Practising Mindfulness

Category: Relationships

  • Mastering Loneliness and Fear with Mindfulness

    Fear and loneliness drive self-destructive behaviour when we are unaware or in denial of their existence. When I was afraid and alone, much of my fear and loneliness had been self-inflicted. The reasons why I had driven myself to such a point are irrelevant. All that matters now is my ability to tell my story so that someone else may be better prepared.

    Mixed in was a large dose of guilt, and this was at the root of my self-destructive behaviour. Even so, if I’d been more aware and ready to accept the existence of a place in between my feelings, I would have been better able to navigate the maze

    Once learned, the art of Meditation will help us to become aware of the nature of mind. Through Meditation – that leads to improved Mindfulness – we can become aware of the scheming mind. Afraid and alone, the mind will seek to utilize all the tools it has at its disposal in order to help us survive. Even if this is to push the mind to the point of breakdown.

    As a child, I was shown the off switch of a breakdown. Some years ago, this method of survival was employed. A last resort called on from my limited repertoire.

    In order to escape the horror all around her, my sister had a breakdown. The only way I can describe how she seemed is to say it was as if a fuse had blown in her mind. At her worst, she would just moan and rock backwards and forwards. I can remember my father shaking her in an attempt to get her to stop. I can see now how terrified he was. Of course, all his shaking did was make her moan loader and rock even faster. The off switch initially caused her to exhibit strange, irrational, and delusional behaviour. This defence mechanism has been called on by myself and another member of my family since. A very unpleasant place to be.

    But all of this aside, what my parents failed to realise, at the time of my sisters breakdown, was how their behaviour (fear) was what drove her there in the first place. And so we must equip the mind with the tools that are likely to make things far less traumatic and painful than flicking the off switch. My eldest sister never fully returned.

    When we learn control over our thoughts and feelings, this can be a safe place for us to enter when we need time to observe the self objectively. To look down at our selves from above

    Now, we must get to know our fear and loneliness. We must get to know our selves. When we do this, we offer the mind an opportunity to simply acknowledge these feelings rather than trying to manage them in a self-destructive fashion. As Thich Nhat Hanh stated: “I hold my face between my hands to keep my loneliness warm”

    So many people fail to see their feelings in this way and so fail to take ownership of them. Instead of this, the mind devises a plan using the only tools it has available. And due to this lack, so many just flick the off switch. We must educate ourselves to fill the toolbox of our minds. More tools equals more choice; more power.

    Learn to Meditate, let this lead to improved Mindfulness, and get to know the self.

  • What Does it Take?

    What does it take to believe that we ALL hold the key to a beautiful life right there in our hands?

    I asked myself: Why didn’t I simply believe what I was being shown twenty five years ago, instead of creating the turmoil, I’ve experienced since? And I understand why. I understand that I didn’t have the courage and strength to look deeply enough into the root of my loneliness. I didn’t want to see how truly alone I was and still am. This alone is the alone we all have. We are all alone within our own minds and much of what we are doing is an attempt to escape this.

    Through looking deeply into my loneliness I understand that I have always felt this way

    And so much of my behavior over the years has been an attempt to ease this unrecognised yearning to feel less lonely. Almost everything: Pleasing people in an attempt to keep them close. The jobs I’ve done, money I’ve earned, and drink and drugs I’ve consumed. When I did finally look at the root of my loneliness it felt like I was going insane. Such was the pain, it felt like I was breaking in two.

    And I believe now, that having come through the other side, fear is no longer the obstacle it once was. What it took, was a true acceptance that I have the solution to cleaning up my life, easily, within my grasp. It took for me to finally accept that I was in charge of all my joys and sorrows. That it was me creating my good and bad experiences: That I am what I think I am, therefore, I am my thoughts. And when we have control over our thoughts we have control over our lives. It really is this simple, and what was clouding my engagement with this, was my determination to avoid looking deeply at loneliness. I was not accepting of myself. In the process all I created was my own personal hell.

    I feel anyone who is experiencing difficulties, and seeking a way out of this, must stop avoiding the self

    Many years ago I wrote about loneliness being the result of loneliness from the self. A failure to be in touch with ones self. Even seeing this and writing it down in a book was insufficient. So great was the fear and anguish. What I needed to do, was to clearly see and feel, all the pain and anguish of the lonely little boy I remained.

    And so, if you want a fast track to a beautiful life, look at what you hold in your hands right there in front of you. Believe the solution is easily within reach and it will be. Paradoxically, looking deeply into our suffering, means we stop choosing it as a life option.

    Learn to be aware of yourself; your thoughts, and award yourself the power, to create a beautiful life.

  • All the things to Cultivate

    Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

    Does the condition of being human make it hard to cultivate the following?

    • Love
    • Compassion
    • Generosity
    • Empathy
    • Kindness
    • Gentleness
    • Understanding
    • Acceptance

    What I find fascinating is, it’s the very condition of being human, that would have prevented me from seeking more of these things as a younger man.

    In fact, I wouldn’t have had a reason, to seek these things. The methods taught me to survive and cope with the madness were working. For so long, I’ve been wrapped up in the western world’s belief in what form happiness should take, and how to find it.

    Perhaps, now that you are reading this, you’re ready to cultivate the things that really matter in life. If not, there’s every chance it will be a while, before you come back here. Don’t leave it too long.

    The most powerful way of helping others to live with less pain and suffering is to be the very example of what we seek to cultivate

    If you’re ready to find more of these things, and would like to become a shinning example to others, this podcast is a good place to start. Be clear: there is no suggestion that we should all become Buddhist monks. No. The suggestion is that we begin to listen, and become further examples, of those who believe, not just in the power of love and compassion, but in all the things to cultivate.