Self-analysis can result in release from chasing the unobtainable
We could spend our entire lives frustratingly seeking the love, acceptance and approval of a long dead parent, or we could engage in analysis and free ourselves. With that said, the discovery of truth can be excruciatingly painful, which is of course why most people look to avoid it.
Finding your true self is how to achieve contentment
And so how do we know when we’ve found our true selves? What does true self actually mean? The identity we discover, and much of what we choose to do, can be traced back to our childhood need for love and acceptance. As time moves forward the origins of our identity and drivings sink down to the unconscious level and the reasons for what we do go along with it. We just blindly go on not really understanding what the motivations were or are. And yet when we find frustration in our pursuits, bringing these now unconscious aspects to the surface, proves useful. This is how to discover our true self. We do this by recognising how we may be chasing the unobtainable. We then stop and choose pursuits that are based on reality.
Your true self can be exactly what you want it to be
Believe it or not, seeing the truth could help us decide to stay with our chosen identity and continue along the path we’re on, but instead of frustration, this time, we can find success. The difference being that we now understanding how our frustration was due to an unconscious yearning that could never be satisfied. The addicts (past or present) among us can relate to this.
Addiction is driven by a longing that can never be satisfied. The addiction is there simply because the addict is trying to satisfy – or quieten – an unconscious longing or destructive emotion. I can clearly remember the alcohol, or whatever, just not quite hitting the mark. Ever.
Freedom
As a result of discovering the truth, we can make a conscious choice to either form a new identity, or continue with what we have. In either case we can experience freedom. Freedom from chasing illusions and the unobtainable. Our energy is focused in an entirely different way. We are no longer chasing shadows.
Hate is on the agenda, the 1% are getting attention, so the rest of us need to work harder
In light of that heading let’s just remind ourselves what there is to gain from kindness. You never know, this short post might make you aware of something, you didn’t previously know. And once reminded of the benefits and power of kindness we’re then much more likely to spread the message.
It does seem the media are focusing on hate and deep down we all know why; it grabs attention. We’re bombarded at the moment with all the incidents of hate and the consequences. Our curiosity is piqued, we want to know how tough others lives are. We want to feel some light relief and distraction from our own problems. This is the human condition and the media know it. On the back of this we must always remember the figures in my opening heading: it’s the 1% we’re currently having an issue with and if it wasn’t for the media they wouldn’t have a voice and our lives would be less affected. Unfortunately, that isn’t the world we currently live in. So the antidote is for the rest of us to focus more intently on kindness, the advantages to us, and how we can spread it around a bit.
Spread it like chocolate spread on toast or marmite if that’s your preference
Let’s start with the understanding of where kindness will get us. In days of old we believed that kindness would earn us merit and increase the chances of being taken off to a better place after death. Of course many people still believe this, and yet fail at being kind, so that ones out the window. However, there is another slant, on the kindness issue. And even though you won’t earn merit in the heaven stakes, what you will earn, is a calmer state of mind. You will earn peace of mind.
The way this works is simple. Before explaining that we must start with understanding hate
Let’s say for example you object to the actions, campaigning, beliefs – or whatever – of a certain individual, and you would like them to stop. Let’s say you decide to start your own campaign of hate. Straight away we can know that this kind of strategy might make you feel better for a short while and indeed you might feel that it is having an effect. Over time though, this kind of thinking, begins to create rot.
The hatred begins to compound itself and its force becomes stronger. It permeates through your entire being. In the end it will always end in tears. We can go further. At its root, hate, is fear. It could be that it’s the campaigning of others that is a threat to your beliefs and way of life. When such things are threatened fear is triggered at a deep level. We only need to question the shaky beliefs of religious zealots to see how fear manifests itself.
So instead let’s say you begin a campaign of kindness
As mentioned, kindness offers peace of mind and calmness to the giver. This works in the same way that hating compounds hate. Kindness compounds kindness through tapping into the associated emotion: Love. Yeap, love is the word. And that is what we need more of.
So how do we start a campaign of kindness when we are afraid? Well we must own up. We must own up to our fear. When we are afraid it is almost impossible to project love and kindness. Owning up to this defuses its power. When we say: “Yeap, what you are doing frightens me,” we defuse the hate that’s there on all sides. We then begin to build a common understanding of how we can move forward from the issues at hand.
