Practising Mindfulness Latest Posts

  • Protected: Free Your Mind With Love

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  • Protected: When all else fails play the love card

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  • Just Be Gentle

    When you hold someone today, do it gently. In your everyday activities make a point, today, of being gentle in all you do. When placing a cup down on a surface, do it so gentle, that it barely makes a sound. When you speak, make the tones quiet, slow and soft.

    In everything you touch today do it mindfully and gently

    I believe you’ll be surprised by the results. There really isn’t enough gentleness in the world right now. So if we make it a good habit to treat each other gently and to be gentle in everything we do, it starts to take hold, and becomes our reality. We become gentle in turn. We become gentle with ourselves. After all, it is to ourselves that we hand out the harshest critique and instigate the cruelest of punishments.

    A welder or a blacksmith will tell you, it’s only by applying just the right amount of energy, do we get the desired results

    Never mistake gentleness with weakness. It takes great strength to respond to anger with gentle reasoning. And it is this that ultimately gets the best results; lasting change. Show your enemies how to love and how to use the power of gentleness, and in time, it will become their reality also. Just be gentle.

  • What You Need

    The mind will always provide what you want, and yet, what exactly do you want?

    There’s something very special about human intelligence. There are a lot of things that we don’t fully understand about compassion and our ability to read others and their wants.

    Many years ago, when I first started out as a Hypnotherapist, clients would often send me thank you cards. So much so, that in my waiting room, I started to struggle for space on top of filing cabinets etc. As I reflect on that time, it’s possible to understand why; it was something I needed. Not on a level fully recognised by me you understand, it was a message I was sending out, unconsciously. My clients actually wanted me to succeed and felt the need to encourage me.

    In what I’ve just stated I once again find myself facing one of the beautiful ironies of life

    As a Therapist, I’m in the business of helping people. In this respect surely it’s not for my clients to be helping me? But of course any interaction between humans, is going to be interlaced, with the unexpected. And the relationship between client and therapist can be an extremely complicated one (less so for the Therapist). That said, we must never underestimate the capacity we humans have, for showing love to one another, in unexpected ways.

    It’s a very strange thing to assert, that even if this is only in our imagination, the mind will always provide what we want

    Much of the communication between us humans is done at an unconscious level. And it all gets very interesting when we realise that the mind always provides what we want, even if this, is something unpleasant. If what we believe, about our fellow man for example, has been built on hatred, anger and intolerance, then this is exactly what we will receive. The mind will provide exactly that. And what we want, from moment to moment, is confirmation, of what we believe.

    If you want a beautiful life, the trick, is to simply believe in the possibility and how to find it

    At a very basic level we humans don’t need a great deal to survive. Surviving and thriving can be two very different things though. For example is a thriving life achieved simply through our needs being fully understood and met? It’s important to remember, we all have the same basic needs, but very different wants. One person can very well believe they’re thriving with only their basic needs met. For others thriving means something very different. Perhaps these are the people the lottery fund is dependent upon. People who are always found wanting.

    The advice to acknowledge, must be to seek out love, and the need to understand it

    A common misunderstanding is that love is self-sacrifice. Giving of oneself, so we may gain the pleasure of seeing loved ones thrive, can never be about sacrifice. In the past we might have been told that people have given up a lot for us, or made some kind of sacrifice, but this is a lie.

    It can never be a sacrifice to give of oneself so those we love can thrive. We gain pleasure when we love. It must be a pleasure to give, because if it isn’t, this is something else entirely. We may even be seeking to control others with giving. In fact, if we want others to believe we’ve made sacrifices for them, this is all about needing control.

    Man’s need for control over other men is ever present

    This is especially the case from those who have very little control over themselves. There are times when we all feel a little out of control. This self-control is regained once we realise something fundamental: There are many things in life that are beyond our influence or control, and so much of the suffering in life, is caused through our want to chase those things, we have no real need or aptitude for.

