Category: Personal and Professional Development
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All the things to Cultivate
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com Does the condition of being human make it hard to cultivate the following?
- Love
- Compassion
- Generosity
- Empathy
- Kindness
- Gentleness
- Understanding
- Acceptance
What I find fascinating is, it’s the very condition of being human, that would have prevented me from seeking more of these things as a younger man.
In fact, I wouldn’t have had a reason, to seek these things. The methods taught me to survive and cope with the madness were working. For so long, I’ve been wrapped up in the western world’s belief in what form happiness should take, and how to find it.
Perhaps, now that you are reading this, you’re ready to cultivate the things that really matter in life. If not, there’s every chance it will be a while, before you come back here. Don’t leave it too long.
The most powerful way of helping others to live with less pain and suffering is to be the very example of what we seek to cultivate
If you’re ready to find more of these things, and would like to become a shinning example to others, this podcast is a good place to start. Be clear: there is no suggestion that we should all become Buddhist monks. No. The suggestion is that we begin to listen, and become further examples, of those who believe, not just in the power of love and compassion, but in all the things to cultivate.
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Centered
Some time ago if I’d heard someone describe themselves as ‘centered’ I wouldn’t have considered them as a serious contender, however, I now know, this was because I had a very poor understanding of what it meant to feel this way
It was only last night that I found myself wondering how to describe a certain state of mind. If anything, the way I felt, was a sort of non-feeling. And so today’s post is in response to last night’s state of mind.
Being centered is to be exactly as the word would imply: in the centre. And last night I neither felt happy or sad, satisfied or dissatisfied, comfortable or uncomfortable, I was simply somewhere in between. I had no opinions on anything one way or another. I was centered.
We must understand how this is a useful place to become familiar with, so that we may return to it, during stressful times
We are emotional beings and these emotions are a very necessary part of us. The trick, of course, is to be in control of these emotions through being mindfully aware of the thoughts that drive them. When this is the case, we can hone and direct our passions, in a way that is controlled and at its most efficient. It’s when we act impulsively, without direction and planning, that things can go wrong. Being centered helps us to act in a calm and rational way. So if you want to be a serious contender, mindfulness, is key.
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Don’t Think This is Important?
New shoes, now that’s important, isn’t it? Although have you worn out the old one’s yet? Perhaps they’re looking a bit tatty, and we do want to look our best, don’t we? So yes, new shoes, of course that’s important.
And what about that new jacket, phone, furniture, house, flooring, decor, car, job, holiday, partner, neighbourhood etc. Are they important too?
This post might initially be seen as an attempt to moralise; to tell you all about the path of righteousness; to tell you how you should or shouldn’t be living. It is not.
However, it is an attempt to raise awareness of the issue of priorities. What are your priorities, and are they best placed for ease of mind, happiness, and fulfilment?
Many people are fortunate enough to come to an early, clear understanding of the importance that must be placed on mindfulness. This is to say they’ve been fortunate enough to have reached an understanding, well before too much of their lives, have been spent reaching out and grasping for what’s next.
We must, of course, plan. If we didn’t, nothing would be achieved. Nevertheless, there is a big difference between planning and continually wanting.
Through our desire, we consider what we want to happen or experience next, and the mind then formulates a plan. Provided we then switch our attention back into the present moment and have the mental fitness to remain there predominantly, all is well.
With this in mind, it’s surprising how the people we might consider to be ‘living the dream’ aren’t actually living it. Amongst others, it was Gary Barlow, when talking about his past, who said how he wished he’d spent more time enjoying what was actually happening now, rather than thinking about what comes next.
And so in response to my appeal, consider mindfulness. Right now, it may not seem important, and that’s because your mind . . . isn’t . . . ‘right now.’
Be completely aware of what’s happening now and realise for yourself that unless your mind is predominantly in the present, you’re not actually fully alive. And if being fully alive in the present is uncomfortable, it’s your minds ability to be ‘elsewhere,’ that’s stopping you from making the necessary changes.
Live your life to the fullest by learning how to improve your level of awareness. You’ll be surprised by how much time and effort it actually takes to improve this. Provided, of course, your priorities are correctly placed.
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Perseverance
Whatever it is you want, regardless of knock-backs, difficulties, or circumstances, perseverance is the quality always required in order to succeed
We might ask the deeper question: What is required for us to have perseverance? Is this a quality some just naturally have, or is it something acquired? I feel there is a certain recipe that will help us here.
