Practising Mindfulness

Category: Mindfulness

  • A Superpower to Guide You Through Life

    It’s a popular question: If you could go back to yourself as a child, what would you tell them?

    It sends a shiver down my spine to consider this. I imagine myself sitting with my child-self in a calm and peaceful environment. I know I’d need to create a very safe place to sit and talk to my child-self. A place where he was likely to feel safe and trusting enough of me to listen to what I had to say.

    I would begin to talk very slowly and quietly using gentle tones. I would seek to hold his fascination. I wouldn’t be able to talk about fear because I know how likely that is to generate fear itself. Instead, I would disguise the word behind something else. I would hide the fear behind a strength my child-self would understand; the power of his imagination.

    I would help him to imagine a superpower that can guide him through the times he felt unhappy and troubled. I would guide him into imagining a place in his mind where all is still and all is quiet. An imaginary ship. Perhaps a spaceship or an amazing vessel that toured the oceans. When aboard the ship, there is nothing other than a feeling of safety. He’s not alone. There are people there who will take care of him. Above all, I would tell him to find this place in his mind whenever he felt unhappy or sad.

    I’m talking of course about teaching my child-self about self-hypnosis and mindfulness. I can only imagine how different my early years would have been if awarded this superpower.

    My child-self already knew how to escape into his imagination. All that I would need to do is instil within him some additional information. I would tell him that all feelings pass. That they don’t last forever. They feel strong, confusing, and unmanageable at times, and yet these feeling are serving a purpose.

    We might all wonder what purpose uncomfortable feelings serve. As children, when we’re threatened and insecure, the associated feelings are there to help us search for solutions. Sometimes, children need the solution of escaping into their own minds. If armed with a greater understanding of feelings – that an underdeveloped consciousness can cope with – the damage fear can cause is limited.

    Now that we’re grown, escape into our imagination is still made possible. The ability to escape from the present moment and the difficulties we face has its uses. However, we must face the reality that escaping through whatever means we use (books, TV, gaming, etc.) is not solving the real problem.

    Only remaining in the present will achieve that. Mindfulness is the Superpower for adults who are ready to deal with everyday life so they may experience life to its fullest

  • Surviving a Toxic Environment with Mindfulness

    Photo by Daniel Torobekov on Pexels.com

    It could be that something has changed in your life and not for the better. Perhaps it’s your home life or it could be your work that has shifted. Something you previously enjoyed has changed into something toxic and stressful or even harmful to your emotional well-being

    If this is the case all is not lost. Firstly, don’t jump. This is certainly something I’ve done in the past. I’ve voted with my feet as it were. There can be times when this is the best strategy, however, more likely than not, it will be far better to make a plan before that jump! Leaping without first making a plan can increase our stress levels as we will potentially be making matters worse. At least for awhile anyway.

    This is where mindfulness comes into play. Now don’t get me wrong. I understand that the ability to remain calm and non-judgemental in stressful situations can be a challenge. Even now after years of study I still find myself spiralling out of control in reaction to the behaviour of others. Out of control that is, until I remember.

    I remind myself to cease judgement of the situation, to breath, and bring my mind back into the present. Time and time again I will need to do this and the result is a marvel.

    The results are marvellous because within the space I’ve created with mindfulness, I’m able to recognise how toxic the environment is, and the effects it’s having on my mind. I then see the importance of making a plan to remove myself from toxicity in a controlled manner.

    There is no need to jump from the frying pan into the fire when you have mindfulness

    What we actually achieve with mindfulness is a level of control over the self that is no doubt lacking in those around us. This control automatically awards us power. That’s right, with mindfulness we have the power to choose where we want to go, and how we do it. We have the power with mindfulness to step back from situations – remove ourselves from the influence of toxic people – and properly asses what we must do to improve the quality of our lives.

  • Free to Choose

    Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

    Once you’re grown, you’ll be free to choose

    If you’re feeling strong you’ll be able to ask yourself this question: What good examples have I been shown of what it is to be a fully grown adult?

    As a result of reviewing this post I got to thinking about how important it is for us to become aware of how the present is so often an echo of the past.

    In respect of this, whilst lazing in bed reviewing the post mentioned, the statement: ‘once you’re grown, you’ll be free to choose’ changed in my mind to this: Now you are grown you have a choice. This caused a strange reaction: I jumped out of bed and got going!

    As odd as it might sound I’d actually forgotten I had a choice: Stay in bed or get up! I’d forgotten that I have a choice. I’m a fucking grown-up. There is only me taking responsibility for me. And I do have a choice. Remaining emotionally stuck in childhood removes choice.

