Practising Mindfulness

Category: Personal and Professional Development

  • Work More Efficiently With Less Stress

    Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

    Do you find yourself always late for appointments? Do you feel your work is overly demanding? Is there never enough time? Is your work/life balance out of kilter?

    If the answer is yes to any of those questions, attendance on a Meditation to Mindfulness Workshop will begin the process of change. You can work more efficiently. You can redress your work/life balance. You can ease the demands placed upon you.

    The greater control we have over our minds, the better able we are, at managing our time.

    In order to use powerful tools safely and effectively, we often need proper training. You wouldn’t put an angle grinder into the hands of someone who didn’t have an appreciation of how best to use its power

    The simplest solutions are always the most powerful

    Consider a pair of scissors. Two moving parts. Two pivoted sharp blades. Simple and effective. We can trace back over thousands of years to when scissors were first developed. They’ve changed very little in their design over all this time. That’s because their design is near enough perfect and can’t be broken down any further in its simplicity. However, don’t be fooled into thinking simple is easy.

    If the blades on scissors aren’t sharpened properly, they won’t cut as they should. If the pivot is too tight or too loose, they won’t cut properly. A really good pair of scissors can work out fairly expensive and for good reason.

    For this reason, simple tools must be respected. An appreciation of how challenging it can be to invent simple, powerful tools that work effectively awards them great value. What we undervalue we often dismiss as useless. In this respect, always be guarded at what you give away for free. In the process of your philanthropy, you’ll be diminishing the power of what you give away. We only have to think of how money is often undervalued when very little effort has been expended to get it.

    I will be running my Meditation to Mindfulness Workshops from September this year

    We never run with scissors. We use this tool slowly and respectfully. The same applies to tools that develop the mind. We use them slowly and respectfully. In this way, we can fully appreciate the power of simple.

  • Qualified with Courage

    A long time ago, I was told that you never really qualify in the world of self-development

    When we consider who might be better qualified to teach us any form of self-development, what do we look for? Can an individual who can’t paint teach us how to paint? I feel that if someone has an interest in teaching us how to paint, it would be because they wanted to know how to do this themselves. It’s said that in order to be good at something, we must teach others how first. The question is: If we lack a certain skill ourselves, might we fall down in our ability to confidently impart our knowledge? I imagine it to be very difficult for the self-centred to teach self-awareness.

    Just because we might lack the ability to do a certain something ourselves doesn’t mean we lack the knowledge of the processes involved in achieving it. Even if we can’t do something ourselves, we can still teach the theory of what we must do

    We must remember: knowing the theory doesn’t mean we actually understand it, though. We can talk about quantum mechanics and not have a clue how exactly little things influence the large. However, the teacher who has a deep understanding of their subject is far more likely to have students who go on to become masters. As the saying goes, he can talk the talk and walk the walk.

    Self-discipline

    It must follow then that someone who lacks self-discipline will struggle to impart how others can also achieve this. It’s far more effective to be taught how to give up alcohol by someone who has experienced its limiting nature and is now teetotal as a result. Further still, seeking to be a less self-centred adult begins when we’re able to recognise this limiting trait in others. Often, self-centeredness, by it’s very nature, inhibits the sufferer to see anything at all outside of themselves.

    And so in my view, the teacher is ready when he has the confidence to help students understand how it feels to walk in the shoes of a self-centred, undisciplined human.

    This confidence is gained when he can remain hungry and fearful and simply see these things as something to endure. A period of endurance is then followed by the prize of the awareness of courage. For it takes courage to be a human in full command of the self. With this, any individual can change their world for the better.

  • If you’re able to remain focused for forty minutes . . .

  • Mindful of the Game #4

    How useful would it be if we were able to recognize instantly what the intentions of those we meet really are?

    It is human nature for people to work hard to get what they want. Let’s say a couple have made some small alterations to their new home. These alterations have unfortunately left a hole in the wood flooring. This flooring was fairly new and had been paid for by the previous owners a few years ago. The new owners have pondered over how they can resolve the situation and discovered that the floor had been laid by a local company. It makes sense for them to approach this flooring company and get the hole fixed.

