Practising Mindfulness

Category: Mindfulness Training

  • Be Mindful of Manipulative People

    As a consequence of being Mindfulness Practitioners, we’re looking to be exceptional examples of human beings. Even so, it is important to be aware, unless we live in some kind of commune or sangha (as the Buddhists call it), we will be living among those who couldn’t care less about being virtuous. Others care nothing about stepping on feelings and being completely indifferent to the needs of friends, family members, work colleagues, etc.

    And so, along with being mindful of our own behaviour, be aware, that if we’re forgetful of the nature of vulnerable and frightened people, we will inadvertently be allowing them to trick us into doing their bidding. For it is the frightened and vulnerable, who seek the illusion of power – over others – through being manipulative. In their attempts to manipulate, they will be mistaking your kindness, for weakness.

  • Mindful of our Happiness

    If we’re unhappy, mindfulness, on its own, isn’t going to change this. It’s very likely that what mindfulness will do is make us acutely aware of our unhappiness in the present moment.

    The value of this awareness is in how it helps us reach the tipping point, necessary for us to instigate change, that little bit sooner. In fact, without mindfulness, we can live our entire lives, never fully realising the happiness we deserve.

  • With Mindfulness You’re no Longer on a Timer

    Because each and everyone of us has an expiration date, the tendency, consciously or not, is to rush from moment to moment. We rush on to the next thing feeling constantly that time is short. We seek to fulfil our minds addiction to constant stimulation; to satisfy what we think and believe about life. What if we’re wrong? What if there is a different way to think about life? What if our awareness to innate drivings was heightened?

    Once we learn to live in the present, to fully immerse ourselves in what’s happening right now, with no thoughts of what’s next, we remove ourselves from the timer

    We must all learn to slow down, because in our haste, we’re rushing through life never fully experiencing what’s right before our eyes. We’re blindly rushing through every moment. In our forgetfulness (the opposite of mindfulness) we’re following instincts that require very little consciousness. It’s only when we stop, and immerse ourselves in the moment, that we begin to see what life really is. Our purpose can move beyond what instinct dictates.

  • Mastering Loneliness and Fear with Mindfulness

    Fear and loneliness drives self-destructive behaviour when we are unaware or in denial of their existence. When I was afraid and alone much of my fear and loneliness had been self-inflicted. The reasons for why I had driven myself to such a point is irrelevant. All that matters now, is my ability to tell my story, so that someone else may be better prepared.

    Mixed in was a large dose of guilt and this was at the root to my self-destructive behaviour. Even so, if I’d been more aware and ready to accept the existence of a place in between my feelings, I would have been better able to navigate the maze

    Once learned, the art of Meditation will help us to become aware of the nature of mind. Through Meditation – that leads to improved Mindfulness – we can become aware of the scheming mind. Afraid and alone the mind will seek to utilize all the tools it has at its disposal in order to help us survive. Even if this is to push the mind to the point of breakdown.

    As a child, I was shown the off switch of a breakdown. Some years ago, this method of survival was employed. A last resort called on from my limited repertoire.

    In order to escape the horror all around her my sister had a breakdown. The only way I can describe how she seemed is to say it was as if a fuse had blown in her mind. At her worst she would just moan and rock backwards and forwards. I can remember my father shaking her in an attempt to get her to stop. I can see now how terrified he was. Of course all his shaking did was make her moan loader and rock even faster. The off switch initially caused her to exhibit strange, irrational, and delusional behaviour. This defense mechanism has been called on by myself and another member of my family since. A very unpleasant place to be.

    But all of this aside, what my parents failed to realise, at the time of my sisters breakdown, was how their behaviour (fear) was what drove her there in the first place. And so we must equip the mind with the tools that are likely to make things far less traumatic and painful than flicking the off switch. My eldest sister never fully returned.

    When we learn control over our thoughts and feelings, this can be a safe place for us to enter, when we need time to observe the self objectively. To look down at our selves from above

    Now we must get to know our fear and loneliness. We must get to know our selves. When we do this, we offer the mind an opportunity to simply acknowledge these feelings, rather than trying to manage them in a self-destructive fashion. As Thich Nhat Hanh stated: “I hold my face between my hands to keep my loneliness warm”

    So many people fail to see their feelings in this way and so fail to take ownership of them. Instead of this the mind devises a plan using the only tools it has available. And due to this lack so many just flick the off switch. We must educate ourselves to fill the tool box of our minds. More tools equals more choice; more power.

    Learn to Meditate, let this lead to improved Mindfulness, and get to know the self.

  • Easing the Conflict

    I recently heard that there’s something like sixty five conflicts (impossible to confirm, could be more could be less, but you get the point) currently ongoing in the world. That’s right, sixty five! We can easily be indifferent to this through saying: “oh well, that’s just human nature and there’s sod all I can do about it.” And to a degree I would advise doing just that . . . be indifference toward things you can’t possibly have any influence over. However, there is something we can learn for ourselves, through simply being aware of the conflicted nature of our fellow man.