    Coming back to the question: What good examples have I been shown of what it is to be a fully grown adult? I had to search hard to find them

    They are there and these good examples have been from some very surprising sources. These are very powerful questions that we all need to start asking:

    • What exactly does it mean to be a fully grown adult?
    • How must I behave?
    • How must I think?
    • In what way are my choices childlike?
    • Now that I’m grown what changes will adulthood make?
    • What must I take responsibility for?
    • What am I failing to take responsibility for?
    • What are my choices?

    Taking one day at a time and meditating on only one question each day is most constructive.

  • A Willingness to FEEL

    Image by Alexandra Haynak from Pixabay

    To become healthy, through healthy habits, we need to develop our willpower. We must also learn how to acknowledge and accept all of our feelings

    The big issue at the moment is, of course, weight loss. In respect to obesity, the question of whether this can be dealt with through willpower alone has been raised.

    Much of our addiction to improper foods is down to how we’re taught to deal with emotions

    We all want happiness, do we not? We want happy feelings and all the positives that come with them. Does this then mean we must be averse to feeling the opposite of happiness? How about the feelings associated with stillness? When there’s nothing happening.

    Winter months can sometimes feel a bit flat when it’s cold, and there doesn’t seem to be much going on. Add to this our natural tendency to put a little weight on during the winter months, keeping the weight off, can be very challenging. Inactivity and the cold have an adverse effect on us humans.

    In answer to whether will power alone is enough, we can clearly see that it isn’t. Even so, are drugs the answer?

    For some, they prove very useful. Recent research has suggested, though, that all the weight lost through a drugs programme is very quickly put back on once the treatment stops. To make matters worse, the weight, it would seem, goes back on much quicker than if weight loss was achieved through a change of diet alone.

    Part of the problem is our inability, or unwillingness, to suffer

    None of us want to suffer. How much suffering do we need to endure through being hungry and unhappy? How long will the suffering of hunger and unhappiness go on?

    There is no doubt that feelings of hunger are uncomfortable. If we’re to lose weight, being uncomfortable is something we will need to endure. What’s interesting, though, is that once we learn the important lesson of how to accept and embrace uncomfortable feelings, things change much quicker than we might expect.

    Often, the fear of feeling uncomfortable is the trigger to seeking a diversion. In this case, we do it with food. We never actually suffer uncomfortable feelings because we eat them away. We fear the suffering.

    When we stop dreading (fearing) suffering and instead embrace it and take care of it, an extraordinary change occurs

    A lot of this comes down to how we were taught to deal with our emotions when very young. On a personal level, as a child, I developed the habit of eating sweets to lighten my anxiety and unhappiness. It remains tempting for me to do this now. With mindfulness, though, I’m able to remind myself of the importance of simply experiencing and enduring everything I feel.

    With high, inappropriate levels of anxiety in childhood, sweets became something of a life saver. As a man now in his sixties, too much sugar is more likely to become a killer!

    There is no point in me being averse to any of my feelings if I wish to be whole and healthy. I must embrace my suffering and take good care of it.

    We must say to ourselves: “Hello suffering, hello hunger, hello unhappiness, I know that you are there, and I will take care of you.”

  • The Palace of Your Wisdom

    Image by Tibor Lezsófi from Pixabay

    Oftentimes, we hear something, and it just seems to fit. The belief, philosophy, or concept we’re hearing just sits very comfortably

    Try this one and see how it makes you feel:

    We suffer because of our attachment to impermanent things.

    Straight away, as I did, you might think that this is fairly obvious. And it is. It fits, does it not? Even so, we do it anyway. We attach ourselves to our possessions and the people we love. How can we avoid this?

    It is possible to love and at the same time recognise the importance of accepting that everything (except one thing) is impermanent

    Nothing (except one thing) lasts forever. To assume we’re going to be with the same person, or that our circumstances will remain unchanged, all our life is madness. The likelihood is that you’ll have more than one meaningful relationship, and you’ll most certainly experience changes that are both welcome and unwelcome throughout your life. And thank goodness for that.

    The most valuable thing we can take from all of this is how we can reduce our suffering.

    We love someone without attachment when our love is unconditional. Unconditional love for another happens when we’ve looked closely at our fears and fantasies. If there is fear, this means we will apply conditions to our love. These conditions create attachment. They are the attachment

    The long and the short of understanding attachment to anything, be it relationships, money, circumstances, or even life itself, comes from acknowledging our fears and our fantasies.

