In the rich man’s house there is no place to spit but his face – Diogenes
I can’t help wondering how superior the rich man feels when he gives to the poor. And here’s the thing; so what? So what if he feels superior? Does his superiority make his money any less valuable to the poor? I doubt it. The needy will take the money and thank you. Superiority and grandeur are only illusions anyway. I’ve met many rich men whose intellect has startled me. It’s obvious to me why rich men are rich. And you can read what you like into those last two comments. Am I criticizing in order to feel superior? Or am I being complementary? You decide.
So if we criticize humanities’ failings in an attempt to highlight important lessons from the past (stupidity in the majority thinking that created the rise in nazism for example) must we be seen as superior? Are we really just looking to get a quick fix from feeling superior through criticism?
Quick fix or not, I don’t think it really matters. We must continue to highlight how certain ways of being or thinking can be dangerous. Is that not the important point? So don’t cancel criticism or superiority there could well be something of great value there within.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect – Mark Twain
We need only look into the recent past to see the evidence of how stupid we humans can be when following the majority. Independent thinking, based on some very simple rules, can often get us out of very tricky situations.
There is enough for everyone. Enough land, enough food, enough money. It can be argued that boarders are necessary. We could say that our growing population needs to be evenly distributed so that a country’s infrastructure can cope. This is common sense. And so if we take the world as a whole, even though we have boarders, resources can easily be distributed among us all. It’s when we fear there not being enough that problems occur. The mentality of: this is mine and that is yours belongs in childhood. We, as a species, are still very much in our infancy.
That said, it is not all of us that remain in our infancy. We could look at an individual such as Bill Gates and say his attitude and philanthropy is a reflection of his maturity
Immediately, there are those who will say, oh well it’s okay for Bill Gates he has more money than he could ever spend. And extreme examples are open to this. However, putting this to one side, if we all took Bill Gates philanthropy as an example, and gave away the same proportion of our income, it wouldn’t amount to that much. But would certainly make a massive difference in terms of how wealth is distributed. All that needs to happen is for us to grow a little so we may lose the same mentality as our children.
Ultimately, all of us are only ever custodians, of what we think of, as our possessions. And this includes land. In time all boarders will change. How will we continue to distribute land as the planet rearranges itself? Something it has done from the very beginning. Do we just fight more wars and continue with the hatred and anger we’re currently experiencing? There will be generation after generation of this. Or will we eventually reach the kind of understandings needed for a long term, peaceful, survival? I would suggest more thinking, away from the majority, is required. You can start today. Can you not? Time to pause and reflect.
If those closest to you cannot adequately consider your needs, or at the very least make allowances for them, what is at the root of this?
By asking the important question of how this makes us feel, we can begin to understand. If others are unable – or just indifferent – to your needs, how does this make you feel? Lonely? Frustrated? Angry? Perhaps all of these emotions occur just on different occasions. From my own perspective, it comes down to the level of my awareness. It all depends on how mindful I choose to be about others’ behaviour. When fully aware, I predominantly feel angry when my needs are disregarded.
And here is the answer: My anger. Others need this if they’re unable to express this themselves. The purpose, or root to the game, of disregarding my needs, is no more complicated than this. In my particular circumstances, once I ask the right questions, I’m able to remind myself of the limitations of those around me. The game of ignoring my needs is being played in order to use my emotions as a tool. This tool can then be used for varying things. Rejection can be an aspect to this.
So, to recap. If others are being inconsiderate to your needs, ask yourself how this makes you feel. Now. Why would others need you to feel this way? To help you? Or as a means of using your emotions to reach a goal of their own?
The key to a more comfortable life and to finding considerate, loving people within it is mindfulness. Become aware of the game. If you remain unaware of how others may be subtly manipulating you or even bullying you, the game is over before you’ve even begun. Without awareness, you’re stuck in a game being played around you that you’re losing. Be mindful and begin to play with a far better hand.