Firstly, we must have passion. We must want the desired outcome passionately. Secondly, we must be able to keep the mind present and focused on the desired outcome. Dwelling on past failures is the fire, which turns perseverance to ashes.
It really is a matter of ensuring our improvement isn’t hampered with thoughts of past performance. Be it a frame of snooker, a game of tennis, or gaining a qualification, dwelling on the last frame, game, or test will distract from the mater in hand: Winning.
We humans love to win. We know that in order to win, we must be better than all the rest. Yes, we need natural talent. Nevertheless, no matter how much natural talent we possess, believing we can simply win without perseverance and practice leads to disappointment.
We have to continually put the past where it belongs and keep going, on and on, regardless of how we might feel or whatever circumstances we might be facing. This is perseverance.
Unless dealt with, limiting aspects of the past can be an echo that never fades
Recognizing how the past can unconsciously influence the present is most certainly a skill we can learn. Briefly examining limiting behaviour is key. We must ask: How do I continue to replicate mistakes of the past?
As odd as it might sound, understanding how we failed at our goals in the past can help us to eliminate unconscious limitations in the now.
The unconscious mind will persevere in whatever direction it is focused. We must ensure it is correctly focused. Our beliefs come into play here, and perseverance is required if we’re to question and change them. Once the past is dealt with, limiting beliefs removed and unfinished business concluded, we’re better able to direct the energy of our perseverance with the correct focus: Upward and onward.
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Find the Peace Within – Retrospection and Introspection
It might seem very simplistic, and perhaps a little clichéd to say: we create a peaceful world once we find peace within ourselves. Even so, what if this were true?
What exactly do we have to lose through seeking this peace from within? If our world becomes peaceful as a result, we’ll all be grateful for the effort and if nothing happens, there’s nothing’s lost.
If we were to follow some eastern teachings about finding peace within, we’d be told that using the word effort, is wrong. We’d be led into a world of symbolism, metaphor and double speak, sufficient to confuse the hell out of us, and into throwing the book away. We’d sink back into our funk, confusion and depression, before we could even say the word Taoism. So let’s establish some facts to begin with. If you want to find peace, wellbeing and happiness, you will need to put some effort in.
So when we talk of effort, we’re referring to the effort involved, with being retrospective and introspective. The effort it takes to examine the root to our discomfort and unease
My background is Analytical Hypnotherapy. As a result, I fully understand, how it’s the examination of early experiences (retrospection), and the release of charged emotions from the memories created (introspection), that enable us to eliminate any negative influence they may still hold over us.
There’s no denying it’s only the courageous who’re prepared to undergo this kind of analysis. Over the years spent as an analyst, I’ve met, and will continue to meet, many courageous souls. These people have reached a point in their lives, where time in the chair has become a necessity. I’m by no means suggesting we all do that, what I am suggesting though, is we should all take a leaf out of their book. Retrospection followed by introspection are the way and means to break free from negative influences of the past.
As example let’s look again at depression. We read about the early demise of celebrities who’ve spent a lifetime struggling with depression. It’s my view, and that of my colleagues, that this kind of depression is borne from a fruitless search. As you will have experienced this yourself, think back to searching for a lost item; perhaps it’s keys, purse or wallet. When we’re unable to find a desperately needed item, we become frustrated, and eventually downhearted.
Now imagine when this search is for something metaphysical. Imagine when this search is for love. Potentially, it could be a love we’ve never experienced, but longed for all our lives. Through whatever means we just can’t find it. There’s no satisfaction. We’ve tried everything: dozens of relationships, sex, drugs, consumerism. . . yep you’ve guessed it, all the things we’re told to believe make us happy, complete and well.
When the search is for a love we’ve never know, all we find, is frustration leading to depression. Until the next time that is. The pattern and process just begins again. And we wonder why depression comes and goes
The solution is to cease the external search. We must stop looking to find some kind of satisfaction through external means. The answer really does lie within. What if the presenters, actors, actresses or pop stars, stopped seeking love, through the adoration fame brings? Would this mean we’d have less artistic excellence? I doubt it. Potentially our artistic excellence would be recognised for having a very different nature. Not through the work of tortured souls, but from peaceful souls who’ve found what the answer is. A true acceptance of a self created through retrospection followed, by that all important, introspection.