    There is an antidote to fear. Firstly, we must acknowledge our fear of change and truth (reality). Secondly, we must embrace this fear. To do this, we must imagine how life would be without the thing we’ve become attached to through fantasy and/or fear and simply experience and embrace this feeling. It then becomes easy for us to begin imagining a future where we are free. A future beyond the fear and fantasy

    Loving life , people, and nature becomes something exceptional and genuine when we’re free of fear and fantasy. Accepting impermanence frees us to love unconditionally. We’re able to express love in such a way that it empowers all around us. Unconditional love really is a beautiful thing because I believe it’s the only permanence you’ll ever find.

  • The Problem isn’t “Out There”

    Nurture the Protected Garden Within Ones Self

    The Way Out is In

    – Thich Nhat Hanh

    For a very long time I thought the issue was with the people I meet

    It sometimes seems to me that people have no consideration for my needs, and within my work, some people seem to act in a superior manner. They speak in condescending and sarcastic tones. Some of the people I meet within my work are wealthy.

    It often seems that wealthy people believe that wealth awards them the power and right to talk down to others. They do this in a supercilious way. When this happens to me personally, or I hear of it, there’s a tendency for me to ruminate and become angry. I now realise the problem has never been with other people, the problem lies within me.

    Now, don’t misunderstand me. Saying the problem lies within me doesn’t make inequality or inconsiderate behaviour right

    These things are never acceptable. However, as it stands right now, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change inequality and inconsiderate behaviour. What I can do is far more powerful. I can stop judging.

    That’s right. I must constantly remind myself that what lies within my power is how I think and react. Through making judgements – of whether the behaviour of people is right or wrong – it becomes me that’s acting superior. I’m judging that people should behave toward me in a certain manner. This is ridiculous.

    A stranger (and some might even say close friends and family) know nothing about me. They’re only ever projecting a judgment of me based on what exactly? An illusion? Something that exists within them? An assumption that people who serve are here to be abused? That I’m an easy target? It can never be personal, and we all need to remember this if we’re to remain unaffected by inconsiderate behaviour.

    Through becoming non-judgmental, we remove the target from our backs

    How people behave toward me is actually none of my business. I needn’t give a damn. And when this is the case, my equanimity remains unaffected. There is nothing for me to ruminate on after the event and, therefore, nothing for me to get angry about.

    Instantly making a judgment about someone will cause us to adjust our behaviour accordingly. If this is a negative, it may exacerbate the situation; our provocative reaction and behaviour, just making matters worse. All the time confirming our expectations

    The answer to so many of my internal struggles and resulting shift in my moods lies in my habit of being judgemental. As soon as I asked myself where I learnt such a habit, the answer came

    Once I have the answer to where I learnt the habit of judging everyone and everything, I’m able to hand it back to those individuals from the past.

    None of us are born making judgments of wrong or right. We learn this, and giving it back to those who taught us helps us come home to our original selves. Remember, the behaviour of others is none of your business.

  • Equanimity and Serenity

    Image by Jason from Pixabay

    Looking closer at equanimity we can see how this state brings the power of serenity into our lives

    There is much more to this than simple semantics. On the surface, we might think both words mean the same thing. They connect. However, they do mean slightly different things. Using words in the way I’m about to help us to pin things down to specifics. Being specific about what we’re actually seeking and the order we must follow is important. With this in mind, I feel we must have achieved equanimity before we find serenity.

    Equanimity is achieved through searching and resolving that witch unsettles us

    For many years, I’ve struggled to find what was causing my mind to change so drastically. Although never diagnosed as such, I feel there has been a tendency toward ADHD and manic depressive behaviour.

    Those of us who have experienced a troubled childhood can find it challenging to control emotions. From a personal point of view, I feel a lack of self-awareness has been a deciding factor.

    Becoming more self-conscious (in the positive sense) through mindfulness has been the tipping point for me. And so my equanimity is achieved through the constant monitoring of my internal state through the practise of contemplative meditation and mindfulness.

    Mindfulness awards me greater control over my thoughts and reactions to the outside world, people, and circumstances. Also, I have greater control over cravings and habits. In fact, cravings and habits are becoming a non-issue as a result of my meditation, mindfulness, and equanimity.

    Serenity is the consequence of equanimity

    Often, the constant stimulation we seek has developed as a coping mechanism. So many of us simply detest having nothing to do. We might feel like we’re going out of our minds when we have nothing to stimulate us.

    Meditation might be extremely challenging. Quieting the mind seemingly impossible. I think in this instance, it would be beneficial to seek assistance and work through what the mind is avoiding. Certainly advisable before or after attendance on a Meditation to Mindfulness Training Workshop.

    Once the unconscious drivings behind our disquiet are revealed, our meditation practice will begin to bear fruit. Serenity is a consequence of a mind in equanimity, no longer restlessly avoiding the self. A mind that has come home.

