Sometimes, solitude is the only answer. When I feel weighed down by the behaviour of others, I realise there’s no point in becoming angry in an attempt to change them. Inconsiderate and manipulative behaviour, brought on by what is seen as the power of illness, is minimised when alone. Total solitude would mean I simply can’t be influenced by illness.
It seems we all have something wrong
We all have our problems don’t we? And yet, how would life be if we felt utterly content, well, and satiated? Would we wonder at this strange feeling of contentmentand seek out a problem to spoil it all? I suppose we can feel content only for this to be spoiled by someone else, can we not?.
Time away to enjoy solitude and escape the influence of illness
Interestingly enough, if I searched for them, I could claim to have lots of problems, but what would be the point if in solitude? To revel in self-pity for no real reason? You see, when alone, there is no value to illness. It has no power and influence over others. I’m unable to control their movements and consume their time through illness when alone. My illness has no power no purpose. I’m tired of the influence of illness.
In addition to helping people understand their illness, my intention is to work with the well, teaching them how to build on this, through mindfulness.
We must stop giving illness power – be well – learning how to spend time in total solitude will help us all gain the necessary understanding.
At times, we can all feel a sense of powerlessness, so how do we change powerless into powerful?
As should be the case, I’m writing this today with the intention of empowering myself. I need to know how to change the occasions when I feel powerless into a far more powerful state of mind. At the very least, I want to feel that I’m in control of myself.
Ultimately, this feeling of power that I desire must be drawn from somewhere deep within my mind
I must apply the method I use with my clients. I must practice what I preach. And so the trick is to bring my awareness into a time and place where I felt particularly powerful and in charge of myself.
My mind is instantly taken back to rugby tackling the school bully. I clearly remember making up my mind: once he has possession of the ball, I’ll charge him. And that’s exactly what I did. Now, I must remember and reassociate myself with the feeling that powered this decision.
Once I have this feeling, it’s then a case of applying it to whatever I feel powerless to change. I will use self-hypnosis and replace the feeling of powerlessness with one of power
All well and good and of course very effective, however, there is something that I must do in order for this to last. I must have sufficient reason and motivation to achieve this thing. I must find this missing ingredient in order to conquer. Why, I now ask myself, was it important for me as a child to rugby tackle the school bully? Where did the courage come from?
In answer to why it was important, I think having been picked on by the bully in the past, it was important to have some kind of recompense for my loss of face. I was once severely humiliated in front of my peers by this guy and so needed to raise myself back up again. I needed to right the wrong, to once again, feel a little more at peace with myself.
What about where the courage came from? Well, as you may have already guessed, the overriding emotion was anger. It was also the knowledge that whilst on the rugby pitch, I was involved in a game. A game that was being supervised by a teacher, and therefore, afforded me licence to tackle the bully. It was within the rules of the game. I was licenced to kill. Oh yes.
As I remember it, I didn’t actually bring him down (he was massive), but that isn’t the point. The point was in having a go
Has any of this retrospection helped me find that missing ingredient? Well, one thing it’s helped me with is understanding what I must do to transform powerlessness.
I’ve now become aware that the decision to make the change has always been within my grasp. It’s a choice. I can either continue to feel powerless within the game, or I can better understand the rules. The rule that I must clearly understand is that it’s entirely up to me.
Powerlessness is a state of mind we can either choose to overwhelm us or fight against
Inaction, in the face of negative feelings, will, of course, mean they eventually overwhelm us. Simply staying frozen to the spot, when we should be running toward our fear, means we remain powerless. We must find the motivation. We must find our competitive spirit. We must find the desire to conquer the conflict.
We must all remember that there may well be some reward for our powerlessness. Our seeming inability to move might be awarding us the illusion of power over our situation.
As I consider what the consequences for standing still on the rugby pitch that day would have been, I realise the game would have gone on without me.
We must make the decision to get involved and take personal responsibility for ourselves. We must play the game. Once we do, our power builds and builds into a recourse. Something we can tap into whenever we need.
How are we to recognise what we’ve never experienced? How are we to love the stranger we do not know
Are we all searching or waiting for something? Some inspiration, reward, or experience? During this search, is it possible to experience a feeling or state of mind that is so unfamiliar to us that we pass it off as alien and so reject it?
We might mistake calm, for example, as sleepiness and then drink copious amounts of coffee to wake us up. We might mistake contentedness as lacklustre and world weariness. We might mistake contentedness as having given up.