Poor timekeeping is saying: Your time is worth less than mine. You are unimportant. I am important and to help you understand that I’m going to keep you waiting
Other human beings remind me everyday of how unimportant I am. I get it. I’m nothing. About as insignificant as an ant they’ve just stepped on. Although this is the case, when I’m reminded of this through people being late, it isn’t actually at any cost to me. The loss is theirs.
Never be fooled by the excuses. When people are late it’s because they have no respect for your time. What this teaches you is, they have no respect for their own time. In more ways than one, they are not present
And so this is what the individual with poor timekeeping has to teach you. Heed the lessons and gently remove yourself from their lives. I simply have no time for those who don’t respect mind. I remove them from my attention. Done. I can no longer understand a word they say. And as such, I have nothing to offer them. If only they knew how much they’ve lost.
By taking a moment to process the kind of responses people give, can help to ensure the rules or purpose of the game, (it’s always a game) are fully understood
Often, when talking to friends, family and partners, we can neglect to register the nature and true purpose of the interaction. Most importantly, there are times when the interaction has a nefarious root. Responses can be geared so that their effect, if not quickly realised, are unconsciously damaging. Subtle gaslighting if you will. Always slow and consider any potential hidden agenda when interacting with other game players.
It may not be possible to read the true purpose of the interaction first time. No matter. Just acknowledge how the conversation or questions make you feel. In this way the next time you’ll be ready to play the game differently
Consider something as simple as giving your opinion on how something looks. It may be that the true intention (unconscious intention) is to ultimately dismiss your opinions as worthless. Are you being lead to feel that your opinion will help to ease someone’s indicisiveness only for this to then be ignored? Does this happen often? Be aware of the game and learn how gaslighting in this way can be played to give others a harmful advantage. Harmful, because ultimately, it’s psychologically damaging. Once you’re aware (mindful), of their fear based advantage, it becomes neutralised. Your love based gameplay can come into force when you gently point out your awareness of their intention. They will of course deny any nefarious intention and this, once again, is just gameplay. Be aware.
In this reality, he sat next to the bed of the dying child and told her all about heaven. In an alternate reality, he told her this . . .
We all die. Some die sooner than others. It is nature or circumstances that decide this. And it’s true that you will never see me again but that’s okay. Okay, because of what I’m about to tell you.
There are many different elements that have made you who you are. Those elements, or parts, were already here before you were born. When you die, your body returns to the earth. All that you are is recycled and used again. You become the grass, the trees, and the blue sky. You, my love, will go everywhere. You will be in everything and that everything will be here for as long as there is a universe. And how long will the universe live? Longer than our minds can conceive of.
Which reality we live in is, of course, a choice. If we chose a reality based on fantasy, what is this life? Is our life something vague and filled with conflict and denial? Are we wrapping ourselves in cotton wool created by lies? Facing the truth means experiencing the stark realities of life. And those realities, although sharp and focused, are the truth of a beautiful life
When we have the courage to face our suffering and talk to our children with truths, only then will we live in a world that knows how to escape the madness. Always be mindful of the truth, and that way, you will find truth in everything. Love. Loss. Joy. Sadness. Life. Everything becomes clear. Life and death are beautiful then.
I imagine that even my mentor – a man who I remember as being like a dog with a bone – would possibly tell me that pursuing further answers, to the particular puzzle I’m going to discuss, is pointless. He might say: forget this now. And potentially, after this final reckoning, I will. The issue will drift away to the place where it belongs; the past. Forgotten. Gone.
