Practising Mindfulness Latest Posts

  • The Problem isn’t “Out There”

    Nurture the Protected Garden Within Ones Self

    The Way Out is In

    – Thich Nhat Hanh

    For a very long time I thought the issue was with the people I meet

    It sometimes seems to me that people have no consideration for my needs, and within my work, some people seem to act in a superior manner. They speak in condescending and sarcastic tones. Some of the people I meet within my work are wealthy.

    It often seems that wealthy people believe that wealth awards them the power and right to talk down to others. They do this in a supercilious way. When this happens to me personally, or I hear of it, there’s a tendency for me to ruminate and become angry. I now realise the problem has never been with other people, the problem lies within me.

    Now, don’t misunderstand me. Saying the problem lies within me doesn’t make inequality or inconsiderate behaviour right

    These things are never acceptable. However, as it stands right now, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change inequality and inconsiderate behaviour. What I can do is far more powerful. I can stop judging.

    That’s right. I must constantly remind myself that what lies within my power is how I think and react. Through making judgements – of whether the behaviour of people is right or wrong – it becomes me that’s acting superior. I’m judging that people should behave toward me in a certain manner. This is ridiculous.

    A stranger (and some might even say close friends and family) know nothing about me. They’re only ever projecting a judgment of me based on what exactly? An illusion? Something that exists within them? An assumption that people who serve are here to be abused? That I’m an easy target? It can never be personal, and we all need to remember this if we’re to remain unaffected by inconsiderate behaviour.

    Through becoming non-judgmental, we remove the target from our backs

    How people behave toward me is actually none of my business. I needn’t give a damn. And when this is the case, my equanimity remains unaffected. There is nothing for me to ruminate on after the event and, therefore, nothing for me to get angry about.

    Instantly making a judgment about someone will cause us to adjust our behaviour accordingly. If this is a negative, it may exacerbate the situation; our provocative reaction and behaviour, just making matters worse. All the time confirming our expectations

    The answer to so many of my internal struggles and resulting shift in my moods lies in my habit of being judgemental. As soon as I asked myself where I learnt such a habit, the answer came

    Once I have the answer to where I learnt the habit of judging everyone and everything, I’m able to hand it back to those individuals from the past.

    None of us are born making judgments of wrong or right. We learn this, and giving it back to those who taught us helps us come home to our original selves. Remember, the behaviour of others is none of your business.

  • Equanimity and Serenity

    Image by Jason from Pixabay

    Looking closer at equanimity we can see how this state brings the power of serenity into our lives

    There is much more to this than simple semantics. On the surface, we might think both words mean the same thing. They connect. However, they do mean slightly different things. Using words in the way I’m about to help us to pin things down to specifics. Being specific about what we’re actually seeking and the order we must follow is important. With this in mind, I feel we must have achieved equanimity before we find serenity.

    Equanimity is achieved through searching and resolving that witch unsettles us

    For many years, I’ve struggled to find what was causing my mind to change so drastically. Although never diagnosed as such, I feel there has been a tendency toward ADHD and manic depressive behaviour.

    Those of us who have experienced a troubled childhood can find it challenging to control emotions. From a personal point of view, I feel a lack of self-awareness has been a deciding factor.

    Becoming more self-conscious (in the positive sense) through mindfulness has been the tipping point for me. And so my equanimity is achieved through the constant monitoring of my internal state through the practise of contemplative meditation and mindfulness.

    Mindfulness awards me greater control over my thoughts and reactions to the outside world, people, and circumstances. Also, I have greater control over cravings and habits. In fact, cravings and habits are becoming a non-issue as a result of my meditation, mindfulness, and equanimity.

    Serenity is the consequence of equanimity

    Often, the constant stimulation we seek has developed as a coping mechanism. So many of us simply detest having nothing to do. We might feel like we’re going out of our minds when we have nothing to stimulate us.

    Meditation might be extremely challenging. Quieting the mind seemingly impossible. I think in this instance, it would be beneficial to seek assistance and work through what the mind is avoiding. Certainly advisable before or after attendance on a Meditation to Mindfulness Training Workshop.

    Once the unconscious drivings behind our disquiet are revealed, our meditation practice will begin to bear fruit. Serenity is a consequence of a mind in equanimity, no longer restlessly avoiding the self. A mind that has come home.