    It’s quite possible these home owners know they’ve made a mistake in moving fixed items that the flooring has been laid around. A kitchen sink in this example

    They’re uncertain on several counts: Firstly, the flooring company aren’t necessarily going to be interested in a small job such as this. And secondly, they can’t be sure if the flooring company does repair or restoration work. And so with this in mind, the couple approach the flooring company with a certain strategy.

    They’re going to tell the guy behind the desk what’s going to happen. They’re going to effectively bully the companies representative into conceding that the company has some kind of moral obligation to fix their mistake. They’re going to tell the representative how easy it’s all going to be and how it really isn’t going to be any trouble to the company at all. They do in fact suspect it will be the direct opposite of this.

    Fixing a hole, in tongue and groove flooring, is anything but a simple job. The wood needs to be matched. A small quantity of wood needs to be found (flooring manufactures do not supply in small amounts). And a carpenter will need to lift surrounding flooring and cut new pieces to fit. All of this takes time and money, but according to the customer, it’s an easy inexpensive quick job.

    The manipulative and bullying home owners have succeeded in getting a surveyor from the flooring company to spend time and energy assessing the job. There is a feeling of resentment being felt by the company representatives

    Consider how the situation would be if the representative had quickly established and understood the manipulative, bullying tactics being used. He would have been able to instantly play the game to his advantage. He could have answered their initial inquiry by stating that the company doesn’t engage with restoration or repair work. Restoration and repair work is a whole different thing to supplying and fitting new flooring. No fear of confrontation would have also helped the representative assert the best interests of the company.

    The answer here is mindfulness. We must all be mindful of how we get our needs met. If we want to ensure there is no resentment being felt; that any engagement with our fellow man is amicable and peaceful, it is important to be respectful to all parties. It is possible to play the game so that we all win. Mindfulness would have shown the home owners that moving the kitchen sink was a very bad idea. They wouldn’t have needed to bully or manipulate anyone as a result of not damaging the floor in the first place.

    We must ask: In what way are the manipulative bullies of the world destroying peace and stability, simply as a result of not thinking things through? Mindfulness, on the part of the representative, to the nature of the couples tactics,would have equipped him to deal with it in a way that left no resentment. He wouldn’t be left feeling resentful if he’d been better able to assert the companies standpoint. We must act without fear and at the same time be respectful of the needs of all.

  • Mindful of the Game

    By taking a moment to process the kind of responses people give, can help to ensure the rules or purpose of the game, (it’s always a game) are fully understood

    Often, when talking to friends, family and partners, we can neglect to register the nature and true purpose of the interaction. Most importantly, there are times when the interaction has a nefarious root. Responses can be geared so that their effect, if not quickly realised, are unconsciously damaging. Subtle gaslighting if you will. Always slow and consider any potential hidden agenda when interacting with other game players.

    It may not be possible to read the true purpose of the interaction first time. No matter. Just acknowledge how the conversation or questions make you feel. In this way the next time you’ll be ready to play the game differently

    Consider something as simple as giving your opinion on how something looks. It may be that the true intention (unconscious intention) is to ultimately dismiss your opinions as worthless. Are you being lead to feel that your opinion will help to ease someone’s indicisiveness only for this to then be ignored? Does this happen often? Be aware of the game and learn how gaslighting in this way can be played to give others a harmful advantage. Harmful, because ultimately, it’s psychologically damaging. Once you’re aware (mindful), of their fear based advantage, it becomes neutralised. Your love based gameplay can come into force when you gently point out your awareness of their intention. They will of course deny any nefarious intention and this, once again, is just gameplay. Be aware.

  • Finding Positive Motivators in Life

    Image by ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay

    “I have nothing to prove and no reason to compete” he said. And I wondered what got him out of bed in the mornings

    I decided to explore what he said, after all, he was up and about. I sometimes think there’s a danger to self-examination. That’s to say, looking to closely, at what motivates us. We can end up thinking that what motivates us is a negative. And when we remove that we start to struggle with finding the positives. Or a least finding positive motivators, that do actually get us out of bed, so to speak. I feel this is ever more prevalent when it’s been negative motivators that we’ve been working off all our lives. Needing to be liked, or loved, or approved of – being good examples. And yet, isn’t it these things that motivate most of us, most of the time?

