Practising Mindfulness

Category: Wholeness

  • Mindfully Emotionally Whole

    Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

    Being made aware of what wholeness is and its importance for health and happiness is the first step

    Wholeness, as the word would suggest, is the capacity to embrace all aspects of the self. To become emotionally whole, we must be able to experience and accept the whole spectrum of human emotions in a way that encourages their free movement. Put another way, we must free ourselves from the habit of judging our emotions as being either good or bad. In addition, we must acknowledge the possibility that we have suppressed certain emotions (parts of ourselves) due to past trauma.

    There can be many ways in which we keep our emotional selves buried. It’s very straightforward. We may need to bury ourselves in books of a certain genre, take drugs, only ever listen to uplifting pop music, or obsessively pursue anything that takes the mind out of the present moment

    AI Generated Image

    The exact mechanism used to distract ourselves isn’t that important. What is important is acknowledging that we can be better at accepting all of our emotions as being equally important. Take a moment and consider what your reaction is to the concept of emotional blockages leading to illness in the body.

    For me, this idea has great value. And it really matters, not a jot, whether it remains a concept or becomes accepted fact. If we believe that emotions can become trapped in the body, and release and acceptance of these emotions helps us to feel better in the long term, this is what truly matters. I believe meditation, which leads to improved everyday mindfulness of how we avoid emotional wholeness, is key to our mental and physical well-being.

  • Mindful of the Truth

    In this reality, he sat next to the bed of the dying child and told her all about heaven. In an alternate reality, he told her this . . .

    We all die. Some die sooner than others. It is nature or circumstances that decide this. And it’s true that you will never see me again but that’s okay. Okay, because of what I’m about to tell you.

    There are many different elements that have made you who you are. Those elements, or parts, were already here before you were born. When you die, your body returns to the earth. All that you are is recycled and used again. You become the grass, the trees, and the blue sky. You, my love, will go everywhere. You will be in everything and that everything will be here for as long as there is a universe. And how long will the universe live? Longer than our minds can conceive of.

    Which reality we live in is, of course, a choice. If we chose a reality based on fantasy, what is this life? Is our life something vague and filled with conflict and denial? Are we wrapping ourselves in cotton wool created by lies? Facing the truth means experiencing the stark realities of life. And those realities, although sharp and focused, are the truth of a beautiful life

    When we have the courage to face our suffering and talk to our children with truths, only then will we live in a world that knows how to escape the madness. Always be mindful of the truth, and that way, you will find truth in everything. Love. Loss. Joy. Sadness. Life. Everything becomes clear. Life and death are beautiful then.

  • Mastering Loneliness and Fear with Mindfulness

    Fear and loneliness drives self-destructive behaviour when we are unaware or in denial of their existence. When I was afraid and alone much of my fear and loneliness had been self-inflicted. The reasons for why I had driven myself to such a point is irrelevant. All that matters now, is my ability to tell my story, so that someone else may be better prepared.

    Mixed in was a large dose of guilt and this was at the root to my self-destructive behaviour. Even so, if I’d been more aware and ready to accept the existence of a place in between my feelings, I would have been better able to navigate the maze

    Once learned, the art of Meditation will help us to become aware of the nature of mind. Through Meditation – that leads to improved Mindfulness – we can become aware of the scheming mind. Afraid and alone the mind will seek to utilize all the tools it has at its disposal in order to help us survive. Even if this is to push the mind to the point of breakdown.

    As a child, I was shown the off switch of a breakdown. Some years ago, this method of survival was employed. A last resort called on from my limited repertoire.

    In order to escape the horror all around her my sister had a breakdown. The only way I can describe how she seemed is to say it was as if a fuse had blown in her mind. At her worst she would just moan and rock backwards and forwards. I can remember my father shaking her in an attempt to get her to stop. I can see now how terrified he was. Of course all his shaking did was make her moan loader and rock even faster. The off switch initially caused her to exhibit strange, irrational, and delusional behaviour. This defense mechanism has been called on by myself and another member of my family since. A very unpleasant place to be.

    But all of this aside, what my parents failed to realise, at the time of my sisters breakdown, was how their behaviour (fear) was what drove her there in the first place. And so we must equip the mind with the tools that are likely to make things far less traumatic and painful than flicking the off switch. My eldest sister never fully returned.