  • Power Over The Self (knowing when you have it)

    Image by Thị Hồng Phương Phan from Pixabay

    There is a moment of recognition. A feeling of certainty. So strong is the certainty that once you experience it, you will know you have finally gained control over the self

    I am now in my 61st year. Today, I feel the certainty that I have control. Yesterday, I was exposed to the anger and frustration of people I sensed have little control over themselves. These people are still attempting to control circumstances outside of themselves. Something we have no control over. The result is fear, anger, and frustration. We have no control over what happens to us. What we can control is how we react.

    Progress for me came in the form of recognising how important it is to stop reacting to the crisis of others and seek to protect myself from this. There is no gain for me to become involved with the drama others are constantly experiencing

    So many of the people I’m currently exposed to seem to be living in a drama. It seems to me that the universe (useful belief) is exposing me to these people in order for me to learn how to better deal with it.

    I need and enjoy a feeling of equanimity. These days, it’s a feeling I’ve fallen in love with. I adore equanimity. I love feeling calm, balanced, and at ease within myself. I love feeling in control of my mind. It’s beautiful. Equanimity is a thing of beauty.

    I can name the year I found myself on the path toward equanimity: 1998. Will it take 27 years for others to find the things I have? Probably longer. It’s of no concern to me.

    And because I deeply understand this now and feel okay, there’s a better chance others might want to follow my example

    Others sense neediness, fear, and loneliness. Would any sensible person choose to follow the examples set by fearful, lonely people? No. And it’s an awareness of these things that we must have if we’re to set useful and powerful examples to others.

  • Skimming Stones

    In an attempt to skim a stone the young child threw it into the air only for it to splash into the water and immediately sink

    The adult teaching the child managed to successfully skim the stone across the surface of the water.

    Later I began to think of how the stone represents information. How this information skims across the mind of an adult yet is easily absorbed by the child.

    It’s my experience that the older we get the less inclined we are to digesting new information. Especially when this information questions established models and belief systems

    To continue with the metaphor. To skim a stone we need to put in a great deal of effort. Getting it to skim across the surface tension of the water takes effort. Without realising the effort and technique required the child just threw the stone into the air. Moving slowly and directly downward the stone easily broke through the surface of the water.

    I recently read about a madman who had thousands of books he never read. He never read them because he was so certain in his already established beliefs. As a result, millions of people died. You might guess who I’m talking about.

    When we yield and finally decide to stop working so hard to remain fixed in our ideas and beliefs (that may have stopped working years ago) change can happen

    It takes more effort to remain stuck and unhappy than we realise. When new information isn’t properly, mindfully considered, it’s like the stone travelling quickly over the surface of the water. It skims across the surface of the mind as if it were never there. We remain unchanged and unhappy.

    Although new information can initially feel like someone’s throwing small stones at us that sting, once absorbed, we will eventually gain a different way of seeing things. Learning to meditate can help with this process.

  • Why the Concept of Non-Self or Emptiness is Useful

    Embracing our connection to the earth and each other

    One thing is pretty clear: Our identity is something that is both cherished and important. Does the importance we place on identity come at a cost?

    I believe it does come at a cost when the importance of identity results in us believing we are in some way separate from everyone else and indeed our home. A growing separateness from others, through strong identity, and the growing distance we place between ourselves and nature can only exacerbate human loneliness. I believe loneliness is becoming an increasing problem that can be addressed through the understanding of non-self and emptiness.

    We must think of ourselves as being empty of a separate self and full of everything else

    To better understand emptiness, all we need to do is consider what it has taken for us to be alive. Can we be alive without the sun? Can we have formed in our mothers womb without absorbing all the necessary elements from nature through our mothers blood? If any elements had been missing or deficient, we will have not developed properly and may not have survived. Can a tree form without water? Can a cloud form without the warmth of the sun?

    You see, the universe has provided us with all the necessary ingredients to be human. As such, it’s impossible for us to separate ourselves from the planet and the wider universe on any level. It’s where we have come from and where we will return. This is the definition of emptiness or non-self.

    From a personal standpoint, when I meditate and embrace my connectedness to my home (Earth), I feel a sense of wonder and ease

    It’s easy to understand how and why the ego strives for a separate identity. It’s important for us to feel special, and we place great value on our identity. This is fine, provided it isn’t adding to any sense of loneliness or causing us to distance ourselves from the very things we depend on for our survival.