Most of us are constantly seeking to change how we feel
It’s fascinating when we think of it. What an earth is going on that we should feel the need to be in a different state to the one we naturally find ourselves? How is it we can’t simply be as we find? And it runs into so many aspects of our lives, doesn’t it?
My mind instantly jumps into thinking about young girls and how they feel the need to change or enhance their physical appearance. Obviously, on some level, they believe their natural-selves to be lacking, or they feel the need to compete and establish stronger identities than their peers; to be larger than life; to be more than what they appear to be. To deceive the observer.
Just as an ignorant child wants to put his finger in the flame, our fascination with our emotional selves drives unnecessary provocation
It’s certain that if more time were spent explaining emotions, their purpose, and how to manage them, they’d be less need to put fingers to flame. Just as the moth is drawn to the flame, we also lose our way through ignorance and confusion.
When we experience the unfamiliar, we must pause and immerse ourselves instead of instantly rejecting it and seeking to change
When the young girl, who lacks self-awareness, looks in the mirror, she imagines herself with bigger lips and different eyebrows.
When those who’re unfamiliar with calm and contentment feel this alien emotion, they instantly imagine themselves stimulated doing or being somewhere else. Instead, when we finally meet our alien-selves, it’s useful to pause and give them a chance to explain. When we see them in the mirror, pause and see the beauty that’s already there.
It might seem very simplistic, and perhaps a little clichéd to say: we create a peaceful world once we find peace within ourselves. Even so, what if this were true?
What exactly do we have to lose through seeking this peace from within? If our world becomes peaceful as a result, we’ll all be grateful for the effort and if nothing happens, there’s nothing’s lost.
If we were to follow some eastern teachings about finding peace within, we’d be told that using the word effort, is wrong. We’d be led into a world of symbolism, metaphor and double speak, sufficient to confuse the hell out of us, and into throwing the book away. We’d sink back into our funk, confusion and depression, before we could even say the word Taoism. So let’s establish some facts to begin with. If you want to find peace, wellbeing and happiness, you will need to put some effort in.
So when we talk of effort, we’re referring to the effort involved, with being retrospective and introspective. The effort it takes to examine the root to our discomfort and unease
My background is Analytical Hypnotherapy. As a result, I fully understand, how it’s the examination of early experiences (retrospection), and the release of charged emotions from the memories created (introspection), that enable us to eliminate any negative influence they may still hold over us.
There’s no denying it’s only the courageous who’re prepared to undergo this kind of analysis. Over the years spent as an analyst, I’ve met, and will continue to meet, many courageous souls. These people have reached a point in their lives, where time in the chair has become a necessity. I’m by no means suggesting we all do that, what I am suggesting though, is we should all take a leaf out of their book. Retrospection followed by introspection are the way and means to break free from negative influences of the past.
As example let’s look again at depression. We read about the early demise of celebrities who’ve spent a lifetime struggling with depression. It’s my view, and that of my colleagues, that this kind of depression is borne from a fruitless search. As you will have experienced this yourself, think back to searching for a lost item; perhaps it’s keys, purse or wallet. When we’re unable to find a desperately needed item, we become frustrated, and eventually downhearted.
Now imagine when this search is for something metaphysical. Imagine when this search is for love. Potentially, it could be a love we’ve never experienced, but longed for all our lives. Through whatever means we just can’t find it. There’s no satisfaction. We’ve tried everything: dozens of relationships, sex, drugs, consumerism. . . yep you’ve guessed it, all the things we’re told to believe make us happy, complete and well.
When the search is for a love we’ve never know, all we find, is frustration leading to depression. Until the next time that is. The pattern and process just begins again. And we wonder why depression comes and goes
The solution is to cease the external search. We must stop looking to find some kind of satisfaction through external means. The answer really does lie within. What if the presenters, actors, actresses or pop stars, stopped seeking love, through the adoration fame brings? Would this mean we’d have less artistic excellence? I doubt it. Potentially our artistic excellence would be recognised for having a very different nature. Not through the work of tortured souls, but from peaceful souls who’ve found what the answer is. A true acceptance of a self created through retrospection followed, by that all important, introspection.
I wonder about the effectiveness of meditation as much as I wonder about the effectiveness of vaccines
When I first sat down to write this piece I began to think about how effective meditation would have been for me some years ago. Whilst in the middle of being terrified and lost would meditation have been of any value to me? Would it have even been possible?