    It’s how we view life that is important

    It’s how we react to events that determines our level of happiness. If what you are striving for seems illusive, change your perspective. It could well be that the thing you’re striving for is already where you’re at and you’re just not seeing it as such. For example, you might – on a conscious level – see success as one thing, and yet all along, the unconscious mind has been viewing things very differently. The way your unconscious mind is seeing success, may well be the very place, you’re already in! An interesting thought.

    So to sum up, it’s all about understanding the wants and needs of your mind. Your wants are built on your beliefs. What you unconsciously want, may differ greatly, to your conscious desires.

    When this kind of conflict exists the result is suffering. Suffering is eased when we have greater understanding of our unconscious beliefs. At it’s basic level, all you actually need to be a successful human being, is some of that magical ingredient called love. Send that out and it’s a need that’s easily met.

  • Decide Which Belief to Focus On

    Discover the foundation

    In order to begin the process of freeing yourself from a limiting belief it will prove very useful to consider what it was founded on. Way back, when we first learned our beliefs, they will have been founded on emotions. The stronger the emotion the more apparent and prominent the belief. So let’s simplify things a little, and work with just two emotions, those of fear and love.

    If, for example, you believed that a certain activity were dangerous, there’s a good likelihood you would avoid it. This would be the case even if the activity were likely to broaden you as an individual. When we think of it there is an element of danger in many activities, even crossing the road holds risk. Most of us however, are fortunate enough to have been instructed on the sensible way to cross roads, and have been awarded a healthy respect for speeding cars. But what about something else? What about the beliefs we hold about ourselves?

    Let’s say we believe ourselves to be weak and it was a fearful experience that caused its formation

    Perhaps we backed down whilst being bullied or were submissive when abused as a child and this is seen by the mind as weakness. There may well be a sense of guilt underlying the belief due to our shame of submission. We ask ourselves: why didn’t I fight the bully? Why didn’t I report the abuser? Of course, once we have the opportunity to review such experiences, we’re enlightened to all the relevant details the mind has since chosen to ignore. Such as the size of the bully and the fear of getting a beating or the consequences of reporting abuse at the time.

    These details are often ignored as the mind focuses on the belief – weak. We can go through life being held back by such a belief. We can shy away from experiences that would broaden us simply because we believe ourselves to be this way.

    The ability to review childhood experiences also enlightens us to the reality of the existence of a belief’s opposite, which the mind is also choosing to ignore; in this instant, that of strength. It can take strength to walk away from a threatening situation rather than stand and fight. Our silence, in the face of abuse, is the strength to see the potential worsening of circumstances if we spoke up at the time. We needed to survive. Survivors of bullying and abuse often fail to see their strength as the mind becomes clouded by the predominant beliefs fueled by fear and guilt. But for any belief to exists its opposite must also.

    Change the belief with love, the opposite of fear

    It’s now that we must highlight the presence of opposites. Love is the tool we use. As adults we can easily review past hurts and regrets to recognise the beliefs formed. When we now apply love, we’re seeing these things as adults, and showing the inner child the kind of love, that will have been lacking at the time. With love we can show the child opposing beliefs and realise the benefits of seeing our inner strength, that has always been there, just never brought to the surface.

    Some examples of opposing beliefs:

    • Attractive – Unattractive
    • Healthy – Unhealthy
    • Fit – Unfit
    • Fat – Slim
    • Intelligent – Stupid
    • Confident – Unconfident
    • Strong – Weak
    • Good – Bad

  • Protected: Generalised or Free Floating Anxiety

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  • Protected: The Root and Purpose of Anxiety

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  • Equipped for Life

    There are those who, on the first signs of trouble, take to their beds and disappear down into a depressive funk. And their are those who would thrive on this same trouble. What is it that makes the difference?

    The easy answer lies in how well we’ve been equipped for life during our developmental years. If wrapped in cotton wool, cosseted and pampered during childhood, we might grow to be fragile and overly sensitive to stress and worry.