    Underneath all of our thoughts, beliefs, and identities we form, there is only pure awareness. We all bleed red blood and cry salty tears. No matter what our outward appearance or deep-rooted beliefs are, we’re all the same underneath. Embracing this can only help us to build better connections to others and our home.

  • Self-Awareness through Meditation

    The value of self-awareness can’t be overestimated. And nether can the value of meditation as a tool for achieving it

    Aspects of our character we’re uncomfortable with are often projected on to others in the form of criticism. As an adult, I’ve come to realise that my father was very authoritarian in his approach to parenting. As a result of this, I’ve developed a complex around authority and find myself uncomfortable around it or people who have this demeanour. It’s followed me all my life. Once I become aware of this fear, though, I’m much better equipped to deal with the consequences. Authority frightens the child within me, and there are unhealthy consequences.

    One other aspect of this that I’ve recently come to understand is how I have an authoritarian approach to myself. I’m very hard on myself. And it’s always our self who’s our worst critic. It follows that if I’m very critical and judgmental of my self, and not seeing this, I’ll project this on to others.

    We can think of critical judgement of others as our minds attempt to heighten our self-awareness

    Through acknowledging the characteristics we criticise in others and then meditating on where we learnt that very same characteristic, we heighten our self-awareness.

    We might ask: What is the advantage of heightened self-awareness? And my immediate response is that knowing ones self awards us wholeness. Wholeness leads to improved control over the mind and our general well-being.

    The unhealthy consequences of unrecognized fear, for me, is the coping mechanism of eating unhealthy food. Knowing that fear and embracing it helps me to heal the inner child. Not through an authoritarian “pull yourself together” but through love.

    “I hold my face between my hands,

    No I’m not crying,

    I hold my face between my hands to keep my loneliness warm,

    Two hands protecting,

    Two hands nourishing,

    Two hands preventing,

    to prevent my soul from leaving me in anger”

    – Thich Nhat Hanh

  • Showing up For Life

    In my previous post I mentioned feeling a little upset

    And that feeling has only gotten worse. Is this another example of me experimenting with my own mind? Or is it that I’m simply beginning to heed/read my own words?

    In this post I spoke about the importance of stopping in order to create the space for a reality of our own making. And now that I have stopped I’m realising to what extent I’ve lost myself again.

    A long time ago now I walked away from a life. It had gotten pretty shit. In the process, I found myself without a TV, books, or any form of entertainment. This went on for many months. I spent a lot of time doing much of what I’ve spent the last few years writing about: I became mindful. Through mindfulness, I set about finding myself. I believe I succeeded.

    But lately I’ve become adrift. I’ve become embroiled in modern life once again. I’ve become addicted to constant stimulation. And now that I’ve reached the point that I have in my writing (and heeding my words), I see the mess I’ve gotten myself in.

    So I walked mindfully again this morning. This is what I noticed:

    • A Heron in the creek fishing for his breakfast at the waters edge
    • The morning light behind the warm duvet of grey cloud
    • Members of the rowing club in their boats out on the mouth of the river, resting before the slog home
    • A small red and white fishing boat making its chugging return
    • The cruciform metal struts reinforcing a bridge I walked beneath
    • The emptying trees and fluttering leaves
    • My loneliness

    Is it the case that so many of us are waiting for an invitation for our lives to begin? The thing is, there will be no invitation. It’s up to us to crash the party. And the host of the party might well be someone you’ve been trying to avoid.

    In the post linked to, I advised caution. I did this because as a result of stopping the constant stimulation of books, TV, videos, social media, et cetera, et cetera, a change will happen. In mindful awareness, you will find yourself in the absolute present moment. And in this moment, all might seem very different, to the delusion you’ve been kidding yourself, was something real.

    What will you do now? Will you escape back into the oblivion of constant stimulation that takes you away from yourself? Or will you continue to find your true self within a reality devoid of delusion?

  • Slow Up or You’ll Miss the Show (Show Up for Life!)

    I noticed how the pace of my walking sped up when my mind strayed into thinking about my destination

    It follows through everything; if your mind isn’t in the moment – thinking about what’s next and where you’re planning to be – you will miss more than you realise.

    During my walk this morning it was only during the moments when I was present that I noticed all the colours in the trees

    I noticed how calm the river was. I noticed the colour of the water and how brown it was due to the storm in the night. I noticed the nature of the morning light and how many leaves had now fallen to the ground. In particular I noticed flocks of birds as they woke from their morning roosts.