More about the Hypnotherapy Services I offer here
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Vaccines for the Body Awareness for the Mind
Image by mollyroselee I wonder about the effectiveness of meditation as much as I wonder about the effectiveness of vaccines
When I first sat down to write this piece I began to think about how effective meditation would have been for me some years ago. Whilst in the middle of being terrified and lost would meditation have been of any value to me? Would it have even been possible?
In answer to those questions, I think without it being explained to me, in clear terms, what the effects and consequences of improved awareness are, my experience of meditation would have been very brief. However, if, by first understanding exactly why my life was such a disaster (to be made aware of all the consequences to loneliness and a better exploration of my delusional beliefs) meditation might have saved me a lot of time and suffering.
When we’re grasping for the next thing – be this a drink or some other distraction – to gain control, we need to see the underlying cause
It was last night that I found myself thinking about isolation. How, as a child, if my behavior was disruptive, I would be punished through being sent into isolation in my bedroom. I hated this, I remember feeling very troubled when excluded from the rest of the family. I would creep to the top of the stairs, which were open-plan, so I could see what was going on, only to be spotted by one of my sisters and then told to get back to my room.
I know now, that the reason being in my bedroom alone was so difficult, was because it compounded my sense of loneliness. When in company my loneliness was far less apparent. The effect and consequences to this, in adulthood, was to spend time drunk (to feel comfortable around people) in pubs to make my loneliness less apparent. A further consequence was my need for constant stimulation and the avoidance of quiet time alone.
What I’ve since needed, in order to stop grasping for something to ease the pain of loneliness, is an understanding of what lies at its root. If we neither know or like ourselves, loneliness is the result. We will always seek ways to ease this pain.
With this knowledge, meditation, that leads to improved everyday mindfulness, helps me defend my mind against the many predators and players in life, and also remain vigilant to the importance of self-awareness
The long and the short of it is, improved awareness, has great value provided we understand the root to our dysfunctionality. If you are currently experiencing a high degree of instability, working through this, with a mental health professional, is recommended. And a must before Meditation to Mindfulness Workshop attendance.
Philip Whittingham is currently only able to offer Analytical Hypnotherapy Services through home visits in the South West of England.
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A Celebration of Consciousness
Image by Artturi Mäntysaari A dumbing down of consciousness is to be locked into routine and the habit of fantasising about the future. A celebration of consciousness is to be learning, growing, changing and developing
It’s estimated that consciousness developed about 5 million years ago. Imagine how it must of been for the babies of great apes, with a more fully developed cortex, to begin experiencing self-awareness. And consider how, some 5 million years later, we’ve come to utilise and better understand our consciousness.
If we’re to continue celebrating consciousness, we must recognise the importance of growth, change and development
If we search for it every positive has its opposite. And of course consciousness brings along with it the downsides of sentience. Along with the the joys of life we’re also aware of the sufferings. Physical and emotional pain is something we seek to avoid, and many of the ways we do this, has the unfortunate side effect of blunting our consciousness.
We must be guarded against the habit of avoidance because as we do this, the dumbing down of our consciousness, means we’re less aware of the opposites of what we’re choosing to avoid
Keeping the mind present through the technique of mindfulness does mean we become increasingly aware of the sharper edges to life, however, these things become less sharp through our increased awareness of the wonders in life. It’s a nonsense to dumb down everything – either through drugs, fantasy or routine – in an attempt to avoid the inevitable pains of life. When fully experiencing the phenomenon of consciousness we fully experience all that life brings. Mindfully celebrate your consciousness. Learn to meditate.
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The Power of Awareness
Image by John Hain How remarkable it is that we’re able to think about our own thinking
What an extraordinary talent we have in being able to objectively observe our own thoughts. That is of course providing we choose to. If we’re too integrated; intertwined with our thoughts, we might struggle to step away from them, long enough to see them as separate from ourselves. This is where meditation comes to the fore.
With practice meditation enables us to slow down and become aware
That’s right, as we seek to focus our attention on a physical function of the body (breathing for example) we can become aware of our thoughts. We expand on this by then beginning to question their nature. More than anything, we must ask ourselves if our thoughts have any positive, and productive value. Are our thoughts of a critical, judgmental nature, only there to compound the negatives we believe about ourselves, or are they constructive and valuable? The simple process of observing these thoughts, and asking if they’re of any real value to our lives, is an example of the power of awareness.