The individual who is campaigning against what he sees as wrongdoing must recognize the hate that exists within him
Such an individual may think that his campaigning is doing good, and yet fail to see how his beliefs in right and wrong, are the real problem. When we’re offering kindness to each other right and wrong cease to exist. We begin to understand the viewpoints of all concerned.
So there we are. Do yourself a favour and offer kindness today. It will calm you and offer a peace of mind that facilitates understanding. When we understand the fear, love, is free to roam.
a person or thing conceived as embodying such a conception, or conforming to such a standard, and taken as a model for imitation.
Should we seek the ideal? Is being an idealist different to being a perfectionist? The English dictionary defines the idealist as this:
Someone who believes that very good things can be achieved often when this does not seem likely to others.
We’re told that perfectionism is a negative
We’re told that wanting perfection, and only settling for this, is something to be avoided. If we believe there’s no such thing as perfect, yet at the same time seek it, we’re certainly going to be wasting a lot of energy.
Alternatively, when we understand perfection – as simply an ideal to strive for – we’re able to achieve our best in any given moment of time. Our efforts may not have been perfect, yet we can be comfortable in the knowledge, we did our best. In this respect we must have a ‘benchmark’ to reach for. There must always be a gold standard.
So whether we like it or not, perfection, is always going to be something striven for. The perfect body, the perfect house, life, car, job, child, marriage, we could go on. The downside of this, will be the negative feelings we’re left with, when we inevitably fall short. We’ll feel frustrated, dissatisfied and unfulfilled when we fail to reach perfection. Eventually we may give up altogether.
With this in mind, only reaching for the ideal, is the objective
Being the best we can be without achieving perfection is the plan. After all, to be perfect would leave us with nowhere else to go; a very dangerous situation indeed. And so in this respect, it’s very sensible for us to see perfection, as unachievable. Thankfully there will always be better to strive for. Seeing this for what it is, gives us room to work harder, even when we know we’ve done our very best.
It’s the knowledge that there is always more that keeps humans striving to move forward. We can always do better. There is always more. A very reassuring fact. This brings me on to the key understanding we must strive for.
At The Freedman College we believe it makes perfect sense for us to be striving for a better understanding of one key element in our lives.
When we focus our attention on this one key element all other things are found
If we come back to the examples given of what we seek perfection in for a moment (be it lives, bodies, marriages or houses), all of these things are easily achieved, when we have a clear understanding of this key element. Here it is: The Ideal of Love.
Once we cease – in our misunderstandings and misinterpretations of love – we will stop striving for an unachievable ideal. Because we’re confused about love, we don’t actually know, what we are in fact striving for. For example, we’re told that love is many things. The nonsense of this definition is the very thing causing confusion. If we don’t even know what it is, how can we strive to find it?
When young we often think we’re in love
We confuse the feelings we may have for someone as love. We may feel that we need someone, or that we feel lost without them; that we pander for them, or pine for their attention. We mistake lust and infatuation for love. We must make ourselves aware: Emotions of craving have nothing to do with love. Further to this, we mistake many aspects of fear, for love. We think because we fear losing them that we must love them. Fear of loss is fear of pain. Love is completely devoid of this.
We really only need ask ourselves one thing to know whether we’re in love or not. Here it is: Do I want to empower this person? The true emotion of love is something we’re awarded when we witness the freedom of our loved ones. Anything other than this will never be love and only a poor imitation and illusion of it.
To know if our version of love is reciprocal, all we need do, is turn the question around like this: Is this person empowering me?
At this stage be sure to have a clear understanding of the word empower. It is not empowerment to need a person and neither is it empowerment to give yourself up to another. Empowerment is when we’re able to lift a person to be a free individual standing on their own two feetwho is the best version of themselves they can possibly be at that moment in time.
At the same time – as your empowerment of them – this power sets you free. The more people who have a clear understanding of this the better.
Here is the definition of an ideal love that we believe to be A Basic Human Right:
“Love and the ability to teach it, is wanting and needing to empower your partner and children to evolve into whole human beings who are free of fear, because that process gives you pleasure, freedom from your own fear, and brings you closer to wholeness”
Practising Mindfulness 