    It was when I remembered, to bring my awareness back to my steps and my breath, that I noticed how my walking had quickened during the time my mind had strayed into thinking about what lay ahead

    My aimlessness had ceased and my mind had filled with intention. During this time, I wasn’t walking, I wasn’t breathing, I’d become blind! In other words, because my awareness wasn’t in the present, I’d begun to miss the show.

    Such a beautiful display that mother nature had put on just for me. How could I be so disrespectful to her by not paying attention?

    Is it the case, that when I’m thinking about the destination, I’m speeding through the rest of my life? Have I wasted most of my life in this way? It upsets me to think that I probably have. Let’s keep remembering and show up for the show.

  • Creating the Space for Reality

    Through stopping we create space and allow a different reality in

    Caution is advised.

    To stop the constant stimulation; the constant need to have some form of distraction, is to open up the space in our awareness, to see a different reality.

    There are times when the reality created for us, by certain aspects of the media and majority-thinking, can overwhelm. And we begin to think in ways that are filtered through victim-mentality and negativity in general.

    The human mind is at its best when being creative. Innovative ideas that help humanity become the masters of their environment only come about as the result of a certain type of thinking

    Creative thinking is one thing. Filling the mind with the distraction of television, books, games, films, or whatever, is an entirely different thing. It’s a form of stimulation that takes us away from our self; our own minds. We’re taken away from our conscious critical thinking.

    For example, the dormant, unconscious seeds of anger, and aggressive responses can be roused through watching violent films

    We might believe that we need this. There is nothing wrong with entertaining the mind in this way. However, if we never stop to give the mind space, we continue to delude ourselves. We continue to delude ourselves into believing the reality created for us is real.

    Through losing the need for constant stimulation and developing mindfulness, we create space. This space enables us to create our own reality, not the reality designed by others

    At first, when we stop and contemplate life, it can be a shock to the system. Realise that the distractions of the media, or that of films, books, socializing, games, etc., are the distractions of illusions.

    Our perceptions are clouded through what we distract ourselves with. Our interactions with others are filtered in a way that is biased to how the majority are being taught to perceive life.

    We might filter things in such a way that we become victims. We can fail to see how we may have created an aggressive or negative response from others

    As the saying goes: ‘there are always two sides to a coin.’ Through mindfulness, we’re better able to start seeing things through the eyes of others. We can build our compassion and empathy toward others. In this way, we help ourselves to see; it is our perception that is at fault. We begin to take responsibility.

    With constant stimulation and failure to make time to stop, we will never see the reality. The reality is that we are not victims but the perpetrators of our own suffering. With mindfulness, you can begin to create a balanced and more meaningful existence. Something created by you.

  • Quietly Observing War of the Forgetful

    It’s interesting how when I have cool-control over my mind, calmly observing the behaviour of the people around me, without judgement and emotion, I’m able to distance myself from its harm

    My mind is calm and quiet. I see the disrespectful son, insulting his father with no clear idea of how protected and shielded he is from the world through nepotism. If his father were to retire unexpectedly or become incapacitated in some way, the son would have a very rude awakening. He’s unaware of the true nature needed, and of what qualities it takes, to run a successful company.

    You see, I work for a company where the son, works for the father. A common thing and sometimes the dynamic can be difficult. If we were able to take each of them to one side it would be fairly easy to teach them how to better get along, before some calamity strikes. I feel it’s inevitable that things will reach a climax, and when they do, I’ll potentially be out of a job. At least for a while. So be it. Que sera, sera . . .

    Both father and son are players. In a way it doesn’t really matter. It’s only a small war of words and emotions. Something humans seem to thrive on, unless you’re a practitioner of meditation, and mindfulness that is. Then you thrive on something very different

    As someone engaged with the study of mind you’re able to defend yourself against any unnecessary, painful, war of words and emotions

    I’m aware of how father, son and colleagues, are attempting to play me. I often imagine myself as a spiting cobra, raised up, silently assessing the threat, ready to strike. I could, if I chose, spit the venom of well chosen words. Instead, knowing I have a dangerous bite, I silently observe the game-play and remind myself of how this war is the war of the forgetful. I choose not to engage with it, the war rages on without me. A practitioner of mindfulness has no need for such things. The practitioner of mindfulness has love on their side.