    When we learn control over our thoughts and feelings, this can be a safe place for us to enter, when we need time to observe the self objectively. To look down at our selves from above

    Now we must get to know our fear and loneliness. We must get to know our selves. When we do this, we offer the mind an opportunity to simply acknowledge these feelings, rather than trying to manage them in a self-destructive fashion. As Thich Nhat Hanh stated: “I hold my face between my hands to keep my loneliness warm”

    So many people fail to see their feelings in this way and so fail to take ownership of them. Instead of this the mind devises a plan using the only tools it has available. And due to this lack so many just flick the off switch. We must educate ourselves to fill the tool box of our minds. More tools equals more choice; more power.

    Learn to Meditate, let this lead to improved Mindfulness, and get to know the self.

  • Life: A Journey of Self-discovery

    We humans have climbed the highest mountains, dived to the deepest depths of the oceans, and travelled to the moon and back. And all of us are on the most important journey of all: The Journey Home

    On many occasions over the last twenty five years I’ve asked myself this question: How am I doing this? And a very recent revelation for me was the understanding, that it is only when I take full responsibility, for how I create all my joys, sadness, anguish and suffering, will I be better able to control my internal environment. And it is this environment that matters. I have no control over external factors. From the behaviour of others, to the time and date of expected arrivals, these things are in the wind.

    When I fully accept that it is me deciding all matters, whether good, bad, health or ill-health, painful or comforting, I am empowered to change things

    As I go through my day, there are times when I feel my stress levels change. I live with impaired hearing and tinnitus. Through accepting that it is me creating tinnitus I’m empowered to make a choice. I can either suffer or delve into understanding the mechanism behind the issue. I can seek to understand how I increase or decrease my stress levels. This goes for all of us. We can ask ourselves the very same question: How am I doing this? Some might feel offended that I should suggest that we’re all creating our own problems. They might say: “How dare you suggest I’m creating my illness. How dare you suggest I’m choosing to suffer”

    And for those who feel this way, it would be useful to question what being a victim to your problems is doing for you. This is a very important question. I could easily go through the rest of my life feeling like a victim to circumstances. I could continue to blame my past. I’ve spent far too much time doing this already. It hasn’t got me anywhere. The only thing that has succeeded at helping me move forward, and enjoy my life, is the increased awareness of how I must think and act in order to help myself feel happier.

    Through looking deeply into the issue of tinnitus I now understand the link between the condition and fear

    As a child I often felt humiliated. I remember being placed in a remedial class in junior school and I understand the long lasting effects of this. Throughout my life I’ve had a deep fear of looking stupid; of seeming stupid to others. I developed the belief: I am stupid. The first means of attacking my misconceptions and limiting beliefs was to ask: Why does it matter what other people think? And of course it doesn’t. However, the cause of this thinking, comes down to my own habit of judging others. The cure to this is mindfulness of thoughts. Very simple.

    The second means of attack is to consider the consequences of the belief : I look stupid to others. On asking myself what the consequences have been, my mind has shown me many occasions, when my behaviour has been appalling. I’ve actively humiliated myself – and made myself feel stupid to others – so many times I’ve lost count. The flipside of this is to be very controlled and uptight, for fear of making mistakes, and again, looking stupid. This is the power of beliefs. We will actively find ways to fulfil them. Once aware of how we do this, it stops.

    I can easily see the connection between deafness and stupidity. Something that was very prevalent during my early years and perhaps still is today. Are you deaf or stupid? was the question. Some people often connect deafness with stupidity. This was certainly taught to me as a child. And so through this type of questioning and analysis I can clearly see that deafness is a symptom of my belief. I have unconsciously, unknowingly, damaged my very sensitive hearing during my life and there is no going back from this. Tinnitus is connected to how hard I’m straining to hear people. It creates stress and stress worsens the condition.

    And so the cure is firstly to stop judging people (so I stop feeling judged myself). What does it matter what people thing? It doesn’t matter. Why should it? It mattered as a child because it reflected on my schooling. What people thing now is irrelevant. They have no right to judge me. I’m doing the best of my abilities and always have done. The second aspect of the cure is to stop straining to hear people. If I can’t hear them, it doesn’t matter. Sound is often overrated, there are many ways to communicate. At work I no longer ask someone their details, I get them to write it down. I also explain that I’m hearing impaired and seek to shift the onus onto them. We all want to help someone with a disability so people will want to help me understand them. We all want to be understood do we not?

    The most important journey is the one we make in finding ourselves. The sooner the journey starts, the better.