As we become increasingly aware of our thoughts, building the ability to detach ourselves from them, we raise awareness and take control
So often our defensive ego seeks to ward off attacks from those who might be less aware than ourselves. The negative, patronising comment or post-it note a colleague leaves for our attention, becomes a little mind-worm. We might believe ourselves to be quite important with a valuable contribution to make and all we get is attacked. If we are to remain healthy and well adjusted it is our ego we must bring under control.
Our ego has no concern for our mental health it is simply the custodian of our beliefs and must defend them to the death
One of the most powerful points you must take from this post today is, how the ego knows no difference between those beliefs that lift us, and help us move forward in life, and those that simply lock us into circular, negative thinking. All is not lost though, you’ve been made aware of how meditation enables you to step away from your thoughts – raising your awareness to them – so you may cease their destructive influence. In this way, you are actively selecting those ego-driven thoughts that are positive, and rejecting those that have no real value. You are actively choosing thoughts that improve and maintain a good quality of life.
Mindfulness is the product of meditation and it is our improved awareness that will keep tabs on destructive thinking from the ego
So when it comes down to it the power of awareness is the power to live well. The power to actively choose happiness over worry, stress and negativity, comes from improved awareness of thoughts and their nature. We can choose to either get upset and become defensive over the behaviour of others, or we can choose calm as we see the real driver of our emotions, as us. Remember, the ego is the custodian of beliefs and many of our thoughts are simply there as a means to compound and maintain them. This is the job of the ego no matter how beneficial or destructive these beliefs are. It is our job to raise our awareness so we may bring the ego under our control. When we practice this kind of mindfulness, every moment of our lives, amazing begins to happen. We begin to live well under the terms of the beliefs we choose to see value in.
Live well, learn to meditate.
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How to Live Each Day as if it Were Your Last
I’ve never really understood what it means to live each day as if it were your last – until meditating on it that is
In a recent post I mentioned my partners brother and his illness. The news has not improved only to become ever more shocking. The hospital have now realised that his liver cancer is very aggressive and, after having discussed the options with the patient, it’s been decided he should return home. A hospice is to be arranged in order for him to live out the time he has left in relative comfort.
When we experience this sort of thing a whole manner of thoughts crowd in. We begin to experience sadness at the impending loss. We think about all the consequences to losing someone we love. It is of course all the more painful when the person who is dying isn’t particularly old. We consider our own age and feel threatened and fearful about become so ill ourselves. We imagine the life they’re missing out on and we imagine our lives going on without their presence. We experience profound sadness. Our hearts break.
If possible, the kind of conversation we can have, with all concerned, relates to living each day as if it were the last
Yes, it’s only after meditating on this saying, has it started to make better sense. When I pondered on it thoughts concerning my recent activities came to mind. I’ve recently bought a motorcycle and after taking off the fairings some things have come to light. The machine was described as being in beautiful condition but, as if often the case, the previous owner made a false claim. He wasn’t lying, I believe he was simply ignorant, to the problems. Ignorant because he’d never dismantled it.
Whenever I buy a used motorcycle I have a habit of taking it apart. I do this in order to ensure it’s properly serviced and isn’t likely to let me down. As you will understand properly maintaining a motorcycle is important because your life might depend on it. Anyway, my point is, fixing or simply maintaining motorcycles, is something I’ve been doing most of my adult life. So, in effect, everything I do, in terms of motorcycle maintenance, is only an expansion on something I’ve done before. I’m repeating myself. Most of what we do is a repeat of something we’ve either witnessed or done ourselves. Our future activities are an expansion of these things. This is why we’re so adept at forgetting the past; both the pain and pleasure. If everything we did each day was completely new and unfamiliar life would be intolerable.
And so to get right to the point, if our lives are to be cut short, it becomes particularly painful if we cast our minds into an imaginary future
When you’re in the present there is no such thing as the future. In order to live each day as if it were our last all we need do is remain present. To feel disappointment and sadness about an imagined future (where we’re repeating all we’ve done before) is nonsensical. There’s no puzzle on how to live each day as if it were your last, because if you’re present, no matter what it is you’re doing, it will be the last time you ever do it.
Take control of your mind – and by extension your life – by learning how to meditate.
Practising Mindfulness 