    Compared to someone who has grown up knowing little other than drama, stress and violence (physical and/or emotional) it’s certainly likely – the cosseted – will be less well equipped to deal with this side of life.

    As strange as it may seem, a difficult childhood can leave us better equipped to deal with the inevitable stresses, of life. With this in mind, it’s true that children must be protected with appropriate boundaries and sensitive parenting, however, at the same time, we mustn’t overprotect them. We must find ways to equip them for the ups and downs of life in the best ways possible.

    There are always alternative consequences to consider.

    If we find ourself scarred, as a result of being inappropriately exposed to the violence of adult problems during childhood, rather than equipping us, we can develop conflicts that cause us to shift uncontrollably between emotional states. Sometimes we’re strong and on top of the world, and yet at other times, fearful and incapacitated.

    So a childhood that can equip, can just as easily disable. It’s a little like the child who sees a negative comment from a teacher, for example, as confirmation of their poor self-belief, or uses it as a means to strengthen them. It can go one way or the other. Or is there an alternative to this black and white viewpoint?

    Perhaps the ideal is the child who has the ability to remain indifferent to those who don’t actually understand how to love them. Consider the words: “You’ll never amount to much” are they based on fear or love? I feel the words: “Once you’re grown you’ll be free to choose” sound far more loving and empowering.

    Coming back to the individual who’s likely to take to their bed at the first sign of trouble, we must understand, that this kind of behaviour is rooted in the past. It got them something then and the belief is it’ll get them something now. We could also call this a scar that has resulted in childish behaviour being echoed in adulthood. Conversely, if stress is seen simply as being part of life, then surly we’re able to simply brush troubles away, that would debilitate the adult-child.

    Solving depression and developing a worry-free mind can seem complicated. The conditions and symptoms of depression or anxiety are simple to spot, it is unraveling the root causes, that are a little more complex. One thing is for sure, once we see how the present often echoes the past, we’re able to break away from behaviour that belongs there. Put your feet on the floor, put your clothes on, and walk away from the past.

    Schedule your free initial telephone consultation with Philip by completing the form found here.

  • The Power of Suggestion

    “What you’ll notice when you first bite into this piece of cheese Lora is the rich maturity of the cheddar, and then comes the pineapple, can you taste that?” 

    Lora chewed for a moment in silence, and then . . .

    “Oh my God that’s so wonderful and I’m getting that aftertaste of pineapple, amazing! I’ll take it”

    “Now the wine. First we swirl, like this, so the wine covers the surface area of the glass, that’s it… push your nose well into the glass and inhale. What you’ll get, are those heady tones of berries, got that?

    A moment passed as Lora consider what she was smelling . . .

    “Oh yes, definitely” she said.

    “Okay, now we take a sip and what you’ll notice, at first, is the overtones of chocolate closely followed by old, burnt tyre.”

    Lora sipped . . .

    “Um… old burnt tyre you say?”

    “Sure,” said the wine expert.

    “Well you know what, I’m definitely getting that, I’ll take two bottles!”

    SOLD!

    ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

    Interestingly enough I did once experience someone eating a piece of cheese and being told it had pineapple in it, when the reality was, she was sampling a plain piece of sweaty cheddar from the local supermarket. She reported how lovely it was and how the pineapple added to the experience. She was in fact made to look a bit of a twit.

    It was of course the power of suggestion that caused her to taste the pineapple. There was no pineapple. Just like there are no ghosts. It gets really interesting, when we consider how the lady in question, did actually taste pineapple. She wasn’t making that up, it was the guy suggesting it had pineapple in it, who was creating the fiction. 

    Stage Hypnotism

    Although not as popular as they were some years ago, the stage hypnotist knows all about the power of suggestion. How suggestion works is a very simple process provided several elements have combined to create the correct environment.

    Before I go on, it’s important to bear in mind, that the cheese tasting lady mentioned earlier hadn’t been hypnotised. People hypnotised on stage have been known to go to much further extremes. Eating an onion in the belief it’s an apple is an example.