    For help and advice with your own journey you can contact me here: andrew@freedmancollege.org

  • What Does it Take?

    What does it take to believe that we ALL hold the key to a beautiful life right there in our hands?

    I asked myself: Why didn’t I simply believe what I was being shown twenty five years ago, instead of creating the turmoil, I’ve experienced since? And I understand why. I understand that I didn’t have the courage and strength to look deeply enough into the root of my loneliness. I didn’t want to see how truly alone I was and still am. This alone is the alone we all have. We are all alone within our own minds and much of what we are doing is an attempt to escape this.

    Through looking deeply into my loneliness I understand that I have always felt this way

    And so much of my behavior over the years has been an attempt to ease this unrecognised yearning to feel less lonely. Almost everything: Pleasing people in an attempt to keep them close. The jobs I’ve done, money I’ve earned, and drink and drugs I’ve consumed. When I did finally look at the root of my loneliness it felt like I was going insane. Such was the pain, it felt like I was breaking in two.

    And I believe now, that having come through the other side, fear is no longer the obstacle it once was. What it took, was a true acceptance that I have the solution to cleaning up my life, easily, within my grasp. It took for me to finally accept that I was in charge of all my joys and sorrows. That it was me creating my good and bad experiences: That I am what I think I am, therefore, I am my thoughts. And when we have control over our thoughts we have control over our lives. It really is this simple, and what was clouding my engagement with this, was my determination to avoid looking deeply at loneliness. I was not accepting of myself. In the process all I created was my own personal hell.

    I feel anyone who is experiencing difficulties, and seeking a way out of this, must stop avoiding the self

    Many years ago I wrote about loneliness being the result of loneliness from the self. A failure to be in touch with ones self. Even seeing this and writing it down in a book was insufficient. So great was the fear and anguish. What I needed to do, was to clearly see and feel, all the pain and anguish of the lonely little boy I remained.

    And so, if you want a fast track to a beautiful life, look at what you hold in your hands right there in front of you. Believe the solution is easily within reach and it will be. Paradoxically, looking deeply into our suffering, means we stop choosing it as a life option.

    Learn to be aware of yourself; your thoughts, and award yourself the power, to create a beautiful life.

  • Mindfulness of Beliefs

    Taking mindfulness up to the next level, we can use it to improve further aspects, of our lives

    Our beliefs influence our lives in ways that it can be quite staggering to comprehend. And we can gain sufficient understanding of beliefs, and how being mindful of them can improve our lives, in a relatively short period of time. There’s little need to go into a detailed study of beliefs, all we need do, is apply some simple understandings of them – and mindfulness – in order to make some powerful changes.

    Lets’s begin with a useful example of beliefs in relationships

    Think about growing up with a parent (or parents) who believed that relationships can be open. If you’re unsure of what I mean by ‘open’ please look up the exact meaning of this type of relationship here. On a personal level, I have very firm boundaries in respect of intimate relationships, and that’s how it works for me. Some might describe my view, or beliefs, as dated or restricted in some way, however, from my understanding, open relationships tend to create far more problems than they solve. Anyway, consider how things might be to a child growing up in such a household. A specific example I can share with you is, that of a child who sensed her mothers disappointment at her fathers promiscuity. This disappointment was emotionally transferred to the child who went on to believe that relationships where ‘disappointing’.

    Now, the point to be mindful of here is, the question of how such an individual went on to create disappointing relationships, as an adult. To help with this, we can ask ourselves the question: what would need to happen for me to find relationships disappointing? And I’m not talking specifically about intimate relationships here. The deep rooted belief that relationships are disappointing will spill over into all relationships. We must remember that the mind has a tendency to generalize when it come to beliefs. The mind will group all relationships together and find ways in which they are all a disappointment in one form or another.

    When asking yourself that earlier question, I wonder what answer came back to you? Perhaps disappointment in a relationship would be something as simple as poor timekeeping. In the case of the individual who grew up in a promiscuous household, she found relationships disappointing, when she couldn’t trust people to stay true to future arrangements. The way in which she did this, was to always make some small change to plans with friends, that would involve some uninvited element that would then cause her friends to feel disappointed. This would then cause her friends to make changes that then disappointed her. The end result being the fulfillment of her belief that relationships are disappointing.

    Take some time with that last paragraph, as understanding it fully, will prove very powerful.

