him.

    If you want piece of mind, if you’ve finally had enough of our destructive patterns of living, ask yourself what you believe is the best way to live well. To give or to take? I would suggest neither. I would suggest that through reaching for the child within, who wanted the rabbit to thrive, we get closer to finding the truth. We are neither giving or taking, just simply being compassionately and mindfully there for another being, and in turn it will be there for us. Make your driving a deep desire to help others prosper and make the miracle happen.