    For suggestion to be at its most powerful, it helps, if the subject is hypnotised. But as mentioned, this isn’t always necessary. 

    Suggestion taken as fact happens all the time. When it comes to us humans, it could be considered a bit of weakness. One of our weaknesses is that we don’t always question the validity of what we’re being told. We can be drawn in by suggestion, simply because it either matches our expectations, or suits our particular agenda. 

    So, back to the necessary elements, for suggestion to be at its most powerful. Suggestion is most powerful when our conscious critical faculty is subdued or completely bypassed. A subdued critical faculty can be rendered this way due to several factors.

    • There could be peer pressure (cheese tasting lady was in a crowd).
    • She may have felt the need to please the person making the suggestion.
    • She might have been enjoying the limelight (ego).
    • There might have been an element of fear (she didn’t want to appear foolish in front of everyone through not tasting pineapple).

    Ironically enough she did of course become the object of ridicule.  All of this can happen to such an extent, that even if our cheese tasting lady hadn’t experienced the taste of pineapple, she would have lied! 

    Placebo

    Much of what we’ve talked about relates back to our expectations, or put a better way, our beliefs. Believe you’re eating pineapples and you will be. Believe life gives you lemons and it will (the solution to that particular issue, as you might already know, is to drink lemonade!). 

    It has been well documented how the mind can be hoodwinked into believing something that isn’t true. We might be fed a sugar pill and told how it’s the most powerful analgesic in the world. Our pain disappears. We need to believe certain things. It’s recently been reported, that even when people are told it’s a sugar pill, the belief in the placebo effect, still creates a positive result! And how interesting is that?

    Hypnosis

    So let’s say the conscious critical faculty won’t accept a suggestion that is for our better good? An extreme example, if slightly odd, could be the suggestion: women find men with warts on the end of their noses very attractive. This is quite plainly nonsense to most. If we employ hypnosis though, it can prove far easier to bypass our critical faculty (judgemental mind), and plant the suggestion, that there’s nothing wrong with warts.

    There are of course many things we choose to filter out of our lives that would in fact enhance our experience of it. If we were to accept the suggestion – life is for the taking and we must recognise and embrace all the good things we’re offered – how much brighter would things become? Many of the beliefs we have about life hold us back terribly. 

    It doesn’t take a great deal to question these things, and once we do, suggestions for a brighter future, are far easier accepted now. You can forget all about the cheese and wine by the way.

    Do you know a Hypnotherapist who can help you question and change your limiting beliefs for good? I do.

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  • Love and Compassion

    Never be mislead by simplicity it can take a long hard journey to arrive at such clarity

    Over recent years I have written a fair amount on the subject of love and yet surprisingly little about compassion. And so today I’m asking: What exactly is compassion?

    We can easily define this as an ability to feel for others. When compassionate we’re able to sympathise with the suffering and misfortune we might witness. We can empathetically feel the pain of others. Even so, if we posses this ability, but then fail to act, of what use is compassion?

    If we combine compassion with love would this create the correct environment for action?

    I feel that it would. Compassion alone is of little value if we fail to love. Consider how much power, compassionate thoughts have, when they concern someone we love. Consider the compassion we understand for a vulnerable child that we love. How would it be if we saw this child within everyone? How would it be if we saw this child, even within violent adults that are being used as pawns, within games?

    And so, when people talk of meditating on compassionate thoughts and feelings, it is of far greater value, to see those we seek to feel compassion for, as children. After all it could be said we are all children struggling to grow. And we never really lose that fear and vulnerability, felt so strongly, as a child. It just weakens slightly as we age.

    As with most things it does all start with ourselves. If you want to find compassion this is of course where it begins: within. Through meditating on compassionate feelings, and then offering this to the vulnerable child within ourselves, we stand a far greater chance of feeling this for others. When we look at any child, how can we fail to love? If we fail at this, compassion, has no meaning. Learn to meditate.

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