    Until we’re mindful of how we find fulfillment of our beliefs, and take responsibility for this, we will continue running around in circles

    It’s useful to keep in mind how it is us that creates our own difficulties. It’s far too easy to blame some sort of external element. This is of course the point. The mind would prefer to hold on to its beliefs because to do this is an efficient use of energy. So pinning the blame somewhere, other than on ourselves, saves energy. Change takes effort. Changing beliefs takes a great deal of effort, and yet through being mindful, of how our beliefs can be influencing the flow of our lives, change begins to gently happen. A gentle flow is preferable and this is helped through mindfulness of our beliefs.

  • Good Consequences of Awareness

    Just as it should be I’m looking to focus on the positive consequences of awareness. Initially, increased awareness can seem negative, and indeed we can’t have one without the other, however, the initial negatives are overtaken by the good, allow me to explain

    Some time ago I was sitting in a meeting of managers headed by myself. I was introducing myself; singing my praises and generally bulling myself up before my audience. I was telling these nine managers all about how successful I’d been at varies points during my working life to date. It wasn’t long before one of these managers pipped up: “It seems you’ve been very successful at everything you’ve done!” she said. I instantly understood this as a sarcastic dig at my egotistical rant, and rightly so. My response probably wasn’t as she expected, I simply said, yes, I have, and this is something I want for you guys too.

    Whatever you set out to achieve give it your all and never give up

    Once drawn to the discipline of meditation it became my aspiration to gain the most from it. Mindfulness or increased awareness is the consequence of regular meditation. There are then consequences to this improved awareness and there is one in particular I’d like to talk about today. That of emotions.

    Of late I’ve noticed more of my emotions seem very close to the surface

    The overriding emotion, I’m accustomed to being at the surface the majority of the time, has been anger. I know how this connects to my past and I understand the associated fear and it’s awareness that has shown me this. Now that the anger is beginning to dissipate, many other emotions have begun to surface. The best way to describe it is to say: I’ve come home to myself. I’ve begun to feel more human; more in touch with myself and my emotions. Another thing that’s there is a lot of sadness and regret. The regret is something I’m dealing with, and as far as sadness is concerned, I can ease this in one major way: filter what I expose my mind to.

    In the past I’ve talked a lot about the media and the importance of filtering what you expose yourself to. The danger of overexposure is the numbing effect. We become indifferent

    It could be said indifference to the human condition has its uses. If we become bogged down with the suffering, the media tells us about every day, it can be counterproductive. So, if we want to help, rather than becoming indifferent, I feel it’s far better to accept that we live in a troubled world and then simply switch the news off. It’s unnecessary to remind oneself of this every day. That said, I know switching off the news is very difficult. Much like sorting my addictions to alcohol, nicotine and sugar (that last one still lingers) switching of my addiction to the news has proved very tricky. I find now though, as a result of my improved awareness – of the present moment – watching the news has become damaging. It’s bringing me down. I can’t be indifferent whilst also being aware. What I can and must do now is make the decision to switch it off and find something else to do.

    The good consequences of awareness is how much more human we become

    All manner of things become brighter and more pleasurable once we’re aware. Aware, it can feel like a shroud has been lifted from your head. It’s as if a level of depression, that you didn’t even realise was there, has been lifted. I’m left wondering how many of us are walking around mildly numb. How many of us, in order to survive, have pushed our awareness and emotions down below the surface? Breath in now, come up for air, it’s time to wake up. It may seem difficult to begin with, but if we don’t do this now, most of us will go to our graves never really experiencing how it feels to be fully alive.

  • What to Believe to Make the Change

    My curiosity constantly draws me into seeking to understand what drives people. I’m curious as to what it takes to make a person want to live well. Why should we search for peace? Why should we question our addictions? Why should we care?

    I feel the answer to these questions lies entirely in the level of compassion that’s been instilled in us from a very early age. Self-compassion, or compassion for the wellbeing of others, I believe is something that starts very early. It’s those parents who buy their child a rabbit, with the intention of helping that child build love and compassion for other beings, who raise a human that’s likely to care. The caring and taking responsibility for another being, from an early age, helps the child understand the two way nature of the relationship. Pleasure is awarded the child whose rabbit is healthy because they’ve taken proper care of it. Also, when the rabbit eventually dies, the child learns from their suffering. They learn that happiness and suffering go hand in hand.