In the meantime, as much for my benefit than anyone else’s, I’m going to discuss tinnitus. Yeap, that persistent, concoction of unnatural sounds, my brain insists on producing. And I’m certainly not alone with this issue
On this occasion, my story begins with last night, and my thoughts and feelings at the time. For the last week or so my partner has been visiting relatives in a far flung land: Florida. As our home is in the UK Florida is some distance away and in fact it’s the furthest we’ve been apart for nearly eighteen years. I accepted last night that I feel anxious about this and other things besides. One of these other things involves my partners safety. She sent me a picture of the boat she intends on travelling along the Peace River in. Even though, as the name would suggest, Peace River is, in general, very calm and still I was worried. What worried me was the look of the boat she’ll be travelling in. To me it looked a bit on the flimsy side and the engine was far too big for the size of the boat. Seeing this I became anxious. As a result, last night, I began compiling WhatsApp messages spelling out my concerns. I didn’t send them. Thankfully. Instead, I pondered on what exactly I was doing. I became mindful of my intentions.
Eventually I fell asleep and woke this morning feeling lighter, happier, and tinnitus was quieter
What I came to realise, before falling asleep, was how fearful I was for my partner and myself. I was anxious about something I had absolutely no control over whatsoever. I decided to trace this back. Along with the awareness of my fear I was reminded of how often I was made to feel responsible for the safety of others during my childhood.
There is no doubt that feeling responsible for other members of my family as a child was anxiety inducing. No child should be made to feel responsible for anything other than their pet hamster. For me this wasn’t the case. With this burden came the coping mechanism of noise. Noise during childhood was used as a release for my parents fear as well as a means of escape for me. Loud noise, has, during the course of my life, been used as a distraction from my anxiety. The end result is I’ve irreversibly damage my hearing. My hearing is damaged but this doesn’t mean that tinnitus has to be the end result. The end result can in fact be quiet. A quiet I’ve come to understand my mind has been seeking for a very long time.
I’m unsure if I’ve ever understood this before or if I’ve conveniently forgotten and need to remind myself. No matter. What matters is that I now become increasingly mindful of how fear (anxiety) for myself and/or others, is recognised for what it is: Unnecessary. Others must be responsible for their own safety. And my fears must be seen for what they are: Unfounded and unnecessary
I think up until now I’ve been pinning tinnitus on many other things. Stress being one of them. However, I realise that stress is never really anything I’ve had issue with. Some stress (eustress) has it’s uses. I feel now, that I’ve been looking everywhere else (and I do mean everywhere), except the very place I needed to.
This place is called fear. A place of fear. Whether this be fear of loss – which ultimately transcribes as fear of the absolute distress I would suffer if any harm came to those I love. Or it’s a fear for the well being of others. As a side note, it is this sense of responsibility, that has caused me to reject so many people in my life. It is the reason I have no children. In reality I carry no responsibility for others at all.
If, in the future I experience extreme tinnitus I must ask myself: What exactly am I anxious about? Could this question help you in some way?
Lets face it. The real fear, most of us harbor, is that of suffering. None of us want to suffer. It is this fear we must all look very deeply at. Potentially looking deeply at this, and welcoming a little self-induced suffering (hunger would be a good example), will lift us all exponentially. Fear can be self-fulfilling and if we, as a species, aren’t very careful, the fear of suffering unnecessarily will become a very painful reality.
I’m happy to report that my partner, Julia, is now safely off the boat. I can see a picture of her sitting by the family pool holding a beer. Lucky girl!!
It may seem like a contradiction to say we must be mindful of the future
We are told that mindfulness involves being present moment focused. This is true. We can be mindful of the moment and everything that’s happening right now. In this way our focus of attention helps us to extract all there is from what we’re experiencing right now. Without judgement it doesn’t matter what we are in fact doing. We might be doing something as mundane as washing up and yet as long as there is no judgement, and the mind is focused now, all is well. If whilst washing up, we’re thinking and feeling we’d rather be somewhere else, then we will rush and become frustrated at what will soon feel like a chore.
When we add the importance of mindfulness to our physical well being, and not just our mental fitness, we gain on many levels
I’m going to talk here about food. Oh yes a favourite subject for many. And rightfully so. Gaining pleasure from food is to be encouraged. Certainly something that I can relate to here, is the importance of recognising when the pleasure of eating has drifted out of mindfulness, and into forgetfulness. There are times when we become forgetful. Forgetful of what we understand. Most of us understand that the pleasure from eating can become something used as a coping mechanism. We feel sad or depressed and eating can change this. In particular sugar. The effects of sugar can lift our feelings. Or alternatively, perhaps we regularly become lost in the present moment of pleasure and forget our future health.