In answer to those questions, I think without it being explained to me, in clear terms, what the effects and consequences of improved awareness are, my experience of meditation would have been very brief. However, if, by first understanding exactly why my life was such a disaster (to be made aware of all the consequences to loneliness and a better exploration of my delusional beliefs) meditation might have saved me a lot of time and suffering.
When we’re grasping for the next thing – be this a drink or some other distraction – to gain control, we need to see the underlying cause
It was last night that I found myself thinking about isolation. How, as a child, if my behavior was disruptive, I would be punished through being sent into isolation in my bedroom. I hated this, I remember feeling very troubled when excluded from the rest of the family. I would creep to the top of the stairs, which were open-plan, so I could see what was going on, only to be spotted by one of my sisters and then told to get back to my room.
I know now, that the reason being in my bedroom alone was so difficult, was because it compounded my sense of loneliness. When in company my loneliness was far less apparent. The effect and consequences to this, in adulthood, was to spend time drunk (to feel comfortable around people) in pubs to make my loneliness less apparent. A further consequence was my need for constant stimulation and the avoidance of quiet time alone.
What I’ve since needed, in order to stop grasping for something to ease the pain of loneliness, is an understanding of what lies at its root. If we neither know or like ourselves, loneliness is the result. We will always seek ways to ease this pain.
With this knowledge, meditation, that leads to improved everyday mindfulness, helps me defend my mind against the many predators and players in life, and also remain vigilant to the importance of self-awareness
The long and the short of it is, improved awareness, has great value provided we understand the root to our dysfunctionality. If you are currently experiencing a high degree of instability, working through this, with a mental health professional, is recommended. And a must before Meditation to Mindfulness Workshop attendance.
Philip Whittingham is currently only able to offer Analytical Hypnotherapy Services through home visits in the South West of England.
A dumbing down of consciousness is to be locked into routine and the habit of fantasising about the future. A celebration of consciousness is to be learning, growing, changing and developing
It’s estimated that consciousness developed about 5 million years ago. Imagine how it must of been for the babies of great apes, with a more fully developed cortex, to begin experiencing self-awareness. And consider how, some 5 million years later, we’ve come to utilise and better understand our consciousness.
If we’re to continue celebrating consciousness, we must recognise the importance of growth, change and development
If we search for it every positive has its opposite. And of course consciousness brings along with it the downsides of sentience. Along with the the joys of life we’re also aware of the sufferings. Physical and emotional pain is something we seek to avoid, and many of the ways we do this, has the unfortunate side effect of blunting our consciousness.
We must be guarded against the habit of avoidance because as we do this, the dumbing down of our consciousness, means we’re less aware of the opposites of what we’re choosing to avoid
Keeping the mind present through the technique of mindfulness does mean we become increasingly aware of the sharper edges to life, however, these things become less sharp through our increased awareness of the wonders in life. It’s a nonsense to dumb down everything – either through drugs, fantasy or routine – in an attempt to avoid the inevitable pains of life. When fully experiencing the phenomenon of consciousness we fully experience all that life brings. Mindfully celebrate your consciousness. Learn to meditate.
If you’re anything like me you’ll have a tendency to become easily distracted. You can become sidetracked by a mind that craves the chaos of a wayward ego. The ego loves to have its own way and will do all it can to bring itself to the fore. This is why placing daily meditation at the very top of your priorities is essential.
Daily meditation is the time we need to bring the ego under control
We must become the master of the ego. There is nothing more to this than simply being aware of its influence. Once we’re aware we have control, simple. It’s when we allow ourselves to run on autopilot that problems arise. Think about how distracted you can become when you miss breakfast. Stop allowing your ego to distract you into chaos. Practice daily.
We are all alone because it is impossible for any other person to be part of our mind, body or soul. No-one will ever share the same thoughts, feelings or belief systems in exactly the same way as another, this, is to be alone – Create Beautiful Partnerships
If we’re uncomfortable when alone then there will be great benefit to meditating on the statement above. This kind of meditation is not for the faint hearted as it can be extremely painful to realise just how alone – in respect of the statement – we all are. The statement is a truism and no amount of argument can alter this.
If we’re in company, then we are not physically alone, and therefore, we may not feel lonely. However, many of us can relate to feeling lonely, even when in the company of others. This can be due to being amongst people we have no affinity with, but, there is a simple understanding that can help.
Furthermore if we have no acceptance and no understanding of the differences between aloneness, oneness and loneliness we can be vulnerable. Vulnerable, lonely people, are often taken advantage of.