    So what can we see as a true, positive, motivator? Could this simply be love of life and what we do with it?

    For the above to be true and sufficient to motivate us, I feel we do need reminding, occasionally, of what fundamental and essential aspects of life we must focus on. That being, the extraordinary nature, of life itself. The absolutely, magical reality, that we are here living, right now. That we, humans (and all life), are the children of a star only because that star has been stable for billions of years. That the exact position we are from this star – and that we have a stabilizing moon – mean the conditions for life, and for it to have had sufficient time to evolve, have been just right.

    All of this means we are extremely rare. My personal opinion is that we may represent the only intelligent life in the galaxy. And that this brings a certain responsibility with it. The responsibility to actually live this life, to the best of our abilities, moment by moment. Is it the case, as suggested by people far more intelligent than I, that it’s our existence that gives meaning to the universe?

    Mindfulness is certainly key to carrying this responsibility successfully

    Can being reminded of the above facts (raising our awareness to them), be sufficient to get us out of bed, when we have nothing to prove, and no reason to compete? How about when we have no one to please except ourselves? I reckon I’ll meditate on all of these points tomorrow. How about you?

  • Live Moment to Moment and it’s Easy

    For all time I’ve wanted my life to feel easy and it’s been anything but . . .

    Until now. Until now because I choose to be present. Being absolutely present, in this moment, with no thoughts of the past or the future, or forming any judgments of anything whatsoever, means life is flowing and simple. Just flowing from one moment to the next.

    At times I’m left wondering, is it really this simple? Can life really be so pleasant? Without concern for the future, or guilt and regret of the past, it can. I mindfully remind myself what is required:

    NO JUDGMENT OF ANYTHING There is no right or wrong. Everything is unfolding as it should. Everything.

    THE PAST IS PART OF THE PRESENT What happened in the past happened in order to bring you to this place now. Wiser, calmer, stronger, and closer to acceptance of who you truly are (wholeness)

    THE FUTURE WILL UNFOLD AS IT WILL NO MATTER WHAT You can seek to influence the future and your energy will be wasted. Instead, stop your vain attempts to control events and/or people. Conserve your energy for improved alertness and awareness of the present moment now.

    Whenever life’s challenges feel disproportionate and I feel like I’m suffering I must remind myself of the above

    It’s said that suffering is a choice and it can take a very long time to understand this. Being predominantly present and mindful of thoughts and actions brings this into sharp focus. Suffering is created through a lack of awareness. When we are unaware of how we’re creating our suffering it continues. The cessation of suffering occurs when we see how our thoughts and actions generate it. And yes, it really is this simple. So simple, in fact, that it can take a lifetime to realise it.

    Cease suffering, and believe life can be beautiful, through learning mindfulness through meditation. And then all we must do is practice.

    “Of course you have a right to suffer but as practitioners you do not have the right to not practice” – Thich Nhat Hanh

  • The Mindfulness Tool

    If it hasn’t happened already there will come a time when you’ll try and do a job without the correct tools

    In a sense much of the troubles we encounter in life can be down to using the wrong tools or not sufficiently developing the correct ones. I recently decided to replace the front suspension on my car. All was well until I tried to tighten a particular nut. In order to tighten it sufficiently, it became apparent, that a particular tool was required. I had no idea this tool even existed until I researched it. I knew the centre spindle – of what I was tightening the nut onto – needed securing in some way, but had no way of doing it. I’d worked out how it could be done, but knew of no tool on the market that would be up to the job. I searched the internet and discovered the tool required was called a ‘go through ratchet.’

    Put simply, it enables you to place an alum key through the centre of the ratchet – to hold a spindle still – whilst tightening the nut. A very simple solution that you’d have no idea existed until you took some time to research it. And without the proper tightness on this nut all sorts of problems can arise. From an annoying rattle, to parts wearing out much quicker than they should. You wouldn’t believe the satisfaction I’ve receive from finding the correct tool, that makes a job not just possible, but effortless.

    There are several tools required before you’ll be able to improve you’re level of mindfulness. The first is patience and the second is meditation. Without patience, meditation will be unpleasant, and without meditation, mindfulness will never be fully achieved

    I would suggest the first tool to attain is patience. The tool of patience does come with time, however, no matter how old a person might become they may never learn patience. I believe we develop the tool of patience when we become less fearful. All we need do is ask: How is it I’m in such a rush? What is my frustration? How is it I lack understanding?