  • Power Over The Self (knowing when you have it)

    Image by Thị Hồng Phương Phan from Pixabay

    There is a moment of recognition. A feeling of certainty. So strong is the certainty that once you experience it, you will know you have finally gained control over the self

    I am now in my 61st year. Today, I feel the certainty that I have control. Yesterday, I was exposed to the anger and frustration of people I sensed have little control over themselves. These people are still attempting to control circumstances outside of themselves. Something we have no control over. The result is fear, anger, and frustration. We have no control over what happens to us. What we can control is how we react.

    Progress for me came in the form of recognising how important it is to stop reacting to the crisis of others and seek to protect myself from this. There is no gain for me to become involved with the drama others are constantly experiencing

    So many of the people I’m currently exposed to seem to be living in a drama. It seems to me that the universe (useful belief) is exposing me to these people in order for me to learn how to better deal with it.

    I need and enjoy a feeling of equanimity. These days, it’s a feeling I’ve fallen in love with. I adore equanimity. I love feeling calm, balanced, and at ease within myself. I love feeling in control of my mind. It’s beautiful. Equanimity is a thing of beauty.

    I can name the year I found myself on the path toward equanimity: 1998. Will it take 27 years for others to find the things I have? Probably longer. It’s of no concern to me.

    And because I deeply understand this now and feel okay, there’s a better chance others might want to follow my example

    Others sense neediness, fear, and loneliness. Would any sensible person choose to follow the examples set by fearful, lonely people? No. And it’s an awareness of these things that we must have if we’re to set useful and powerful examples to others.

  • Skimming Stones

    In an attempt to skim a stone the young child threw it into the air only for it to splash into the water and immediately sink

    The adult teaching the child managed to successfully skim the stone across the surface of the water.

    Later I began to think of how the stone represents information. How this information skims across the mind of an adult yet is easily absorbed by the child.

    It’s my experience that the older we get the less inclined we are to digesting new information. Especially when this information questions established models and belief systems

    To continue with the metaphor. To skim a stone we need to put in a great deal of effort. Getting it to skim across the surface tension of the water takes effort. Without realising the effort and technique required the child just threw the stone into the air. Moving slowly and directly downward the stone easily broke through the surface of the water.

    I recently read about a madman who had thousands of books he never read. He never read them because he was so certain in his already established beliefs. As a result, millions of people died. You might guess who I’m talking about.

    When we yield and finally decide to stop working so hard to remain fixed in our ideas and beliefs (that may have stopped working years ago) change can happen

    It takes more effort to remain stuck and unhappy than we realise. When new information isn’t properly, mindfully considered, it’s like the stone travelling quickly over the surface of the water. It skims across the surface of the mind as if it were never there. We remain unchanged and unhappy.

    Although new information can initially feel like someone’s throwing small stones at us that sting, once absorbed, we will eventually gain a different way of seeing things. Learning to meditate can help with this process.

  • Why the Concept of Non-Self or Emptiness is Useful

    Embracing our connection to the earth and each other

    One thing is pretty clear: Our identity is something that is both cherished and important. Does the importance we place on identity come at a cost?

    I believe it does come at a cost when the importance of identity results in us believing we are in some way separate from everyone else and indeed our home. A growing separateness from others, through strong identity, and the growing distance we place between ourselves and nature can only exacerbate human loneliness. I believe loneliness is becoming an increasing problem that can be addressed through the understanding of non-self and emptiness.

    We must think of ourselves as being empty of a separate self and full of everything else

    To better understand emptiness, all we need to do is consider what it has taken for us to be alive. Can we be alive without the sun? Can we have formed in our mothers womb without absorbing all the necessary elements from nature through our mothers blood? If any elements had been missing or deficient, we will have not developed properly and may not have survived. Can a tree form without water? Can a cloud form without the warmth of the sun?

    You see, the universe has provided us with all the necessary ingredients to be human. As such, it’s impossible for us to separate ourselves from the planet and the wider universe on any level. It’s where we have come from and where we will return. This is the definition of emptiness or non-self.

    From a personal standpoint, when I meditate and embrace my connectedness to my home (Earth), I feel a sense of wonder and ease

    It’s easy to understand how and why the ego strives for a separate identity. It’s important for us to feel special, and we place great value on our identity. This is fine, provided it isn’t adding to any sense of loneliness or causing us to distance ourselves from the very things we depend on for our survival.

    Underneath all of our thoughts, beliefs, and identities we form, there is only pure awareness. We all bleed red blood and cry salty tears. No matter what our outward appearance or deep-rooted beliefs are, we’re all the same underneath. Embracing this can only help us to build better connections to others and our home.