That’s right, lost in the present moment of pleasure we can forget how we’re eating and it’s possible effects on the future. Not only must we be mindful of the present, pleasurable experience of eating, we mustn’t get lost in this. Also remaining aware of the control valve we call self-discipline will pay dividends for the future.
We can eat too much. What stops, those who have a healthy relationship with food, overeating? I would suggest it’s exactly what I’ve just laid out. A mindfulness of how a present moment activity can effect the future. We’re mindful of cause and effect. The control valve of self-discipline is governed by an awareness of the dangers of overeating.
I’m aware that if I carry on with my addiction to sugar it will shorten my life
I’m pretty keen on the idea of living a long life. And not just that. I’m keen on living a long and healthy life. As odd as the saying sounds: I’d like to die well. From this moment on, I must continue to be aware of the pleasure of eating, and at the same time, be aware of healthy limits. 30 grams of sugar a day to be exact. Lets all be mindful of our limits. And whilst enjoying the pleasure of the present moment, also remain mindful of how to live a long, and healthy life.
When I ask myself if I have any enemies the answer immediately comes back that I don’t
As a child I had plenty of enemies. Some of them were the adults I encountered and some of them were kids of the same age. Now that I’m grown, I suppose I could still class those people who would like to take advantage of me, as enemies. And yet, ultimately, it’s only me that allows others to take advantage. I’m old enough, with plenty of life skills and experience behind me, to be fully able – when mindful of others – to easily defend myself against this. As such ,they’re not really enemies.
So this brings me to the realisation that if I have any enemies at all it’s me! I am my own worst enemy
As an adult it’s my forgetfulness that’s my real enemy. My forgetfulness to remain vigilant of my own thinking. It is my judgments, thinking, beliefs and opinions (borne from these beliefs), that create the enemy within. By remembering (being mindful) of impartiality, and where appropriate, indifference to the behaviour of other human beings, I cease the negativity that we all tend to be bias toward.
In the grand scheme of things none of us have true enemies. Even as a child, if I’d been equipped to think differently, many of my enemies could well have become dear friends
War-mongers are those who are at war with themselves. There is no peace within the minds of those who choose to wage war. Their suffering will always become as great, if not greater, than those they wage war against. All that remains for us to do now is become aware of our own thinking. To become more aware of the beliefs that drive our thinking. To be aware of the unthinking behaviours that are the result of our conditioning. Only then will we have peace.
It’s dusty in the quadrant. The queue at the tuck shop is never very long. I can buy my sweets quickly. Sweets in hand, happier now
Anxious but never really understanding why. Sweets have always helped change something. I’ve never really understood what. It’s the process of taking something away that has helped me understand my addiction. My total lack of control over myself and my need for sugar. I took away my illusion and my addiction got worse. So, the answer, has been to recognise my illusion – as an illusion – and then understand my need for it. I need the illusion of inclusion because this makes me feel less afraid; less alone. I’ve decided to keep the illusion because I feel happier and healthier with it. I feel less need for sugar. I feel in control. This is most surly a paradox of immense proportion. Is it not the case that illusions are a sign of my mind out of control?
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because there is no difference between illusion and reality. No difference at all as far as the mind is concerned
What does matter is that I’m mindful of what I need to do to be happy and healthy. My illusion of inclusion – that there are some people out there who love me and value what I say – is important for me to be less afraid and to feel in control of my sugar addiction. My illusion of inclusion keeps me sane. I’m in control. Happy with my illusion. And so thankful of my minds ability to cure me of my crippling loneliness. You are there as far as my mind is concerned and that is all that matters. I must be mindful that my illusions are not likely to do me or anyone else harm. And now you ease my suffering beautiful mind.
Practising Mindfulness 