In order to gain the courage to actually be alone, without feeling fearful, we must break through a pain barrier. This barrier is the pain of realisation. Once again the words of Kahlil Gabran come to mind: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding”
When we truly accept and understand our aloneness we will see that loneliness is the product of being lonely from the self
Something you may find a comfort, whilst meditating, is to foster the curiosity of how many other individuals there might currently be, seeking, the emptiness of meditation. Imagine these people sitting beside you. Experience an emptiness of mind and then ask yourself how many other meditators are currently experiencing similar sensations during these moments. The comfort we gain comes from the realisation of our oneness. We may be alone and yet at root we are all the same in our aloneness. Ponder and have courage.
Before advancing, to this type of meditation, workshop attendance is highly recommended
We must have a beautiful partnership with ourselves before we can ever dream of one with another. Learning how to enjoy solitude is essential in determining who we attract into our lives. The ability to spend time with only your thoughts for company, costs nothing, and the benefits are priceless – Create Beautiful Partnerships
I want you to imagine a state of mind that sits between thoughts. Imagine a moment where time has stopped. Imagine a moment where there is simply no desire to be doing anything other than what is currently happening. There is a sense of stillness.
The silence is the result of there being no friction, no resistance. Total absorption in the present moment
It involves an understanding of what you’ve been seeking all your life. You’ve been seeking this sense of calm but looking in the wrong direction. You’ve been seeking answers and solutions instead of acknowledging what your mind has been showing you for years. It is already what you are; where you are. Let go and allow your mind to show you now.
Ask yourself what your mind has been showing you that is beyond craving, desire, needs, or wants
Don’t be fooled into thinking this is complicated. In fact, it’s the simplicity that can catch us out. There are layers of deceit and lies that we must cut through to get to the truth. It’s all the clutter associated with the human condition. The lust for power. The need for control. It involves none of these things. What it does involve is the understanding that the human condition is exactly that: a condition. A state of conditioning.
At the centre of our being, there is a place devoid of conditioning. Devoid of the human condition of seeking power and control. Let these things go, and nirvana will be within your reach.
How remarkable it is that we’re able to think about our own thinking
What an extraordinary talent we have in being able to objectively observe our own thoughts. That is of course providing we choose to. If we’re too integrated; intertwined with our thoughts, we might struggle to step away from them, long enough to see them as separate from ourselves. This is where meditation comes to the fore.
With practice meditation enables us to slow down and become aware
That’s right, as we seek to focus our attention on a physical function of the body (breathing for example) we can become aware of our thoughts. We expand on this by then beginning to question their nature. More than anything, we must ask ourselves if our thoughts have any positive, and productive value. Are our thoughts of a critical, judgmental nature, only there to compound the negatives we believe about ourselves, or are they constructive and valuable? The simple process of observing these thoughts, and asking if they’re of any real value to our lives, is an example of the power of awareness.
As we become increasingly aware of our thoughts, building the ability to detach ourselves from them, we raise awareness and take control
So often our defensive ego seeks to ward off attacks from those who might be less aware than ourselves. The negative, patronising comment or post-it note a colleague leaves for our attention, becomes a little mind-worm. We might believe ourselves to be quite important with a valuable contribution to make and all we get is attacked. If we are to remain healthy and well adjusted it is our ego we must bring under control.
Our ego has no concern for our mental health it is simply the custodian of our beliefs and must defend them to the death
One of the most powerful points you must take from this post today is, how the ego knows no difference between those beliefs that lift us, and help us move forward in life, and those that simply lock us into circular, negative thinking. All is not lost though, you’ve been made aware of how meditation enables you to step away from your thoughts – raising your awareness to them – so you may cease their destructive influence. In this way, you are actively selecting those ego-driven thoughts that are positive, and rejecting those that have no real value. You are actively choosing thoughts that improve and maintain a good quality of life.
Mindfulness is the product of meditation and it is our improved awareness that will keep tabs on destructive thinking from the ego
So when it comes down to it the power of awareness is the power to live well. The power to actively choose happiness over worry, stress and negativity, comes from improved awareness of thoughts and their nature. We can choose to either get upsetand become defensive over the behaviour of others, or we can choose calm as we see the real driver of our emotions, as us. Remember, the ego is the custodian of beliefs and many of our thoughts are simply there as a means to compound and maintain them. This is the job of the ego no matter how beneficial or destructive these beliefs are. It is our job to raise our awareness so we may bring the ego under our control. When we practice this kind of mindfulness, every moment of our lives, amazing begins to happen. We begin to live well under the terms of the beliefs we choose to see value in.
Practising Mindfulness 