    There must be sufficient reward for caring. There must always be something in it for us and we must never be ashamed to know and admit this. Our survival is paramount and we must be taught that when we make our survival the priority, we inadvertently lift everyone else

    Consider the late spiritual leader Thích Nhất Hạnh. Many have described his greatest achievement as the communities he created; the Sangha. We must ask what was his motivation? The first driver will have been his belief. His faith. He believed in Buddhism with every fiber of his being. He also believed he had the medicine to help people out of their suffering; that Buddhism had some of the solutions to humanities plight. The second driving will have been his compassion. He wanted all of us to better deal with our suffering, through living lives, that had more of an acceptance of how – according to Buddhist understandings – we generate our suffering. The third, and by no means last motivation, will have concerned the pleasure he received as a result of helping others prosper.

    The communities he created are currently hard at work looking to spread the word. They’re looking to spread the word of mindfulness and the importance of love and compassion in the world. It’s my understanding, that the current they will always be swimming against, is that of the conflicting beliefs our children are still being taught.

    We must understand that the rewards we receive concern the easing of our own suffering. The child must be taught to understand, how it’s the process of helping other beings prosper, that in turn creates their own prosperity

    It starts with: What do I want? Thích Nhất Hạnh saw the image of a Buddha as a child and decided: “That’s what I want to be” it started with what he wanted and the comfort that there will be some benefit to him. His compassion for other beings then drove him to want this for others too. His communities were his masterpiece and what piece of mind this must have offered him.

    If you want piece of mind, if you’ve finally had enough of our destructive patterns of living, ask yourself what you believe is the best way to live well. To give or to take? I would suggest neither. I would suggest that through reaching for the child within, who wanted the rabbit to thrive, we get closer to finding the truth. We are neither giving or taking, just simply being compassionately and mindfully there for another being, and in turn it will be there for us. Make your driving a deep desire to help others prosper and make the miracle happen.

  • Mindfulness of Anger

    ‘That is the practice of mindfulness called mindfulness of anger. When you notice that anger is coming up in you, you have to practice mindful breathing in order to generate the energy of mindfulness, in order to recognize your anger and embrace it tenderly. So then you can bring relief into you and not to act and to say things that can destroy, that can be destructive. And doing so, you can look deeply into the nature of your anger and know where it has come from’

    Thich Nhat Hanh in conversation with Krista Tippett

  • Discover a Different Form of Happiness

    It is slightly mind blowing to think that there is in fact a different form of happiness that we can cultivate and focus on

    We must firstly consider what it takes to touch on this other form of happiness. We do of course know the happiness we get from being amongst other people or from our consumerism. We can see the from of happiness we get from outside of ourselves. We feel it internally but the trigger is an external stimuli. Imagine the excitement of a night out with friends or a trip abroad. Image the feelings we receive when we buy something new. This is often what we’re taught happiness is about. I can even remember my own mother describing a child, who had everything they wanted in the material world, as someone who was very loved. Perhaps a way to rationalise her own inability to express love for her children in a tactile way.

    When we begin to see, that happy children aren’t necessarily from wealthy backgrounds, we begin to understand how innocence plays its part. Provided poverty doesn’t equal neglect, money, is actually irrelevant to a child

    One of the most important ways to discover, the form of happiness that exist within us, is the ability to be absolutely, fully, present. I’ve recently found myself with a responsibility I didn’t particularly want. However, understanding the importance of being present, has helped me, not only carry the burden easily, but to enjoy it.

    My sharing of a responsibility is easing the burden on someone else and that is giving me an enormous amount of satisfaction and pleasure. Being present during the process is enabling me to immerse myself fully into it. Whilst aware and present my mind is no longer seeking to be somewhere else doing something that carries less responsibility, or involves anther form of stimulation, that might be more fun. Mindfully working through my responsibility has taken any form of suffering away. When we want (to be doing something different somewhere else) we suffer. We could say that when suffering is removed happiness is what remains.

    This happiness is brought about as a result of fully immersing oneself in being alive. When we do this, pleasure can be derived from the most mundane of actions, because our happiness has changed form

    That’s right! The form of happiness has switch from an external stimulation to the simple pleasure derived from being present and alive. When we fully appreciate the pleasure of being alive – experienced when fully and absolutely present – we are happy. If we’re not fully present we’re not fully appreciating what it actually means to be alive. Our mind is somewhere other than here and now. Surly, when this is the case, are we not three quarters of the way to being dead? Be present and happy, through the mindfulness gained from learning how to improve your mental fitness, through proper meditation practice. Return to innocence now.