    Perhaps compassion will also help us with patience. Yes, we must have understanding and compassion. We must also have very little fear; whether that be a fear of loss, a fear of not being understood – or whatever our fear might be – that’s causing our lack of patience.

    When it comes to meditation, our lack of patience, might be the result of our unwillingness to work as hard as is required to become effective

    Another interesting thing to consider is our self-belief. Do we believe we’re capable. If we lack self-belief this can lead to us trying to use the wrong tools (Meditation/Mindfulness apps?). In addition, attempting to do a job without the proper tools can be a symptom of these kind of beliefs: I always get things wrong. I find things too difficult. I lack patience.

    How will we ever develop patience if we believe something is too difficult. Believing things are beyond our ability will cause us to lose patience and give up.

    For me to complete the job I set out to do, I needed to firstly take a breath, and then use the tool of patience to gain a better understanding, of what I was attempting to do. All I was finding, without the correct tool, was frustration and anger. Now I have the tools and understanding I can finish the job and revel in the feelings of satisfaction that will come with this.

    The degree of mindfulness we achieve will be determined by our mental fitness. Mental fitness is improved through meditation. Meditation becomes a pleasant activity once we have the tool of patience at our disposal. So remember:

    • The tool of patience comes when we are fearless and have understanding and compassion toward ourselves and each other
    • Meditation becomes a pleasant activity once we have patience in our toolbelt
    • Our level of mindfulness is improved through the mental fitness regular meditation awards us

  • Life: A Journey of Self-discovery

    We humans have climbed the highest mountains, dived to the deepest depths of the oceans, and travelled to the moon and back. And all of us are on the most important journey of all: The Journey Home

    On many occasions over the last twenty five years I’ve asked myself this question: How am I doing this? And a very recent revelation for me was the understanding, that it is only when I take full responsibility, for how I create all my joys, sadness, anguish and suffering, will I be better able to control my internal environment. And it is this environment that matters. I have no control over external factors. From the behaviour of others, to the time and date of expected arrivals, these things are in the wind.

    When I fully accept that it is me deciding all matters, whether good, bad, health or ill-health, painful or comforting, I am empowered to change things

    As I go through my day, there are times when I feel my stress levels change. I live with impaired hearing and tinnitus. Through accepting that it is me creating tinnitus I’m empowered to make a choice. I can either suffer or delve into understanding the mechanism behind the issue. I can seek to understand how I increase or decrease my stress levels. This goes for all of us. We can ask ourselves the very same question: How am I doing this? Some might feel offended that I should suggest that we’re all creating our own problems. They might say: “How dare you suggest I’m creating my illness. How dare you suggest I’m choosing to suffer”

    And for those who feel this way, it would be useful to question what being a victim to your problems is doing for you. This is a very important question. I could easily go through the rest of my life feeling like a victim to circumstances. I could continue to blame my past. I’ve spent far too much time doing this already. It hasn’t got me anywhere. The only thing that has succeeded at helping me move forward, and enjoy my life, is the increased awareness of how I must think and act in order to help myself feel happier.

    Through looking deeply into the issue of tinnitus I now understand the link between the condition and fear

    As a child I often felt humiliated. I remember being placed in a remedial class in junior school and I understand the long lasting effects of this. Throughout my life I’ve had a deep fear of looking stupid; of seeming stupid to others. I developed the belief: I am stupid. The first means of attacking my misconceptions and limiting beliefs was to ask: Why does it matter what other people think? And of course it doesn’t. However, the cause of this thinking, comes down to my own habit of judging others. The cure to this is mindfulness of thoughts. Very simple.

    The second means of attack is to consider the consequences of the belief : I look stupid to others. On asking myself what the consequences have been, my mind has shown me many occasions, when my behaviour has been appalling. I’ve actively humiliated myself – and made myself feel stupid to others – so many times I’ve lost count. The flipside of this is to be very controlled and uptight, for fear of making mistakes, and again, looking stupid. This is the power of beliefs. We will actively find ways to fulfil them. Once aware of how we do this, it stops.