    When we have unrecognized conflict within ourselves this will always need to be expressed in some way. We humans often enjoy witnessing conflict. Be this in wars, soap operas, and politics.

    On a personal level, I remember my mother saying, on several occasions, how arguments “cleared the air.” My mother was a very conflicted person who seemed generally unhappy with the cards she’d been dealt. I feel she often needed an outlet for her frustrations. I wonder now if she imagined herself with a different life to the one she had created? Was this her conflict? It’s certain that constant arguments, with whoever was at hand, had the effect of temporarily easing the anger she felt as a consequence of her conflicted mind.

    Perhaps what she lacked was control over her situation. It is important to bear in mind, we can only effect positive influence over our external environment, once we have full control over the self. Mindful awareness is key.

    The antidote, to easing our troubled minds, is awareness. The need to experience the friction of conflict externally is there because we lack awareness. Acknowledge this.

    When we ask: What do I want? and find the answer to this question to be in opposition to what we’re actually getting, there is obviously discord. We must then find a way to become accepting of our current situation and then plan a peaceful means (draw up a peaceful plan) of getting what we want. It may take time for our plan to come to fruition and acknowledging that time is all we have helps us to become patient. After all it is not the destination that counts.

    Intention, that creates the energy needed for change to happen, is very different to the negative forces created by conflict.

    When we fail to see how conflicted we are, all we’re left with, is a sense of powerlessness. Expressing this through external means (war, arguments, soap operas, politics etc) creates the illusion of power and ultimately keeps us stuck. What’s needed is power over the self and this is gained through awareness. The awareness of our internal conflict. Do those who wage war have power over the self? Are they aware of their internal disputes? They are not.

    There is no conflict, only a short distance between where we are now, and where we want to be in the future.

  • Freedom: How Free are You?

    We humans have such amazing capacity. When at our best we truly are an extraordinary species. We are achieving greatness. With this said, are we clever and extraordinary enough, to set ourselves free? Some of us might well be.

    When I talk of freedom, I’m referring to the ability to reach the core of what we are, and to let all other things go

    We’re all “born with an inclination toward virtue” – Musonius Rufus.         

    What a fabulous belief that is. Acknowledging, that at our root, we are all virtues beings, helps us understand how our experiences, (lived firsthand or witnessed) go on to create the chains we drag around with us all our lives. Those of us who are raised without fear and prejudice are most likely to live a life I would consider free. Let’s face it, though, who of us is raised in such a manner that they are never exposed to fear, prejudice, injustice, hatred, and anger? These things are all around us from the moment we are born. And of course we can’t help but be infected by them.

    The antidote to this comes in the form of how aware we are of these chains

    Imagine each belief we hold – that is borne of fear – creates a link of chains around our ankles. The emotional strength, or bond of each belief, determines how many links each chain has. It doesn’t take much to grasp that the more of these emotionally bound beliefs we hold, the more enslaved we are as a result.

    Very quickly we can gain an understanding of the nature of our beliefs and where they came from

    As a result of understanding the nature of our beliefs, we raise our awareness of the possibility that we’re enslaving ourselves with the heavy chains of those borne of fear. When more of use truly grasps the destructive nature of so many of our prejudicial beliefs (that we’re barely aware of), we will then go on to free ourselves incrementally. Through raising our awareness, stage by stage, we will once again achieve the freedom we were born with.

  • Mindfulness of Anger: A Constructive Force for Good

    I’ve built a beautiful fortress around myself and those I love. And in search of the answer to their confusion, there are unthinking people, who want to penetrate my defenses

    I cannot be an android disassociated from his feelings. As much as I might feel there is an advantage to this, I understand that if I deny my discomfort, pain or suffering, I also deny happiness and pleasure. Anger arises in me when people behave in unthinking ways. Anger arises when people behave in ways towards me – and those I love – that might hurt them or bring them down. Inconsiderate, inappropriate and damn right abusive treatment, causes such rage, it is only mindfulness of my anger, that saves me.

    Mindfulness of my anger enables me to control it and use its power in a constructive fashion

    When I feel my anger rising I take a breath and notice it. I then ask myself:

    What is causing my anger?

    What is at the root of my anger?

    What is my fear?

    Abusive and inconsiderate behavior angers me because I’m fearful. Fearful that I, or someone I love, is being taken advantage of. These attempts are disrespectful. If someone is unable to show me, and those I love respect, then I don’t want those people in my life. Simple.

    The force of anger awards me the strength to rebuild my fortress. But only when I understand through finding the answers to my questions. The key to my freedom, strength and the beauty of my fortress, starts with mindfulness.

    For you, it may not be necessary, or even attractive, to analyse the how and why of peoples behavior. All that’s necessary is the mindfulness of anger: a force to protect us

    Living in the real world means we must be aware of the dangers. We must be streetwise. The only way to protect oneself – in the real world – is awareness of the darker side of human nature. There are people who want to take advantage of you. On the way to the top of their illusions, they will attempt to use you as a stepping stone. There are also people who are simply unaware of how damaging their behavior can be. Mindfulness helps to raise our awareness, ask the right questions of ourselves, and set appropriate boundaries.