    I can easily see the connection between deafness and stupidity. Something that was very prevalent during my early years and perhaps still is today. Are you deaf or stupid? was the question. Some people often connect deafness with stupidity. This was certainly taught to me as a child. And so through this type of questioning and analysis I can clearly see that deafness is a symptom of my belief. I have unconsciously, unknowingly, damaged my very sensitive hearing during my life and there is no going back from this. Tinnitus is connected to how hard I’m straining to hear people. It creates stress and stress worsens the condition.

    And so the cure is firstly to stop judging people (so I stop feeling judged myself). What does it matter what people thing? It doesn’t matter. Why should it? It mattered as a child because it reflected on my schooling. What people thing now is irrelevant. They have no right to judge me. I’m doing the best of my abilities and always have done. The second aspect of the cure is to stop straining to hear people. If I can’t hear them, it doesn’t matter. Sound is often overrated, there are many ways to communicate. At work I no longer ask someone their details, I get them to write it down. I also explain that I’m hearing impaired and seek to shift the onus onto them. We all want to help someone with a disability so people will want to help me understand them. We all want to be understood do we not?

    The most important journey is the one we make in finding ourselves. The sooner the journey starts, the better.

    For help and advice with your own journey you can contact me here: andrew@freedmancollege.org

  • Good Consequences of Awareness

    Just as it should be I’m looking to focus on the positive consequences of awareness. Initially, increased awareness can seem negative, and indeed we can’t have one without the other, however, the initial negatives are overtaken by the good, allow me to explain

    Some time ago I was sitting in a meeting of managers headed by myself. I was introducing myself; singing my praises and generally bulling myself up before my audience. I was telling these nine managers all about how successful I’d been at varies points during my working life to date. It wasn’t long before one of these managers pipped up: “It seems you’ve been very successful at everything you’ve done!” she said. I instantly understood this as a sarcastic dig at my egotistical rant, and rightly so. My response probably wasn’t as she expected, I simply said, yes, I have, and this is something I want for you guys too.

    Whatever you set out to achieve give it your all and never give up

    Once drawn to the discipline of meditation it became my aspiration to gain the most from it. Mindfulness or increased awareness is the consequence of regular meditation. There are then consequences to this improved awareness and there is one in particular I’d like to talk about today. That of emotions.

    Of late I’ve noticed more of my emotions seem very close to the surface

    The overriding emotion, I’m accustomed to being at the surface the majority of the time, has been anger. I know how this connects to my past and I understand the associated fear and it’s awareness that has shown me this. Now that the anger is beginning to dissipate, many other emotions have begun to surface. The best way to describe it is to say: I’ve come home to myself. I’ve begun to feel more human; more in touch with myself and my emotions. Another thing that’s there is a lot of sadness and regret. The regret is something I’m dealing with, and as far as sadness is concerned, I can ease this in one major way: filter what I expose my mind to.

    In the past I’ve talked a lot about the media and the importance of filtering what you expose yourself to. The danger of overexposure is the numbing effect. We become indifferent

    It could be said indifference to the human condition has its uses. If we become bogged down with the suffering, the media tells us about every day, it can be counterproductive. So, if we want to help, rather than becoming indifferent, I feel it’s far better to accept that we live in a troubled world and then simply switch the news off. It’s unnecessary to remind oneself of this every day. That said, I know switching off the news is very difficult. Much like sorting my addictions to alcohol, nicotine and sugar (that last one still lingers) switching of my addiction to the news has proved very tricky. I find now though, as a result of my improved awareness – of the present moment – watching the news has become damaging. It’s bringing me down. I can’t be indifferent whilst also being aware. What I can and must do now is make the decision to switch it off and find something else to do.

    The good consequences of awareness is how much more human we become

    All manner of things become brighter and more pleasurable once we’re aware. Aware, it can feel like a shroud has been lifted from your head. It’s as if a level of depression, that you didn’t even realise was there, has been lifted. I’m left wondering how many of us are walking around mildly numb. How many of us, in order to survive, have pushed our awareness and emotions down below the surface? Breath in now, come up for air, it’s time to wake up. It may seem difficult to begin with, but if we don’t do this now, most of us will go to our graves never really experiencing how it feels to be fully alive.