  • More Love – A Healthy Requirement

    The ego wants to win because it’s being at the top that’s important. Wise men have told us to control our ego

    Control, through an awareness of the influence of ego, is essential if we’re to gain a true and lasting sense of happiness. The ego isn’t concerned with happiness but only with winning. And as we are often shown even the winners aren’t necessarily happy. The egotistical are often the most troubled of us all. And we mustn’t mistake the desires of the ego with the requirement for more love.

    When we have a clear understanding of what love achieves for us, and what the ego is seeking to achieve, we find our true sense of happiness

    I’ve often found myself confused as to what I’m looking for. I wonder: is this love or my ego? I’m cautious because I’m very aware of the dangers and limitations of my ego driven desires. A competitive nature is all well and good, yet the way to avoid the games and hurt our competitive nature can evoke is, to be able to separate love and ego.

    Love is the listener, love is the kind carer. Ego is the warlord and ego is the player

    So we must focus our attention on the healthy requirement of more love. What must we do to gain this? We must teach it. We must share it. And we must give freely of it. Love gives freely of itself, this is why it endures.

  • My Life Saving Medicine

    Of late I’ve come to recognise how very important my medication is and the importance of taking it daily

    If I want to calmly enjoy each day, and be in command of my words and behaviour, I must remember to take my medication each day. My medicine helps me to remain aware of my nature and how fear and anxiety influences my behaviour. In addition to this, it helps me remain calmly aware of the nature of others and the dangers of allowing adult-children (self-centred people) to manipulate me with their cute and naughty ways. I’ve always been a sucker for allowing children to get the better of me with their naughty, manipulative, tricks.

    It’s important for us adults to be aware of the self-centred nature of adult-children. After all, we’re not doing the child any favours, if we’re failing to set firm boundaries

    And so, time and time again, we must remind ourselves to take our medication, as it’s the minds tendency to draw us back into old patterns of distraction and forgetfulness, as this is where it feels most comfortable. My habit has been to sleepwalk through life. Sleepwalking in respect of my lack of awareness of the self-centred. The self-centred have no concern for your wellbeing whatsoever. Their only concern is for themselves. It could be argued that this is the truth of human nature, however, I would suggest, that once we are grown we have a greater capacity to genuinely concern ourselves with the needs of others. My medicine helps me with this. Sometimes the search for the adults is lengthy.

    You might now ask: What is this wonderful, life saving, medicine?

    Well of course I’m talking about meditation leading to improved mindfulness. In terms of all the above and more, there’s no doubt in my mind, that this is the tool that’s making the difference. I can no longer sleepwalk through life with a lack of awareness. It was this lack that always left me feeling confused, unstable, and downtrodden. My daily dose of meditation continues to help me separate those that have any level of consideration for my needs and wellbeing (adults) from the gameplaying manipulative children (adult-children). You can raise your awareness too. It’s the simplest solution there is and I find the real adults have a far better grip on reality. A better grip on what really matters. And those that only have self-centred concerns tend to be the most destructive.

  • A Great Device for Helping with your Mindfulness Training

    A physical reminder of what exactly you’re supposed to be doing works wonders

    I am a bit of a G-Shock fan and do have a small collection. And as a result of trying out several types of vibrating watches, I’ve come to the conclusion, that the Casio G-Shock GBX-100, is the best at helping with my mindfulness training.

    With the GBX being a smart watch you can link it up to the Casio ‘G-Shock Move’ app and alter all kinds of setting

    You can obviously set alarms and keep the time accurate and this watch also has a useful tide graph that tells you the high and low tide times on any coast line you might choose (I’m a keen open water swimmer so like to know what the tide is doing near me). More than anything though, this watch has a training program that counts down time intervals, with a gentle vibration between each one. As you can see from the image above I currently have this watch set to five minute intervals. After each five minutes, the watch vibrates once and allows the wearer to know when each interval has passed. I find meditating for a total of twenty five minutes each day is sufficient for me. The final alert is more sustained so it’s clear when time is up.

    Mindfulness training never stops being a challenge for some so we must use anything that helps

    The physical vibration every five minutes is very powerful at bringing my mind back to my point of focus. Sometimes, I’m so distracted, that the moment I sit and close my eyes, my mind is off and running like a wild racehorse. I actually forget the reason I’m sitting with my legs crossed on a meditation cushion! The physicality of the vibration reminds me of my purpose so I can then bring my attention back to my chosen point of focus. I get on with my practice and improve my mental fitness.

    If you would like to purchase one of these watches they can be found here (UK) or if you’re on a budget and like my NATO strap conversions (I also include the original strap) and would like help setting up your watch I might – from time to time – have one for sale on my ebay site here! (worldwide delivery). I’ve converted all my GBX-100’s to take NATO straps as I find them much more comfortable than the original.